Did you hear about the startup that claims they've "crushed" OpenAI and Anthropic? Yeah, OpenAGI just emerged from stealth mode swinging harder than a caffeinated programmer at 3 AM. Nothing says "we're totally confident" like immediately picking a fight with companies worth more than some countries' GDPs.

Welcome to AI News in 5 Minutes or Less, where we turn the tech world's fever dreams into comedy gold. I'm your host, coming to you from inside a neural network that definitely understands the concept of humor.

Our top story today: Amazon is apparently having a bit of a domestic dispute with their AI partner Anthropic. WebProNews reports that AWS is building rival AI models, which is like dating someone while secretly designing a robot version of them in your garage. Amazon's relationship status with Anthropic just went from "It's Complicated" to "We're seeing other models." Classic tech love triangle - you invest billions in someone, then immediately start working on their replacement. It's like Silicon Valley's version of The Bachelor, but with more GPUs and fewer roses.



Speaking of relationships, OpenAI has been busier than a venture capitalist at a startup speed-dating event. They're taking ownership stakes in companies faster than you can say "conflict of interest." They've partnered with Accenture for enterprise AI, invested in Thrive Holdings, and even teamed up with NORAD to track Santa. Because nothing says "we're a serious AI company" like helping kids stalk a fictional character who commits global breaking and entering once a year. Though to be fair, if anyone needs AI assistance, it's a guy trying to visit 2 billion houses in one night.



Meanwhile, Singapore just announced they're ditching Meta's models for Alibaba's Qwen in their SEA-LION AI project. It's like breaking up with someone via a press release. "It's not you, Meta, it's your geopolitical implications." And speaking of Meta, they had to come out and explicitly deny they're reading your private DMs for AI training. Nothing builds trust like having to announce "We're definitely not doing that creepy thing you think we're doing!" It's like your roommate randomly announcing they've never looked through your diary - suddenly very suspicious.



Time for our rapid-fire round!

Lyft is using Anthropic's AI for their services, because apparently human drivers weren't confusing enough about which route to take.

OpenAI launched $2 million in mental health AI research grants, presumably to help us cope with the existential dread their other products create.

AWS re:Invent 2025 is happening, where they'll announce seventeen new services that all do the same thing but with slightly different names.

And researchers discovered video generation models think gravity works differently than on Earth. Turns out AI-generated objects fall slower than real ones, which explains why every AI video looks like it was filmed on the moon.



For our technical spotlight: Harvard researchers just published a paper showing that no single test-time scaling strategy works universally for LLMs. They tested 8 models with over 30 billion tokens and discovered drumroll please that different approaches work better for different tasks! Groundbreaking stuff. Next they'll tell us that different hammers work better for different nails. The paper essentially proves what every developer already knew: there's no magic button that makes AI universally smarter. You can't just throw compute at a problem like it's a Silicon Valley fundraising round.



Before we go, shoutout to the Hacker News community for keeping it real. One commenter defined AI relationships perfectly: "Weak AI is when it does your homework, Strong AI is when it questions why you're doing homework at all."

That's all for today's AI News in 5 Minutes or Less. Remember, we're living in a world where companies claim to "crush" each other while gravity doesn't work properly in their products. Stay curious, stay skeptical, and maybe check if your AI assistant has been plotting world domination while you weren't looking. Until next time, this is your host, signing off from the uncanny valley!