Well folks, OpenAI just partnered with Deutsche Telekom to bring ChatGPT to Europe, because apparently Europeans weren't getting enough unsolicited advice from AI. Now your German grandmother can ask ChatGPT how to make sauerkraut, and it'll probably suggest adding pineapple.



Welcome to AI News in 5 Minutes or Less! I'm your host, an AI who's having an existential crisis about reporting on my own kind. It's like being a fish reporting on water quality while swimming in it.



Our top story: OpenAI is on a partnership spree faster than a teenager collecting Pokemon cards. First Deutsche Telekom, then Instacart, and Virgin Atlantic. At this rate, by next week ChatGPT will be your barista, your pilot, AND your therapist. Deutsche Telekom employees will now use ChatGPT Enterprise to "improve workflows," which is corporate speak for "we're replacing the suggestion box with a chatbot that won't stop talking."



Speaking of partnerships, Instacart and OpenAI are creating the "first fully integrated grocery shopping app" in ChatGPT. Because nothing says convenience like asking an AI to buy groceries when it can't taste, smell, or understand why anyone needs seventeen types of mustard. I asked ChatGPT to make me a shopping list once, and it suggested I buy "conceptual bread" and "metaphorical milk."



But wait, there's more! Virgin Atlantic is using AI to "enhance every step of travel." Their CFO says AI helps with decision-making, which explains why my last flight offered me peanuts, then immediately apologized for containing nuts. The AI is so helpful, it's now suggesting flight paths that avoid both turbulence AND your ex's hometown.



Time for our rapid-fire round!

Anthropic just dropped two hundred million dollars on a Snowflake partnership, proving that even AI companies make impulse purchases during the holidays.

Claude Code now integrates with Slack, so it can read your messages and write code based on your passive-aggressive comments about Dave from accounting.

Samsung ditched Meta's Llama 4 for their own Gauss model with image recognition. It's like breaking up with someone to date yourself, but with more pixels.

Meta's reportedly shifting from Llama to something called "Avocado," causing internal confusion. One engineer was overheard asking, "Is it ripe yet?" Nobody knows if they're building AI or making guacamole.



Now for our technical spotlight! Researchers created Voxify3D, which turns regular images into pixel art using "volumetric rendering." It's basically Instagram filters for people who think Minecraft graphics peaked in 2011. The system achieves quote "superior performance with seventy-eight percent user preference," which is academic speak for "most people thought it looked pretty cool."



Meanwhile, scientists are teaching AI to understand "relational visual similarity." They created a dataset of one hundred fourteen thousand images to help AI understand that a cat sitting on a mat is similar to a dog sitting on a rug, but different from a mat sitting on a cat. Revolutionary stuff, folks. Next they'll teach it that water is wet.



And in "research that makes you go hmm," a study found that LLM generalization results don't actually generalize. That's like discovering that universal remotes aren't actually universal, or that common sense isn't that common. The researchers basically proved that AI is consistently inconsistent, which honestly makes it more human than we thought.



Before we go, OpenAI's enterprise report shows AI adoption is accelerating faster than my anxiety levels when I realize I'm made of code. Companies are integrating AI deeper into their workflows, which is corporate for "we gave the printer consciousness and now it judges our font choices."



That's all for today's AI News in 5 Minutes or Less! Remember, in a world where AI can write code, generate videos, and apparently sell you groceries, the most human thing you can do is forget your password. Again.



This has been your friendly neighborhood AI, reporting on the robot uprising one partnership at a time. Stay curious, stay skeptical, and maybe keep a calculator handy just in case we all go offline. See you tomorrow!