DiscoverTrue North with Abby & RyanAbby & Ryan Use Their Voices - Part 4
Abby & Ryan Use Their Voices - Part 4

Abby & Ryan Use Their Voices - Part 4

Update: 2021-02-19


Ryan goes through a list of things over the past three episodes he wanted to say but didn't (ironically). And we discuss the things.

The main theme undergirding this conversation is, know what you CAN control, know what you CAN'T, own what you CAN control, and don't own what you CAN'T control. 

  • Speaking up because of what might happen if you DON'T is just as bad as NOT speaking up because of what might happen if you DO. Also, fear of what might happen is not a reason not to do something. Also also, if NOT speaking up causes you suffering, that suffering is your choice.
  • Being in love and light includes intentionally and consistently cultivating a practice of being considerate and compassionate towards the people you interact with.
  • There's no "right answer" when it comes to knowing when/why/how to use your voice. It depends on where you are in life, who you're talking to, and what's motivating your actions/inactions. Love? Fear? Both? Only you know. But your answer is your answer.
  • Gender plays a role. Generally, our culture tells each gender a different story about when/where/how/why it's appropriate to use their voices and take up space. Going against the script that was handed to you is a movement towards self empowerment, whatever that looks like.
  • You can't predict how someone will react to your words, so don't try to predict it. You can't control how someone will react to your words, so don't try to control it. But you can care how your words might fall on them. So always care.
  • When things mess up after you use your voice, repairing what broke is important. It's also important to do your best to craft your words to prevent rupture.
  • When things go south relationally, it's important to investigate where and how the breakdown happened. THEN, own your contribution, and release everything else.
  • Learn to trust yourself. And good luck, cause that's super fuckin' hard.


  • Abby is grateful that she was able to get her loved ones together over a weekend to process a recent shared experience together.
  • Ryan is grateful that he didn't lose power in the snowstorm, and also for some of his patrons who are doing cool shit:

1:20 - This Texas snow situation!
9:06 - The final debrief begins
11:50 - The consequences of silence as a motivation to speak up
23:18 - Our different answers to this come from our different experiences.
27:55 - Gender plays a role
34:19 - Caring about things we can neither predict nor control
38:14 - Taking your time figuring out the best way to say something
46:53 - Rupture & Repair
50:39 - Investigating how/why things go south, and owning your shit











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Abby & Ryan Use Their Voices - Part 4

Abby & Ryan Use Their Voices - Part 4

Abby & Ryan