Mariel Gutierrez: Say “I” if you feel like it’s been a pretty exhausting, confusing and faith shaping few months.

Emirick Haro, Jewel Buenavista, Bernie Rosquites : I!

Mariel: Alright, well you’re listening to Faith and Family, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values. Hello, I’m Mariel Gutierrez, and I am a Tired Mom.

COVID-19, lockdowns, homeschooling, financial crisis, bad news on TV— It’s all bad. But we’ve managed to see a lot of good in this as well, right? We’ve been given opportunities to grow and become closer to our family and our faith, and we are adjusting to this new normal. 

With the help of our panel moms, we’ll be discussing the ways we’ve been coping through prayer, practicing empathy, and trusting in God’s plan. And at the end of the episode, you’ll hear from Brother Serginio Bayani, a minister of the gospel, for some inspiring words. 

But first, here with me are Bernie, Jewel and Emirick. How are you?

Bernie, Emirick & Jewel: Hi. Hello. 

Bernie: Surviving

Emirick: Doing ok so far. Surviving, exactly.

Mariel: Yeah, like checking in. So, what’s the new normal look like in your house, ladies?

Bernie: I’m going to have to say the new normal for me is the whole homeschooling or distance learning, whatever you want to call it. That’s the new normal right now, you know, but I’m thankful that I have the support of other parents and friends. I’ve been reading a lot, educating myself about how other parents are dealing with the same thing. 

Of course, you know, I pray every day, because that’s the one thing that’s keeping me going. You know, without prayer I don’t know. And I had to remind myself that number one: I am not a teacher, and my house, my home, is not a school, and I have to learn to just take one day at a time. 

So, we start our day with a prayer and meditation, just to prepare ourselves, and most of the time my 7 year old, you all know Jojo, would be the one to lead the prayer. And he would include both of us in his prayer, and he would ask God to grant us both the patience and wisdom to get through each day, because that’s definitely what we need. Patience is key.

Mariel: He prays for you as well, like your patience and wisdom as well?

Bernie: Yeah

Mariel: Wow

Bernie: You know he asks, “Please, you know my mom, she’s trying really hard. Please give her the patience, because he knows, he knows he tests me.

Emirick: He’s like, “God, please help my mom. Please.”

Bernie: Like, “please, help her.” You know I’ve been reading, like I said I’ve been reading a lot of books and talking to other people. Some of the things I’ve learned is, you know, to have a village. Have a mom village where you have the safe space to just cry, laugh, laugh/cry, whatever. And even the kids, you know, their school was their community, but they don’t (have) that (anymore), so I’ve tried to do Zoom meet-ups with his other classmates 

Emirick: Aww   

Bernie: or even kids from church and, you know, family. And then I’ve also learned that I have to be more forgiving to myself. You know, sometimes you see these things on social media. You look at your feed and some of these parents are telling (everyone that) their kids are learning all these new life skills, and here I am, I’m just trying to get Jojo just to do one thing. And I realize every household is different, every kid, you know we’re paced differently. 

Mariel: Right

Bernie: So I had to be, you know what? It’s all good. Lastly, I think for me was we built a routine. You know, we wake up the same time every day, we dress up, we eat breakfast, you know, all that. You actually still have to brush your teeth.  

Emirick: You’re not wearing pajamas all day.

Bernie: Right? You know, and we start our day with a morning prayer and when the day is done, when we’ve done learning, we end it with some type of meditation, kind of like inhale and exhale. 

Emirick: My new normal means to slow down and just chill out sometimes. The most challenging thing about being in quarantine was knowing how to positively adjust to the changes, because our pre-quarantine life was so busy. We were going everywhere, all around town, to do cello, basketball, art, swim, choir practice at church.

Mariel: Right, and you brought them tupperwares of food. I remember that.

Emirck: That was our normal, and b doing it and we were fine doing it. 

Mariel: Yeah

Emirck: and we enjoyed doing it. I mean, even though it was crazy and we were tired and we could use a break, it was what we knew. So when all of it stopped I didn’t know how to slow down, I didn’t know how to chill out. 

So I tried to continue that at home. I made schedules and lists and plans. I woke them up early in the morning. I was trying to be like, “Come on. We’ve got to keep it up. We’ve got to keep busy. We’re not going to let quarantine slow us down.”

And then it wouldn’t work so I’d revise the lists and the schedules and the plans. So, I had to pause and reflect and accept that I don’t have all the answers 

Mariel: Right

Emirick: and just work on our relationships, so we all just slowed down. And it wasn’t so that we could be lazy and develop bad habits. You know, that was my fear in the beginning. We can’t slow down because then we’re going to develop all these bad habits. You know, I realized that slowing down was just about admitting that we’re not in control, I’m not in control, and letting God teach us how to pay attention better, you know, how to be a better listener.

So, I just slowed down. I prayed a lot and I realized that right now, it was more important for me to just empathize with my kids, because it is difficult. Everything that they see in the news, in their social media, everything that they were experiencing and just being in quarantine, not being able to see their friends on a normal basis, it was hard on all of us. Even though they didn’t say it,  

Mariel & Bernie: Yeah

Emirick: I could see that it was really hard. So, I understood later on that it was more important for them to just feel safe, and to feel understood, and to feel loved, than to force everybody to work hard for something that didn’t make any sense right now, you know?

Mariel: Right. For us in our house grace, grace is a big word, you know? 

Emirick: Yeah

Mariel: That’s something that I had to vocalize a lot for myself, for my children. Even like, you know, husband and wife relationships, you know, grace and that space for grace. I’m trying to learn, you know, to forgive myself for not knowing everything, not having all the answers, maybe not, you know, giving the kids the best food all the time. Because, again, I’m working and

Bernie: Come on now. Half of us here lived off of hot pockets, so it’s all good.

Mariel: You know, guilty, yeah.  I saw them heating up a corn dog and I was like, “Okay, we’ll make it up for dinner,” you know? 

Bernie: Yeah. 

Emirick: We get the nutrients in at dinner.

Mariel: Yeah, I’ve been sitting with it a little more, letting myself feel, you know, and then just going through the motions of the feeling. Sometimes you are sad, upset, or angry, you know. And even with my children, sometimes we do have to sit with their feelings as well, you know, and we have to vocalize it. I let them do that too and express that they are upset or sad, you know, and I try not to punish them for it. 

What we really try to do is understand the why. Why are you upset or do you want to talk about what’s making you upset, you know? So that’s kind of like where we’re at. There’s a lot of talking and checking in. And there’s a lot of space also to have them understand that this pandemic, where God is, right, amidst the pandemic, and allowing them to sit with the feel(ings) of like, maybe uncertainty and then turning to God, to lean to God because of that.

So that’s where we’re kind of at now. How about you, Jewel? Are you holding up okay? 

Jewel: You know, I love listening to everything, what you mamas are saying, because I can literally relate to everything that you’re saying, you know. The first few months, honestly ladies, it was extremely difficult for me. As a business owner, my business dropped