Why is loneliness for guys, especially Asian Men, so difficult? How do you “fix” or “solve” loneliness, and what does that journey look like? Join John Wang and I as we talk about his journey through this process, what he learned, the challenges he faced, and the exercises he’s learned to level himself up in this area.

This episode is also available on YouTube in video form!

LINK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIcVO9sdwc4

Chapters:

00:00:00 Banger intro

00:01:09 Who is John Wang?

00:01:41 What is a Men's group?

00:02:58 What's the most common problem you see in the men you coach?

00:04:32 Trauma vs Injuries

00:05:37 "How did you heal from isolation/loneliness?"

00:06:36 The 3 different levels of loneliness

00:10:09 From social butterfly to actual, deep, meaningful relationships

00:10:27 "Some of the most isolated ppl I know are the most popular"

00:11:43 Dimsum Friends

00:12:05 Women as a solution

00:14:10 Having friends but not actually feeling connected to people

00:14:35 Getting in touch with yourself (and how to do it)

00:15:30 The foundation for all relationships (empathy)

00:16:03 Exercise: "I love, I like, and I accept"

00:16:20 Exercise: "You're gonna be alone forever"

00:17:30 "I'm committing to not being with anyone else until I like myself enough"

00:19:29 The longest relationship you'll ever be in is the one with yourself

00:19:43 How to actually be comfortable with yourself

00:21:30 Pick a day JUST for yourself

00:23:29 If you let yourself do whatever you want, how do you make sure you don't abuse it?

00:24:23 This concept of "wasted time" doesn't actually exist

00:25:15 What if it's impossible to "waste" time?

00:28:08 Escapism vs genuinely enjoying things

00:29:45 The difference is just giving yourself "permission" to do the things you want

00:31:28 Heart and Hustle (not just Hustle)

00:31:44 Inner coach vs Inner healer

00:34:44 Procrastination isn't laziness, it's fear

00:37:02 How do you develop the "healer" or "heart" voice?

00:38:04 Negative self-talk (inner critic)

00:41:21 Integrating what influencers say into who you are as a person

00:44:54 John's book: Big Asian Energy

00:46:00 Asian cultural values have a massive impact on YOU

00:49:07 The 7 major patterns that show up for Asians

00:52:23 How do you re-write core beliefs from extreme Asian values?

00:54:04 More people need to hear this: "Adults can handle their own consequences"

00:54:19 "If I don't do this for them, they're gonna die"

00:54:53 Commander archetype beliefs/distortions (If I don't do it, who will?)

00:55:50 "Fixer" archetype patterns (people pleaser)

00:57:06 "If u need me then you won't leave me"

00:58:45 John's story of how he got into all this stuff

01:00:35 After spending a year with yourself, did your relationships change?

01:01:47 The 5 levels of no (full list in comments)

01:02:49 Drawing Boundaries

01:06:21 Saying no to people you care about

01:07:04 When John received his first hard "no"

01:11:28 "I spent a year being 100% honest with everyone"

01:15:29 Radical consequences in telling the truth

01:20:54 Advice for anyone in a big city trying to make friends

01:21:53 The fastest way to get over insecurities

01:23:04 The 3 Layers of conversation

01:24:01 Plug time + Outro