DiscoverCounselor Toolbox PodcastAnger, Irritation and Resentment (Clear the AIR)
Anger, Irritation and Resentment (Clear the AIR)

Anger, Irritation and Resentment (Clear the AIR)

Update: 2020-01-08
Share

Description

455 – Anger, Irritation and Resentment:

Clearing the AIR

Instructor: Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes PhD, LPC-MHSP, LMHC

Executive Director: AllCEUs Counseling CEUs and Specialty Certificates

Podcast Host: Counselor Toolbox, Case Management Toolbox


Objectives

• Explore the function of anger

• Identify the types of threats that may prompt anger

• Identify different types of anger to include

• Run of the mill anger

• Irritation

• Resentment

• Envy/Jealousy

• Guilt/Regret

Function of Anger

• Anger is part of the fight or flight reaction which is your brain’s natural response to a perceived threat

• Anger pushes away or helps you dominate a threat


Types of Threats

• Threats can be to your…

• Person (physical harm)

• Property (Damage or take my stuff)

• Self-esteem or self-concept

• Hurt your feelings

• Make you question your goodness as a person

• Make you concerned that other people will think poorly of you

• Origin

• Things others do or don’t do

• Internal critic/old tapes/others from the past

• Conscience (guilt and regret)

Types of Threats

• Themes

• Rejection/Isolation

• Loss of Control/The Unknown

• Death/Loss

• Failure

• Real vs. Perceived Threats

• Real threats actually exist

• Perceived threats are based on

• Cognitive distortions

• Prior experiences

• Emotional reasoning

• Incomplete information

Activity

• How do you handle threats to your:

• Person/property?

• Self-Esteem?

• How can you handle threats from:

• Others

• Your internal critic (Past Others)

• Your conscience (self anger, guilt and regret)

Anger/Irritation

• Anger is a generic term that describes the fight reaction in response to a threat

• You feel like you can conquer the threat OR

• You do not see any options for escape (think cat in a corner)

• Anger happens on a continuum ranging from mild irritation to rage

• The level of anger experienced is usually in proportion to

• The immediate threat

• The cumulative effect of multiple threats

• Many times when people feel angry, underneath they also have a sense of helplessness or disempowerment.

What Triggers Your Anger

• Threats

• Rejection/Isolation

• Loss of Control/The Unknown

• Death/Loss

• Failure

What to Do About Anger

• Identify the threat

• Explore the automatic beliefs triggering the anger

• Why is this making you angry? (It makes me angry when…. I hate it when…)

• How is this similar to other (unresolved) situations in your past?

• Are there alternate explanations for the situation?

What to Do About Anger

• Identify the threat cont…

• What threat theme is it related to?

• Rejection: Is it really about you?

• Failure:

• Are you globalizing?

• What can you learn?

• Loss of Control/The Unknown:

• What parts of this were and were not in your control?

• What actions are worth your energy

• Death/Loss

• How does this impact how you see the world?

• How does it impact how you see yourself?

Activity

Resentment

• Resentment is anger directed at others for things they either did and shouldn’t have or didn’t do and should have.

• What is the impact of holding on to resentments?

• Emotionally

• Mentally

• Physically

• Socially

• Spiritually (Hope, faith, courage/willingness, discipline, integrity)

• Many times underlying resentment are hurt feelings. (Example: You invited Jane to the party and not me.)


What Do You Resent

• Make a chart with 4 columns, one for each threat

• Rejection/Isolation

• Loss of Control/The Unknown

• Death/Loss

• Failure

• Take 30 minutes and identify as many resentments as you can and place them in the appropriate column (only one)

• Review the finished list and mark off all resentments of things over which you have no control.

• Now, cross off any that have no effect on your ability to live a rich and meaningful life

• Explore how you can accept these things and let go of the anger

• Of the ones left, brainstorm ways of addressing that resentment


Envy/Jealousy

• Envy and jealousy can be thought of as anger at someone else for having something you want.

• What is the impact of holding on to envy?

• Emotionally

• Mentally

• Physically

• Socially

• Spiritually (Hope, faith, courage/willingness, discipline, integrity)

Envy/Jealousy

• Many times underlying envy and jealousy are:

• Low self-esteem

• People don’t like me because I am not as pretty as her.

• Lack of gratitude awareness

• Focusing primarily on all the things you don’t have

• Lack of clarity about personal goals

• I wish I were a CEO like her (but that would mean sacrificing other things more important to me)

• Erroneous conclusions

• If I were rich I would be happy.


Activity: What Do You Envy?

• Identify each of the people and things you envy.

• In what way does each of those things represent:

• Acceptance and Inclusion –the “in” crowd

• Control and Power

• Success

• Someone having something you lost

Notice how each of these is the opposite of a threat theme

• Why might people envy you?


Activity: What Do You Envy?

• Why might people envy you?

• In what way does each of those things represent:

• Acceptance and Inclusion

• Control and Power

• Success

• Someone having something you lost

• What does it mean if people don’t envy you?

• Rejection

• Loss of power/control

• Failure

Activity: What Do You Envy?

• Identify three people you respect and/or love but don’t envy

• Is it possible to respect/love someone and not want to be like them or have what they have?

Guilt/Regret

• Guilt and regret are anger directed at yourself for things you either did and shouldn’t have or didn’t do and should have.

• Anger represents your minds way of identifying a threat and getting you to do something.

• In what way is holding on to guilt and regret

• An effective response to the threat

• Preventing you from effectively responding to the threat


Activity: Guilt/Regret

• Take 30 minutes and identify as many regrets as you can

• Review the finished list and mark off all guilt & regret of things over which you have no control. (Ex. Guilt because the house was destroyed in a fire)

• Now, cross off any that have no effect on your ability to live a rich and meaningful life. (Ex. Not taking parents advice…)

• Explore how you can accept these things and let go of the anger at yourself

• Of the ones left, brainstorm ways of addressing those resentments. Consider addressing one each day.


Forgiveness

• Forgiveness is a power move.

• Forgiveness allows you to choose to stop giving your power to something or someone else. To stop “letting it make you angry.”

• Forgiveness doesn’t mean it was okay.

• Forgiveness means accepting reality as it is and choosing to learn from the experience and use your energy for things that are more meaningful.

Summary

• Anger exists on a continuum

• It is a response to a real or perceived threat designed to get you to do something

• The intensity of the response often represents the level of threat

• Many times threats are perceived based on prior learning experiences that trigger memories or critical self-talk

• By knowing what is important and meaningful in your life you can more effectively identify what things actually present a threat and respond more effectively.

Comments 
loading
00:00
00:00
1.0x

0.5x

0.8x

1.0x

1.25x

1.5x

2.0x

3.0x

Anger, Irritation and Resentment (Clear the AIR)

Anger, Irritation and Resentment (Clear the AIR)

Charles Snipes