Included (in order of being spoiled):

Barbie (movie)

Oppenheimer (movie)

2001: A Space Odyssey (movie)

Doctor Strangelove (movie)

XX - Rian Hughes (book)

Loki (show)

Loki (comics)

Suprised by Hope - NT  Wright (book)

-breathe in and out - okay, ready. I'm Mira. Welcome to a grand reflection

Intro:

Quick disclaimer, : This episode set is going over many recent and not-so-recent movies and TV shows. I don't want to spoil anything for you.

But let's take a second to sit with what it means to spoil something. When we say something's spoiled, we mean it's gone bad. I think fears of a piece of media being spoiled are warranted if it's got a one-and done twist, or part of a longstanding series. The entertainment equivalent of milk gone too long in the fridge. Sour and unenjoyable. But there's a whole different set of things that need to be spoiled in order to fully enjoy. That's the beauty of fermentation. In fact, I think this sort of spoiling is what gives us come of the best things to consume. Cheese, wine, Kimchi, yoghurt, pickles, Mead... the list goes on. An intentional spoiling can enhance the end experience and maybe even get us a little altered in a good way.

So, Included in these next few podcasts are: The Barbie movie, Oppenheimer, the works of Stanley Kubrick, The Creator, The Matrix franchise, Into and Across the Spiderverse, Asteroid City, and the Loki TV show. Probably more. (Quick List at top of show notes)

With that said: I urge you to step into this whole things unafraid of contamination, and instead revel in the fact that you're about to partake in a well-aged treat. There's too much cross-contamination and jumping around to hope to keep this thing quote-unquote "pure".  There's no getting through this one without getting a little messy.

Okay, still in? cool. Purity be damned, spoilers ahead, lets dive in!

-breathe in and out - Okay, ready. I'm Mira. Welcome to a grand reflection. ["Let's do things differently this time. Like, so differenty" - Across the Spiderverse] OH! Yeah, okay. good idea spider-gwen.  Intro music?[MUUUUSSSSSIIIICCCCC!!!!} Okay, ready. I'm Mira. Welcome to a grand reflection.

But real talk: what else could be different? Well, for one, I think I was too married to the idea that this all needs to be natural and unscripted. There's a phrase from the movie Asteroid City: [You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep" -Asteroid City]

It's a messy phrase to untangle, and I think it can be taken multiple ways (and, we will definitely get into some of those ways later on), but one way I take it is that sometimes the need for the real and unscripted is actually less effective than allowing it to unfold a little more like a story. So, We're trying the story route. And, I'm going to use some movies this season to really help me to step into it. ["this is a bad idea' - Loki s1e1 ]

It all feels pretty meta, right? Using a season about stories to let the story of this podcast better unfold? Oh, but we'll get to the meta stuff later. For now, just know that this is all scripted. ['None of this is real?" "What is real? How do you define real?" -the Matrix] It's real in the sense that it's coming from me still. I'm reading off of something I wrote ahead of time. And, that's actually a wonderful thing for many reasons that I can't quite get into yet. Consider that another foreshadow.

But for now, let me bring you up to speed on some changes I've been going through. Last we talked was spring, and that was the trans Easter episode. ['If I am to deny my transness..." - Transfroming Easter episode]I don't know about you, but for me, that episode was revelatory. Like, the kind of thing that bring revolutions. oh! but, shoot.  That's yet another thing for later. Let me loop back another time, and tell you where I've been all summer.

Catch up:

So, in that Easter episode, I outed myself. Emerged from the grave so to speak (or at least the closet). And, as fearful as I was about having it all out in the open, it had tremendous benefits. First, it gave me some peace of mind, and melded together two parts of myself that felt in opposition. ["A beautiful merging of form and function" - Loki, s2e5] Figuring out a way to have my faith and my internal identity not only co-exist, but actually inform and enrich each other has been incredibly useful on the never-ending journey to wholeness. Another benefit was that I got a few surprises as far as support goes. People I didn't know were listening in, but messaged me afterward with very kind and affirming words.

One of the most important surprises regarding that was my mom. She had been behind on episodes, and I assumed she would listen to them chronologically. I told her it was important in order to see where my thoughts have been going, and that catching up would also mean understanding me better. I expected to ease her into it as she listened along.

But she terrified me with a message saying she skipped ahead listened to my most recent episode a couple of days after I released it.  I should have made a spoiler alert for her, am I right? Anyway, she sent me a long message saying how much she loved me and expressed how bad she felt that she just didn't know. She expressed the need to come up to see me in person and hear about this part of myself that she's eager to meet more of. I think subconsciously I was both postponing this conversation and waiting for it to happen.  I was afraid of losing that beautiful lifeline of family because I've relied on that connection a lot in the past for well-being. And, my mom's side of the family is all really close. If I didn't have her support, I would likely lose the support of most of whom I call family as well. So it was all a huge subconscious burden lifted. But, she visited and saw how happy I've been, and has been affirming ever since.

I actually had scheduled an appointment with my doctor a couple of months before doing the Easter episode. However, because of how overloaded my doctor's schedule tends to be (just like all of healthcare in America), the appointment had to be scheduled months in advance. Initially, I had scheduled it as an exploratory appointment. Basically, I just wanted to hear what sort of possibilities were out there for me, and hadn't decided at the time if I even wanted to do any sort of transition.  But something about knowing I had the support of loved ones sealed the deal for me when it came to deciding to take hormones. By the time I got to the appointment, which was just after I released the episode, I had already made up my mind and told my doctor that I was interested.

It turned out pretty straightforward. Oregon is really supportive when it comes to gender care, and I'm extremely grateful for that. All I had to do after telling my doctor was do a quick blood test to make sure nothing weird was going on behind the scenes, as well as to create a baseline for where my hormones were so we could know if the dosing was good. Once that cleared, I was written a prescription and was good to go pick up the estrogen from my local pharmacy.

I know that seems intense. reckless even. And without much hesitancy on the doctor's end. But I just want to take a moment to reflect on how these hormones actually react in the body. The changes take years, just like any puberty. It's more about giving the body new instructions as it rebuilds itself than it is drastically mutating the body. It takes months before there are any so called "Irreversable damages", which is a phrase often used by those opposed to the process. But those supposed mutilations of the body are no different than changes that happen during a natural puberty. And, those teenage changes happen whether someone wants them to or not.I really don't think the changes are irreversible though, whether it's a first or second puberty. But, it is a big pain to deal with and adjust for. I'll give them that. but it means there's no neutral ground here. But regret rates are insanely low compared to other things we let kids do with their bodies like join the military or bring a pregnancy to term. I would give anything to have had the chance to go on hormones as a teen, and it does feel like I'm now in the process of undoing a lot of those changes brought on by testosterone so long ago.

My point is that the chance of risk was low and the chance of benefit was high. Starting a dose of hormones is as simple as taking a pill once a day for a while and seeing how it makes you feel. the changes don't co