Becoming Self-Confident, Learning Healthy Relationship Skills, and Trusting Yourself: June Mailbag
Digest
This episode of Being Well dives into a series of listener questions, offering insightful advice on navigating common relationship challenges. The first question explores how to deal with a chronically negative friend or coworker. Dr. Rick Hansen suggests going beyond surface-level interactions and inquiring into the deeper reasons behind their negativity, fostering understanding and potentially shifting their perspective. The second question focuses on a 27-year-old struggling with avoidance tendencies in dating, stemming from a difficult childhood with an emotionally unstable mother. Dr. Hansen emphasizes the importance of connecting with emotions through body sensations, identifying specific fears, and taking small, systematic steps to overcome avoidance. He also highlights the significance of clarity of intention, interpersonal skills, and a relaxed, authentic approach to dating. The third question delves into the line between healthy connection and codependency, particularly in a new relationship with someone who has had codependency issues in the past. Dr. Hansen clarifies that codependency often involves enabling unhealthy behaviors, emphasizing the importance of clear communication, setting boundaries, and internalizing support received from others. The final question addresses a 60-year-old struggling with a difficult relationship with their mother, feeling triggered and devalued whenever they are around her. Dr. Hansen acknowledges the validity of taking space from a toxic relationship, emphasizing that it is not a sign of failure but a necessary step for self-preservation. He also suggests exploring deeper levels of healing and potentially finding reparative experiences with other people. The episode concludes with a powerful reminder to focus on one's own noble purposes and values, finding peace and fulfillment in living authentically.
Outlines
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Introduction
This Chapter introduces the Being Well podcast and its hosts, Forest Hansen and Dr. Rick Hansen. They announce that they will be answering listener questions in this episode.
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Dealing with Negativity
This Chapter addresses a listener's question about navigating a friend's constant negativity. Dr. Hansen suggests exploring the reasons behind the negativity and the listener's own tendencies to join in. He emphasizes the importance of staying grounded in one's own positive perspective and potentially shifting the conversation towards more positive topics.
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Overcoming Avoidance in Dating
This Chapter focuses on a listener's struggle with avoidance tendencies in dating, stemming from a difficult childhood. Dr. Hansen advises connecting with emotions through body sensations, identifying specific fears, and taking small, systematic steps to overcome avoidance. He also emphasizes the importance of clarity of intention, interpersonal skills, and a relaxed, authentic approach to dating.
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Healthy Connection vs. Codependency
This Chapter addresses a listener's question about navigating healthy boundaries in a new relationship with someone who has had codependency issues in the past. Dr. Hansen clarifies the concept of codependency and emphasizes the importance of clear communication, setting boundaries, and internalizing support received from others.
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Seeking Approval and Validation
This Chapter explores a listener's tendency to constantly seek approval and validation from others. Dr. Hansen suggests internalizing the approval and validation received, becoming more disenchanted with external validation, and focusing on developing a stronger sense of self-worth.
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Managing Difficult Relationships with Aging Parents
This Chapter addresses a listener's struggle with a difficult relationship with their aging mother. Dr. Hansen acknowledges the validity of taking space from a toxic relationship, emphasizing that it is not a sign of failure but a necessary step for self-preservation. He also suggests exploring deeper levels of healing and potentially finding reparative experiences with other people.
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Episode Summary
This Chapter summarizes the key takeaways from the episode, highlighting the importance of going beyond surface-level interactions, connecting with emotions through body sensations, setting healthy boundaries, developing self-worth, and finding peace in living authentically.
Keywords
Being Well
Being Well is a podcast hosted by Forest Hansen and Dr. Rick Hansen, focusing on personal growth, well-being, and navigating life's challenges. The podcast features insightful conversations, practical advice, and a focus on emotional intelligence and self-awareness.
Codependency
Codependency is a term used to describe a relationship dynamic where one person enables or supports the unhealthy behaviors of another. It often involves excessive emotional reliance, blurred boundaries, and a lack of autonomy. Codependency can be harmful to both individuals involved.
Avoidance Tendencies
Avoidance tendencies refer to a pattern of behavior where individuals avoid situations or emotions that they perceive as threatening or uncomfortable. This can manifest in various ways, such as withdrawing from social situations, avoiding conflict, or suppressing emotions. Avoidance tendencies can be rooted in past experiences and can hinder personal growth and healthy relationships.
Self-Worth
Self-worth refers to the value and importance that an individual places on themselves. It is a fundamental aspect of self-esteem and mental well-being. Individuals with high self-worth tend to have a positive self-image, feel confident in their abilities, and are less dependent on external validation.
Noble Purposes
Noble purposes refer to the values, goals, and aspirations that guide an individual's life. They are often rooted in a sense of meaning, purpose, and contribution to the world. Identifying and living in alignment with one's noble purposes can provide a sense of direction, fulfillment, and inner peace.
Emotional Nurturance
Emotional nurturance refers to the process of providing emotional support, care, and validation to another person. It involves creating a safe and supportive environment where individuals feel seen, heard, and valued. Emotional nurturance is essential for healthy relationships and personal growth.
Aging Parents
Aging parents refer to individuals who are in their later years of life. As parents age, they may experience physical and cognitive decline, requiring increased support and care from their children. Navigating relationships with aging parents can be challenging, particularly when there are unresolved issues or difficult dynamics.
Toxic Relationships
Toxic relationships are characterized by unhealthy patterns of communication, behavior, and power dynamics. They can be emotionally draining, harmful to self-esteem, and hinder personal growth. It is important to recognize and address toxic relationships in order to protect one's well-being.
Boundaries
Boundaries are limits and guidelines that individuals establish to protect their physical, emotional, and mental well-being. They define what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in relationships. Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and promoting personal growth.
Authenticity
Authenticity refers to the quality of being true to oneself, expressing one's genuine thoughts, feelings, and values. It involves living in alignment with one's inner self and not conforming to external pressures or expectations. Authenticity is essential for self-acceptance, self-esteem, and genuine connection with others.
Q&A
How can I deal with a friend or coworker who is constantly negative?
Dr. Hansen suggests going beyond surface-level interactions and inquiring into the deeper reasons behind their negativity. He emphasizes the importance of staying grounded in your own positive perspective and potentially shifting the conversation towards more positive topics.
I'm struggling with avoidance tendencies in dating. How can I overcome this?
Dr. Hansen advises connecting with emotions through body sensations, identifying specific fears, and taking small, systematic steps to overcome avoidance. He also emphasizes the importance of clarity of intention, interpersonal skills, and a relaxed, authentic approach to dating.
What is the line between healthy connection and codependency?
Dr. Hansen clarifies that codependency often involves enabling unhealthy behaviors. He emphasizes the importance of clear communication, setting boundaries, and internalizing support received from others.
How can I heal from constantly seeking approval and validation from others?
Dr. Hansen suggests internalizing the approval and validation received, becoming more disenchanted with external validation, and focusing on developing a stronger sense of self-worth.
I'm struggling with a difficult relationship with my aging mother. How can I manage this?
Dr. Hansen acknowledges the validity of taking space from a toxic relationship, emphasizing that it is not a sign of failure but a necessary step for self-preservation. He also suggests exploring deeper levels of healing and potentially finding reparative experiences with other people.
How can I be more present in my relationships and go beyond surface-level interactions?
Dr. Hansen suggests asking follow-up questions to understand the deeper reasons behind people's actions and emotions. This can help deepen relationships and foster genuine connection.
What are some practical steps to overcome avoidance tendencies?
Dr. Hansen recommends connecting with emotions through body sensations, identifying specific fears, and taking small, systematic steps to overcome avoidance. He also emphasizes the importance of clarity of intention and a relaxed, authentic approach to dating.
How can I establish healthy boundaries in a relationship with someone who has had codependency issues?
Dr. Hansen emphasizes the importance of clear communication, setting boundaries, and internalizing support received from others. He also suggests focusing on developing a stronger sense of self-worth and autonomy.
How can I develop a stronger sense of self-worth?
Dr. Hansen suggests internalizing the approval and validation received, becoming more disenchanted with external validation, and focusing on developing a stronger sense of self-worth. He also recommends identifying and living in alignment with one's noble purposes.
What are some strategies for managing a difficult relationship with an aging parent?
Dr. Hansen acknowledges the validity of taking space from a toxic relationship, emphasizing that it is not a sign of failure but a necessary step for self-preservation. He also suggests exploring deeper levels of healing and potentially finding reparative experiences with other people. He emphasizes the importance of focusing on one's own noble purposes and values, finding peace and fulfillment in living authentically.
Show Notes
Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag and answer questions from listeners. They explore how to deal with chronically negative people, managing avoidant tendencies that get in the way of us finding a great relationship, and separating normal desires for support from more problematic ones. They then talk about how we can build self-confidence and become more internally referenced, before closing the episode with a sticky situation involving supporting an aging parent.
If you’d like to send in a question to be answered on the podcast, join our Patreon or email us at contact@beingwellpodcast.com.
You can watch this episode on YouTube.
Key Topics:
0:00 : Introduction
1:00 : My friend is chronically negative, what can I do?
13:05 : How can I move past a cycle of avoidance that’s inhibiting my ability to find a good relationship?
26:05 : I want to be supported by my partner, but I’m worried about becoming enmeshed. How can I seek help in a healthy way?
39:30 : How do I stop seeking validation from others?
45:20 : How do I react to ongoing criticism from an aging parent?
58:15 : Recap
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