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Big Jesus Retouch Energy

Big Jesus Retouch Energy

Update: 2020-10-05


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  • The raddest place to play web games.

  • Topic Time.

  • Something the Algorithm decided you should know about.

  • Having a hairstyle identical to the one you had in that music video thirty years ago.

  • Having an appropriate face for your voice.

  • Rickroll Georg who lives in a cave and has rickrolled people over a billion times.

  • The patron saint of being disappointed.

  • A bobblehead of Rick Astley on a crucifix.

  • Taking the loupe out of your breast pocket to check if your date's crucifix is really Jesus or if it's Rick Astley again.

  • The YouTube algorithm deciding it's important that everyone learn how to make a house out of sticks in the swamp.

  • What the Dancing Baby is up to these days.

  • How memes propagated before social media.

  • A deep learning up-rez of the Dancing Baby at 1080p and 60FPS.

  • A reverse engineered Diddy Kong 3D model with big Retouched Jesus energy.

  • Memes: look 'em up.

  • The ethics of adding a moment of silence in post.

  • Giving Rick Astley the Topic Lords Bump.

  • Memorizing the eye test they give you at the DMV because you keep forgetting your glasses.

  • The guy who only cracked the knuckles of one of his hands to test the hypothesis that cracking your knuckles causes arthritis.

  • Repeatedly breaking your knuckles so you can have enormous terrifying swollen knuckles and calling it a "bone trick"

  • The Bone Trick Brothers trying to out knuckle each other.

  • The doors that are now open to the Bone Trick Brothers.

  • The Bone Trick Brothers growing up to be insurance investigators specializing in knuckleheads.

  • The complete impossibility of photographing prawns.

  • Having to tell a

  • A derivatives market for trading futures contracts against the six genetically engineered prawns used in all food photography.

  • Being totally bought into a complete lie because it was written in a convincing authorial voice.

  • Being convinced by photo evidence even though you haven't looked at the photo evidence.

  • Getting your one mistake out of the way and having smooth sailing for the rest of your life.

  • This Headline is False.

  • Squinting at a plate of colorful rice and trying to see a negative space prawn.

  • Scientists just realizing that nobody has cooked a real prawn in decades.

  • The last topic being a complete fabrication.

  • Opening a hole in reality and pulling in alternate reality Topic Lords episodes where Jim is in a biker club and has guests named Rex.

  • Getting notifications any time a podcast anywhere in the multiverse talks about you.

  • Not even liking notifications from this universe.

  • Lyrics that sound like words but are not words.

  • A podcast as a way for people who miss you after you die to listen to you talk for hours about inane bullshit.

  • The first year of Topic Lords topics in a coffee table book.

  • When GPT-3 Jim is narrating the podcast of the future.

  • Instead of doing the whole trial, just doing the first few minutes of the trial and sending the transcript through GPT-3 and searching for "verdict."

  • Whether we're still talking about prawns.

  • Chunky Integers.

  • Feeling the weight of smaller numbers better than enormous ones.

  • The advantages and disadvantages of binary-coded decimal.

  • Feeding a virtual pet except you're just clicking on cookies.

  • Comparing sizes and distances and only really caring about order of magnitude.

  • A ragtag team of Internet people spending decades elaborating on your game idea.

  • Dozens of people adding features that they think will be cool and hoping that after ten years of this a good game design will emerge.

  • How Micheal Jackson might hypothetically have written the Sonic 3 soundtrack.

  • Getting excited to go down a YouTube rabbit hole.

  • An even cooler mystery than the mystery of the prawns.

  • Whether you like a song being predicated on exactly how familiar it is to you.

  • Loving the Sonic 3 soundtrack so much that you track down this Michael Jackson guy's other music.

  • Like playing an ARG except you're just living your life.

  • A Doom mod secretly being the best Sonic the Hedgehog game even though Doom doesn't support slopes so they can't do the loop-the-loop.

  • Modding room-over-room into the Doom engine so that you can put loop-the-loops in Sonic Robo Blast 2.

  • A great place you got here, lotta nice topics, really screams "party."

  • A part time paid employee who just came out of the woodwork.

  • Being a leaf node on the employment tree.

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Big Jesus Retouch Energy

Big Jesus Retouch Energy

Jim Stormdancer