Boo-nus Bang: Leo Karpatze's Monster Match '77

Update: 2024-10-31

Digest

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang Presents features the first chronological appearance of Leo Carpazzi's Monster Match 77, a failed horror-themed dating show. The episode begins with the introduction of the show's announcer, Peanut Per Sullivan, who warms up the audience with practice rounds of applause, laughter, and "oozes and woos." He then introduces the cast and crew, including the showrunner, Dick Nightingale, and the composer, Leo Carpazzi. The first monster looking for love is Jeannie Delgado, a vampire who claims only her hands are vampires. She explains her unusual situation and her work at a charcoal briquette stand off I-90. The first vampire bachelor, Lawrence, is introduced as a wolfman, but he is actually a normal man who claims to transform into a wolfman during the full moon. The second bachelor, Creature, is a real monster who has found religion after a drug addiction and intervention. Jeannie Delgado interviews the two vampire bachelors, asking them questions about their beliefs in love at first fright and their views on religion. Creature's religious pronouncements make Jeannie's vampire hands uncomfortable. Igor, a lab assistant, asks Creature where he would want Jeannie to keep her vampire hands during the day. Creature responds with a detailed explanation of his preferred sexual act, "gill soaking," which he claims is the only one God approves of. Jeannie asks the bachelors how they would arrange three corpses in her living room to express their love. The conversation turns to Leo's past tragedies, and he reveals that he was involved in a hit-and-run accident. Jeannie chooses Lawrence as her monster match, despite his lack of wolfman transformation. She plans to tie him up and put him in a cage during the full moon. Igor, a lab assistant who works for Dr. Frankenstein, is introduced as the next aspiring love bird. He reveals his gigantic hump, which swells when he gets excited, and his unionized status with Ayatsi. The first vampire bachelorette, the Blob, is introduced. She is an amorphous, amoeba-like entity who engulfs things and people. She explains her preferences for a romantic partner, including tolerance for pain and a low threshold for everything else. The second vampire bachelorette, Belinda, is introduced as a clog. She explains that she is part person, part clog, and that her private parts are the only human parts. She reveals her preferences for a mate, including attendance, babies, and someone who wants to talk to her soul, not her clogs. Igor interviews the two vampire bachelorettes, asking them about their ideal first date. The Blob prefers a buffet and walking around, while Belinda wants to meet Igor's parents and go on a romantic walk on bridges. Igor asks the bachelorettes how they would propose to him if they were to get married. The Blob responds with a heartfelt, but slightly grim, proposal, while Belinda admits that even talking about marriage makes her sick. Igor chooses the Blob as his monster match, despite her engulfing tendencies. He is excited but sad about his decision, and he feels that Belinda would be too loud and noisy. The episode ends with a post-show discussion between Leo Carpazzi, Dick Nightingale, and Peanut Per Sullivan. They discuss the show's success, the green goo gag, and Leo's emotional state as a recently widowed man. The episode concludes with Leo singing a raunchy version of the Monster Mash.

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