Daniel asks Soren what his dream children’s birthday party would look like—and is horrified by the answer. They discuss the grim realities of modern parenting etiquette: napkins that disintegrate on contact, unguarded bathroom doors, and the impossibility of feeding both adults and children. Plus: Spider-Man party flirting, a Chuck E. Cheese beatdown, and why kids no longer open presents in front of each other.

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