Have you ever been totally into someone and then suddenly… you get the ick? One minute you’re feeling the spark, the next you’re questioning everything over something as small as flip-flops. Getting the ick can feel like a dealbreaker, but does it really mean your relationship is doomed - or is it pointing to something deeper inside of you?

In this episode, I talk with therapist and journalist Matt Hussey about what the ick really is, why it shows up, and how to handle it without panicking or shutting down. We’ll look at the biology of disgust, the ways old hurts and perfectionism can shape our reactions, and how curiosity can transform that “ugh” moment into an opportunity for growth and connection.

Matt also points out (as he shared in Vogue) that sometimes the ick is less about your partner and more about self-protection. Instead of working through discomfort or vulnerability, we latch onto surface-level quirks. Understanding that difference between a fleeting ick and a real red flag can help you respond with clarity instead of fear.

Episode Breakdown:
00:00 What Is the Ick?
03:00 Getting the Ick in Modern Relationships
11:13 Why Curiosity Matters More Than Snap Judgments
22:07 Self-Protection, Trauma, and the Ick
29:15 How to Handle the Ick in Relationships
38:29 Avoidant Attachment and the Ick
44:10 Fantasy vs. Reality in Love

Reflect with me for a moment: What has triggered the ick for you in the past? Did it reveal something about your partner, or did it say more about what was happening inside of you? And how might curiosity change the way you respond the next time those feelings come up?

If you’d like more support around communication and connection, check out my Communication That Connects Free Training and take the How Healthy Is Your Relationship? Quiz for a clear snapshot of what’s working and what could use care.

And let’s stay connected - join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube, where I share more tools to help you grow in love and life. If this episode sparked a question or an idea you’d like me to explore next, I’d love to hear from you. Let’s talk!

I also want to thank today’s sponsor, Headway. As much as I love books, finding time to read isn’t always realistic. That’s why I use the Headway app - it gives me key takeaways from incredible books in minutes. I use it almost every day as part of my own growth. You can save 25% when you go to makeheadway.com/lhs and use promo code LHS.

Let’s keep learning and growing together. 🌱

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Growing Self