DiscoverCounselor Toolbox PodcastChanging Habits with Radical Acceptance and Purposeful Action
Changing Habits with Radical Acceptance and Purposeful Action

Changing Habits with Radical Acceptance and Purposeful Action

Update: 2019-10-04
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428- Changing Habits with Acceptance and Purposeful Action


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Objectives

– Review the –Habits of Highly Effective People and how they apply to recovery from mental health and addiction issues

Be Proactive

– Be response-able

– Your life (Vehicle)

– What people things and activities are important to your life- What is your destination / Good Orderly Direction-

– What thoughts, attitudes and self talk will help you move toward that destination- (Empowering, accepting, compassionate)

– What actions will help you move toward that destination- (self-care, building support, therapy, new job…)

– What challenges or adversities can you plan for and mitigate- (Illness, financial stresses, bad days, deaths, holidays…)

Be Proactive

– Be response-able

– Your recovery (Engine)

– What people things and activities are important to your recovery- What do you need to do to maintain your happiness-

– How is your recovery important to your overall life goal or destination- In what ways does it impact the people and things that are important to you-

– What challenges or adversities can you plan for and mitigate-

Be Proactive

– Focus on what is within your control

– Imagine a blizzard or hurricane is coming

– What is and is not within your control-

– How can you minimize the distress

– How can you maximize the happy and build your reserves

– Make a list of things (including positive things) that are within your control

Be Proactive

– Develop skills to help you regulate your emotions, urges and actions and choose those that help you move toward happiness.

– Admit and learn from mistakes

– Practice the 3 finger rule

ACT

– Action

– Changes

– Things


– What action can you take right now to start changing things for the better-

Begin with the End in Mind

– Most failures result from failure to envision/plan (within reason)

– Going to the gym

– Going to the grocery without a list

– Going on vacation without a destination

– Starting a project without a plan

Begin with the End in Mind

– Envision in your mind what you cannot at present see

– If you were happy, what would be same and different-

– What is your personal mission statement (revisable)-

– What do you do-

– How do you do it-

– Why do you do it-

– What do I really want out of life-

– What am I uniquely put on earth to achieve-

– What do I believe my purpose or mission is in life-

Begin with the End in Mind

– Envision in your mind what you cannot at present see

– If you were happy, what would be same and different-

– What is your personal mission statement (revisable)-

– What do you do-

– How do you do it-

– Why do you do it-

Begin with the End in Mind

– Plan ahead and set goals

– Specific

– Measurable

– Achievable

– Time Limited

– Realistic

– Rewarding

– Envision reaching your destination daily.

– Keep track of progress toward your destination.


Put First Things First (Purposeful Action)

– Recognize that not doing everything is okay.

– Prioritize by practicing mindful discipline

– Remind yourself why you do the things you do

– For new opportunities, ask “Does X get you closer to the things that are most important to you-”

– Organization reduces stress and energy expenditure

– Do you have energy and time to do it over if you don’t do it right the first time- (Outlining)

– It's all right to say no or ask for help when necessary to focus on your highest priorities.

Put First Things First (Purposeful Action)

– Practice Time Management

– List the “have tos” for a week

– Cross off anything that doesn’t get you closer to your goals. (paying bills vs. social media)

– Prioritize what is left

– Delegate when possible

– Simplify when possible

– Make a plan to balance the tasks with the goals

– Finishing a project vs. kids baseball game

Put First Things First (Purposeful Action)

– Address procrastination

– Fear of success

– Fear of failure

– Lack of motivation

Think Win-Win

– Four vital character traits:

– Self-Respect: Sticking with your true feelings, values, and commitments

– Respect and compassion for others ideas and feelings of others

– Abundance Mentality: Believing there is plenty for everyone

– Wisdom: Ability to walk the middle path both/and

– 3 steps

– See the issue from the other person’s point of view and identify key issues involved

– Determine what a successful resolution would look like

– Identify and effectively communicate options to achieve those resolutions, including compromise

Think Win-Win

– Your success doesn’t mean someone else’s failure

– Cooperation is less stressful than competition

– Surround yourself with people smarter than you

– Look for ways you can cooperate to achieve mutual goals “How can this resolve to make us both happy-”

– Examine common areas of competition for purposefulness and cooperation

– Job promotion

– Relationships

– Attractiveness

Problem Solving Paradigms

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

– Actually listen (diagnose, then prescribe)

– To yourself…shutting out the “should voices”

– To others…without trying to form a response

– Types of listening

– Pretending: humming along while not really following.

– Selective listening: hearing what you want to hear.

– Attentive listening: paying attention to the words.

– Empathic listening: intending to understand what the other is trying to communicate.

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

– Look at the bigger picture

– Avoid only focusing on certain aspects

– Use factual, not emotional reasoning


Synergize

– Have one common vision – one common goal

– Have a sense of self

– Value differences and new ideas – stay authentic

– Embrace trust and elicit support

– Accept the better way will likely not be their way…100%


– Be respectful to everyone – everything

– Be able and willing to apologize and forgive

– Practice mindful listening (listen with empathy)

– Maintain an open desire to understand

– Control negative judgment

– Stay with Win / Win


Sharpen the Saw / Prevent Vulnerabilities

– Happiness requires rest and renewal…balance

– Which takes more time… sawing a tree with a completely dull blade or taking the time to sharpen the blade before sawing the tree-

– Time-limit problem focus

– Physical: Good nutrition, sleep, relaxation, exercise

– Social/Emotional: Making meaningful connections with others and maintain a compassionate awareness of self

– Mental: Learning, hobbies, reading, writing, mindfulness

– Spiritual: Explore your interconnectedness with others and everything

Summary

– Proactivity helps people stay healthy and energized, effectively plan for known stresses and prepare for the unknown reducing fear of the unknown and last minute chaos.

– Beginning with the end and putting first things first helps people identify what areas and tasks to use their limited energy on

– Think win-win, seeking to understand and synergizing all help reduce stress associated with competition and misunderstandings to help all people move toward happiness

– Sharpening the saw helps people focus on preventing and mitigating vulnerabilities.

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Changing Habits with Radical Acceptance and Purposeful Action

Changing Habits with Radical Acceptance and Purposeful Action

Charles Snipes