DiscoverTopic LordsConjure A False Gobot
Conjure A False Gobot

Conjure A False Gobot

Update: 2019-11-04


Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!




  • Lord enthusiasm.

  • Thinking of Ghostbusters because you can't imagine a firefighter.

  • Foraging for oats on the top floor of a fire station.

  • Installing a pole because your infant son can't descend stairs.

  • Finding a horse in a tree.

  • Playing CLOP to learn empathy for the descending horse.

  • Replacing a spiral staircase with a normal staircase.

  • The entire city burning down because the firefighters can't get past the horse that's stuck on the landing.

  • Becoming a morning person because of your government job.

  • Your child possibly loving the daycare lady more than he loves you.

  • Taking melatonin because you don't have the discipline for not looking at screens before bed.

  • The shitty dreams of melatonin boot camp.

  • Gnawing on the melatonin and leaving it on the nightstand for next time.

  • Your body getting stuck on a particular sleep schedule long past its relevance.

  • Hypothesizing how much long-lasting damage you did with your teenage sleep habits.

  • Focusing better because everyone else is asleep.

  • Working until 4am because you're being so productive.

  • Not knowing how ads work because you have an ad-blocker installed.

  • Finding about how ads work from an 11 year old.

  • Your alternate reality self who enjoys a good advertisement now and again.

  • Maintaining the pace of film trailers for over an hour.

  • Mistaking the trailer before the movie as being part of the movie.

  • Nobody being fooled by your fake trailer because people don't watch movies in theaters any more.

  • Avoiding watching Bandersnatch because you're a completionist.

  • The technical difficulties of adding late choice points to an otherwise linear film.

  • Being nostalgic for old UIs of web services.

  • Finding a web page that hasn't changed in 15 years.

  • Finding a web page that looks 15 years old but also has a mobile style sheet.

  • Editing an innocuous fact on Wikipedia that nobody will bother to fact-check.

  • Asking to view a historical document and sneaking in a quill pen and inkwell to modify it.

  • Citing your doctored document on Wikipedia.

  • Befriending a history professor and asking them to mention your fake Kansas senator in a published paper.

  • Falsifying movie running times just because you can get away with it.

  • Citing an obscure magazine as your source on Wikipedia because nobody will bother to check.

  • Clinging to the scraps of the past that you've salvaged from eBay and garage sale VHS tapes.

  • Poor documentation of pop culture leading to compelling mysteries.

  • Drowning true information with false information.

  • The downside of having a unique Google string.

  • Having repercussions on all levels of nested reality.

  • Dreams as really lazy storytelling.

  • Remembering facts without remembering their origin.

  • Getting stuck opening a door to mask dream loading time.

  • Making up any old bullshit and being convinced it's a Beatles rarity.

  • Desperately fleeing from the "The End" title card.

  • Realizing your dream is actually just the plot of The Neverending Story.

Support Topic Lords

In Channel
Abstinent Train Polycule

Abstinent Train Polycule


Strip Laser Tag

Strip Laser Tag


The Bowerbird's Apprentice

The Bowerbird's Apprentice


A Pickled Egg Christmas

A Pickled Egg Christmas


Yelling Sweater

Yelling Sweater


A Buzzsaw Made Of Bananas

A Buzzsaw Made Of Bananas


I Don't Want To Be Skin Dad

I Don't Want To Be Skin Dad


Dad Is A Cenobite

Dad Is A Cenobite


Kurt Cobain Vocaloid

Kurt Cobain Vocaloid


Ask The Propagated Cactus

Ask The Propagated Cactus


I Hate This Gilded Boat

I Hate This Gilded Boat


I Love A Good Mind Poop

I Love A Good Mind Poop



Very Hype About This Apple

Very Hype About This Apple


Download from Google Play
Download from App Store








Sleep Timer


End of Episode

5 Minutes

10 Minutes

15 Minutes

30 Minutes

45 Minutes

60 Minutes

120 Minutes

Conjure A False Gobot

Conjure A False Gobot

Jim Stormdancer