Does Parenting Make You a Better Person? (with Erik Hoel)

Update: 2024-07-22

Digest

This episode of EconTalk features a conversation with neuroscientist, philosopher, and novelist Eric Hoel, where they delve into the multifaceted nature of parenting. Hoel argues that parenting has made him a better person, specifically less jaded, by forcing him to relinquish his self-centeredness and appreciate the world's complexity anew. He describes his pre-children life as a "utility monster," constantly optimizing for his own preferences, and says parenting has helped him see the world with fresh eyes. The conversation explores the challenges of measuring the impact of parenting on happiness, acknowledging the existence of studies suggesting childless individuals are happier, but highlighting the limitations of such research. They emphasize the subjective nature of parenting experiences and the difficulty of generalizing from individual anecdotes. Hoel argues that despite the individual variations in parenting experiences, certain aspects are relatively predictable. He believes most parents, particularly those at a certain socioeconomic level, share a common desire to be good parents and provide their children with enriching experiences. The discussion delves into the research on parenting styles, acknowledging the difficulty of isolating the effects of parenting from socioeconomic factors. They highlight the challenges of controlling for variables and the tendency for parents within similar socioeconomic groups to share similar parenting practices. Hoel elaborates on his claim that parenting has made him a better person, specifically less jaded, attributing this change to the renewed appreciation for the world's complexity that comes from explaining it to a child. He contrasts his pre-children boredom with the world's lore to his current fascination with it, sparked by his children's curiosity. The conversation explores the bittersweet nature of parenting, acknowledging the heartbreak of seeing children grow up and become their own people. Hoel highlights the challenges of navigating their developing personalities and the inevitable shift in their relationship with their parents. The podcast delves into different parenting styles, including authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. Hoel argues that authoritative parenting, characterized by a balance of nurturing and authority, generally leads to better developmental outcomes. He discusses the potential pitfalls of authoritarian parenting, which can lead to psychological harm, and permissive parenting, which can lack necessary boundaries. Hoel challenges the notion of an innate "what do you want to be when you grow up?" personality. He suggests that personality is more fluid and develops over time, shaped by experiences and interactions with the world. He emphasizes the importance of allowing children to be their own people while acknowledging the role of parental guidance in shaping their preferences and interests. The conversation explores the role of children in providing meaning to life, acknowledging the potential for children to make life more meaningful, but also recognizing the subjective nature of this experience. They explore the idea that children represent a form of creative potential and a connection to something deeper and more primordial. The episode concludes with a reflection on the importance of embracing the initial, often romanticized, perspective on parenthood. It suggests that the initial awe and wonder associated with the experience can be a valuable and accurate lens through which to view the world.

Outlines