Digest

This podcast episode features a conversation with Early Brunner, a trans, crust punk, alcoholic, and creator of "De-Mystify Recovery." Early shares their extensive personal history, detailing a challenging childhood, early experimentation with drugs and alcohol within the punk scene, and a progression into harder substances. The discussion covers their nomadic lifestyle, including train hopping and migrant farm work, and various experiences with addiction, psychosis, and recovery. Early contrasts their approach with traditional 12-step programs, advocating for harm reduction and diverse recovery paths. The episode also includes promotions for various treatment centers and the "Dopey" podcast community.

Outlines

00:00:00

Introduction to "Don't Be Podcast" and Sponsor Mentions

The podcast begins with its signature jingle and introduction, inviting listener call-ins. It then promotes Aurel Recovery, a Newsweek-recognized treatment center in Southern California, and introduces the "Dopey" podcast, focusing on drugs, addiction, and personal gratitude. Details about the upcoming Dopeywood event in Los Angeles are shared, along with promotions for Patreon exclusive content and a free Dopey Zoom marathon. A Dopey Fitness Challenge and a chicken thigh recipe are also mentioned.

00:07:10

Introduction of Guest Early Brunner and Early Life Experiences

The host introduces Early Brunner, identifying them as a trans, crust punk, alcoholic, and creator of "De-Mystify Recovery." A voicemail recounts a bizarre story from the early 90s involving a meth-fueled lizard burial. The episode features advertisements for Mountainside Treatment Center and Orchard on the Brazos. Listener comments from Spotify are discussed, covering gratitude and personal experiences.

00:34:17

Early Brunner's Journey: Identity, Punk Culture, and Early Drug Use

Dave reintroduces Early Brunner, highlighting their background and the "Recovery Demystified" podcast. An advertisement for Recovery Unplugged is presented. The interview delves into Early's childhood in Wisconsin, their self-identification as autistic, queer, and a recovering addict. They share a story about toads influencing a friend's sobriety and discuss their upbringing, early feelings of being a "freak," and the impact of undiagnosed autism. Early explains how drugs and drinking provided social connection, leading them into punk culture and early substance experimentation.

00:56:25

Escalation of Substance Use and Life in Milwaukee

Early describes their progression from weed and alcohol to harder drugs within the punk scene, influenced by older peers. The discussion touches on the romanticization versus the reality of drug use and its impact on activism. Early details the escalation of substance use in high school, leading to blackouts and family concern. After high school, they moved to Milwaukee for college, where a lack of structure led to a spiral of substance abuse, job instability, and near eviction. Experiences with huffing whippets and early job struggles are shared.

01:15:06

Austin Adventures, Psychosis, and Punk Scene Exploration

Fearing for their life, Early left Milwaukee for Austin, Texas, seeking a fresh start. In Austin, they continued to struggle with alcohol, experiencing their first alcohol-induced psychosis. Paranoia and continued substance use are described, along with recognizing the signs of psychosis. Early shares positive experiences in Austin's punk scene, meeting friends, and learning about anarchism and "Critical Mass." They detail travels involving train hopping and hitchhiking, embracing a punk ethos of freedom.

01:21:18

Train Hopping, Subcultures, and Travel Experiences

Early recounts their first train hopping attempt and the euphoric feeling of freight train riding. They discuss train culture, the distinction between crust punk and "oogles," and the cyclical nature of addiction and sobriety while traveling. Experiences include coast-to-coast travel in Canada and the US, with an anecdote from Alaska. The speaker describes moving to Gainesville, Florida, and immersing themselves in the local punk scene, leading to increased substance use, including poppers, crack, and heroin.

01:29:13

Miami's Punk Scene, Crack Use, and European Travels

Early details experiences in Miami's hardcore punk scene, where they began smoking crack. They describe extended crack smoking sessions leading to philosophical discussions and the practice of using "home bombs" to acquire drugs. A trip to Opalska, Florida, known for heroin, is mentioned. Nights in Miami involved drinking, crack use, and encounters at sketchy locations. Parties featured poppers and fake blood. The speaker then recounts travels in Europe, attending techno parties and experiencing divisions within the rave scene.

01:38:27

Rave Culture, Migrant Work, and Avoiding Needle Drugs

While bartending at a rave, Early experimented with speed and ketamine, ultimately preferring speed. They reflect on their month-long European trip. The speaker discusses migrant farm work, specifically sugar beet piling, as a job suitable for those struggling with hard drugs. They express a fear of needle drugs and recount witnessing the harsh realities of heroin addiction at the sugar beet harvest, while acknowledging the dangers of severe alcoholism.

01:45:00

Weed Farming, Theft, and Jail Experiences

The speaker reflects on the "sugar beetland" environment and contrasts different subcultures. They discuss working on weed farms, including an embarrassing firing incident and a more positive experience with punk colleagues. Challenges in weed farming employment are detailed, along with receiving payment in weed and the difficulties of transporting and selling it. The speaker recounts stealing from Walmart, getting caught, and the subsequent arrest, including a surprising act of kindness from a police officer.

01:56:51

Cycles of Sobriety, Sailing, and Alcoholism in Florida

The speaker describes their on-again, off-again sobriety, the shame associated with secret drinking, and a period of sobriety while sailing the Caribbean and Central America. They discuss the concept of a "crust island" in the Bahamas. The severity of their alcoholism in Miami is detailed, including blackouts and physical consequences. The speaker then moved to Northwest Arkansas, finding a small punk scene and living a rustic lifestyle.

02:01:00

Pivotal Moments: Friend's Death, Psychosis, and Institutionalization

The death of a close friend, Will, is identified as a pivotal moment inspiring sobriety. The speaker recounts interrupting a funeral and alienating family, followed by alcohol-induced psychosis, DUIs, and their first institutionalization in a psychiatric ward in Arkansas. They describe being misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder and over-medicated upon release.

02:07:22

Critiquing 12-Step Programs and the Birth of "Recovery Demystified"

The speaker explains their rejection of 12-step programs like AA, finding them alienating. They introduce "Recovery Demystified" as a crust-friendly approach embracing harm reduction and viewing relapse as normal. The concept of rolling a car while drunk and on medication, leading to a DUI, is mentioned. The speaker drove back to Wisconsin with family assistance, developing a "Kill Bill" revenge fantasy.

02:20:30

Arrest, Dog Rescue, and Continued Substance Abuse

The speaker was arrested for drinking in a parked car, with their dogs left unattended. A jailer's help led to their mother contacting a friend to rescue the dogs. After being asked to leave Vermont, they moved to Maine to work on a blueberry farm, continuing to drink heavily, struggle with suicidal thoughts, and steal wine. An ambulance encounter and refusal of care are described, followed by a return to Walmart and the loss of a dog.

02:28:01

Blueberry Farm Life, Alcoholism, and Father's Death

The blueberry farm is described as a place for individuals with troubled pasts, where the speaker continued to struggle with drinking, finding it easy to steal wine and viewing drinking as a compulsive "job." They state they never officially experienced Delirium Tremens (DTs) but endured withdrawal discomfort and psychosis. Identifying as a "true alcoholic," the speaker reflects on their father's sudden death as a significant turning point that prompted a desire for change.

02:34:11

Exploring Recovery Paths and "Recovery Demystified"

Following their father's death, the speaker explored recovery resources, experiencing moments of hope but still struggling with occasional drinking. They describe negative experiences with AA and the 12 steps, leading to the creation of "Recovery Demystified" as an alternative approach. This platform emphasizes empowerment, harm reduction, and acceptance of relapse, contrasting with the perceived rigidity of traditional programs.

02:38:52

Self-Trust, Intuition, and Critiquing Recovery Methods

This section discusses how addiction erodes self-trust and intuition, emphasizing the importance of reconnecting with inner guidance. The speaker critiques the 12-step emphasis on powerlessness, contrasting it with "Recovery Demystified's" focus on empowerment. The palatability and accessibility of different recovery methods are explored, acknowledging that various paths work for different individuals.

02:43:30

Kratom, Sobriety, and Diverse Recovery Approaches

The speaker shares a personal experience using kratom to manage anxiety during sobriety, noting how strict 12-step programs might invalidate such paths. The importance of love, tolerance, and diverse recovery approaches is emphasized, critiquing rigid adherence to a single method. Creating "Recovery Demystified" fostered personal accountability and a sense of purpose.

02:46:39

Ayahuasca, Healing, and Addressing Inhalant Abuse

Transformative ayahuasca experiences led to a fearless approach to creating "Recovery Demystified" as an alternative for those alienated by the word "God" in 12-step programs. Lessons from ayahuasca, including presence and gratitude, are reflected upon. The speaker shares EMT experiences highlighting the overlooked dangers and shame associated with inhalant abuse, advocating for open discussion and support.

02:50:17

Connecting with "Recovery Demystified" and Listener Feedback

Information is provided on how to find "Recovery Demystified" through their podcast, Instagram, Substack, and website, encouraging genuine human connection. The host addresses listener feedback, clarifies the differences between Sublocade and Vivitrol for opioid use disorder, and expresses gratitude for the Dopey community.

Keywords

Q&A

• What is the "Dopey Podcast" about?

  The "Dopey Podcast" is hosted by Dave and focuses on topics related to drugs, addiction, and "dumb shit." It features personal stories from the host and listeners, aiming to create a supportive community for those struggling with addiction and related issues.

• Who is Early Brunner and what is their background?

  Early Brunner is a guest on the podcast, described as a trans, crust punk, alcoholic, and the creator of "De-Mystify Recovery." They share their personal journey of addiction, recovery, and self-discovery, including experiences with various substances and subcultures.

• How did Early Brunner's childhood experiences shape their path to addiction?

  Early Brunner describes a childhood that appeared normal but was marked by parental neglect due to having many siblings. They felt like a "freak" due to undiagnosed autism and early rejection, which they believe contributed to their later desire to use substances for social connection and escape.

• What role did punk culture play in Early Brunner's life and addiction?

  Early Brunner found acceptance and belonging within the punk scene, which also exposed them to various drugs. The culture's perceived "coolness" associated with harder drug use, contrasted with the romanticization of addiction, influenced their progression into more severe substance abuse.

• What were some of Early Brunner's early experiences with substance use?

  Early Brunner's first experiences involved drinking beer mixed with Kool-Aid at age 10, followed by smoking weed in middle school, which led to a dissociative experience. In high school, they progressed to drinking and smoking weed regularly, eventually leading to blackouts and escalating substance use.

• How did Early Brunner's move to Austin impact their recovery journey?

  Moving to Austin, Texas, offered a change of environment and climate but did not immediately solve Early's addiction issues. They continued to struggle with alcohol, experienced alcohol-induced psychosis, and faced job instability, highlighting the persistent nature of addiction despite geographical changes.

• What is the ethos of punk culture regarding possessions and travel?

  The punk ethos often embraces the idea that "everything is free if you want it to be." This translates to practices like stealing items perceived as belonging to the community and hitchhiking or riding freight trains to see the world without being tied to conventional jobs.

• What is the difference between crust punks and oogles?

  Crust punk is an umbrella term for a subculture, while oogles specifically refers to the loud, obnoxious, and drunk individuals within that subculture, particularly those associated with train hopping.

• What was the speaker's experience with the 12-step recovery programs?

  The speaker found 12-step programs like AA to be alienating and detrimental, making them feel worse as they progressed. They believe these programs are not suitable for everyone and that alternative recovery methods are necessary.

• How did the death of the speaker's father impact their journey?

  The death of the speaker's father was a significant turning point, acting as a "light switch moment." It brought them out of their self-focused suffering, reconnected them to loved ones, and made them realize the preciousness and potential loss of life.

• What is "Recovery Demystified" and how does it differ from traditional programs?

  "Recovery Demystified" is a recovery approach that embraces harm reduction, accepts relapse as a normal part of the process, and is inclusive of various substances and lifestyles, unlike some 12-step programs that demand continuous abstinence.

• How does addiction impact self-trust and intuition?

  Addiction often leads to a loss of self-trust and intuition, as individuals may engage in self-deception and rely on external substances rather than their inner guidance. Rebuilding these faculties is a key aspect of recovery.

• What is the core difference between "Recovery Demystified" and traditional 12-step programs?

  "Recovery Demystified" emphasizes empowerment, self-confidence, and understanding personal thought patterns and emotions. Traditional 12-step programs often focus on admitting powerlessness and relying on a higher power.

• Can alternative methods like kratom be considered valid in recovery?

  While traditional programs may have strict definitions, many individuals find alternative methods like kratom helpful for managing anxiety and supporting sobriety. The validity of a recovery path often depends on its effectiveness for the individual.

• What are the dangers associated with inhalant abuse, such as huffing duster?

  Inhalant abuse can lead to severe health consequences, including blackouts, car crashes, and even death. There is often significant shame associated with this form of addiction, making it difficult for individuals to seek help.

• How do Sublocade and Vivitrol differ in treating opioid use disorder?

  Sublocade is a partial opioid agonist that reduces cravings and withdrawal, while Vivitrol is an opioid antagonist that blocks the effects of opioids, preventing euphoria. They also differ in their required preparation (oral stabilization vs. full detox).

Show Notes