Ep 42: Positive Parenting Solutions

Ep 42: Positive Parenting Solutions

Update: 2019-05-261


Click here for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode

Jane Nelsen is famous for her Positive Discipline books and seminars, which teach parents how to control their children without using  punishments, threats, or other negative tactics. Her positive parenting strategies are used by thousands of parents around the world.

But do these positive parenting strategies work on teenagers?

This week on the podcast, I spoke with Jane Nelsen about how you can apply these strategies with today's tech-focused teenagers.

She had some amazing tips.

The foundation of Jane Nelsen's approach is the idea that all kids want to feel two things within their family: belonging and significance. When teens don't feel like they are loved and needed within the family, they check out and rebel. The positive parenting strategies Jane teaches in her workshops all focus on building a sense of belonging and significance in kids.

Positive Parenting Solutions for Teens

When teens act out, they are misbehaving because they mistakenly believe that doing so will help them feel a greater sense of belonging and significance within the family. Jane Nelsen refers to this as "mistaken goals". When you can understand which of these mistaken goals is driving your teenager to act out, the positive parenting solutions will make more sense to you.

There are four different types of mistaken goals.
1. Undue Attention

These teens can make you feel annoyed, irritated, and guilty with their constant need for attention. They mistakenly believe that they are only significant to you when you are focusing your attention on them. They only feel like they belong when they are the center of attention.
2. Power

The second type of teen can make you feel angry, provoked, and threatened with their constant challenges and power struggles. They mistakenly believe they are only significant when they are the boss. They only feel like they belong when they are in charge and are getting their way.
3. Revenge

The next type of mistaken goal that teens can pursue is revenge. These teens feel like it's your fault that they don't belong and aren't significant within their family. They mistakenly believe they have to get back at you for excluding them. These teens purposely try to hurt you.
4. Assumed Inadequacy

The final type of mistaken goal happens when a teen feels like they don't belong and aren't significant within their family because they are bad or because they are a failure. These teens have stopped trying to feel significance and belonging and have given up. They just want to be left alone.

So, which type of mistaken goal does your teen most often display?

These four mistaken goals are described in a lot more detail in Jane Nelsen's newest book, Positive Discipline for Today's Busy (and Overworked) Parent. She breaks down the psychology behind each of these mistaken goals and the positive parenting strategies that you can use to stop your teen from behaving in this way.

Tips from Jane Nelsen

During our interview, Jane revealed some proven positive parenting strategies that work with every type of teenager. For instance, she told me how you can get teens to follow through with every commitment they set without making them angry. She also told me how to get teens doing more chores around the house by showing them how it will help them feel significant.

Don't miss these powerful positive parenting strategies from Jane Nelsen, one of the top parenting experts alive today.








Ep 42: Positive Parenting Solutions

Ep 42: Positive Parenting Solutions