Ep 86: Be More Confident By Believing in Yourself
Be More Confident By Believing in Yourself
1:22 Choosing to Believe in Myself
5:59 How to Believe in Yourself
17:51 Faith and Belief with Mignon Francois
51:57 Challenge: The Right Time to Play Small
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At our company, we get to go to church every single Wednesday.
That’s right, every Wednesday morning at Ramsey Solutions, our entire team of more than 850 people gets together to hear from amazing speakers, authors and pastors, like Max Lucado, Christine Caine, Donald Miller, Dr. Henry Cloud and Bob Goff—the best of the best.
For years, our leadership team has asked Ramsey Personalities, like me, Ken Coleman, Rachel Cruze, Chris Hogan and Anthony ONeal, to prepare one of these devotionals for our company. And to be totally honest, we don’t love the idea . . . like, at all. I’ll give you four reasons why:
- It's a lot harder to speak to close friends than it is to speak to complete strangers.
- When you see the kind of speakers we normally have, it’s easy to feel unqualified.
- We're supposed to teach Scripture, which is intimidating.
- Committing means writing a talk, practicing and preparing, which is a lot of extra work.
All of this together was enough to make me never want to do it.
But you know what they say: Never say never.
Choosing to Believe in Myself
A couple of years ago, I felt like God was taking me through a season of growth where He was teaching me many different things and stripping me of my pride.
One morning over Christmas break, I was sitting on my couch reading my Bible and journaling when, out of nowhere, I did the weirdest thing. I picked up my phone and texted my leader, “Hey, God's been taking me through a season of growth. So, if you ever want me to do a devotional, just let me know.”
I dropped the phone and couldn’t believe that I’d just sent that text. I thought to myself, Why did I do that? I don't want to do a devotional! I don't have any confidence in doing a devotional. My leader texted back almost immediately saying, “Love it. Let’s do January 2.”—which was one week away!
I spent the following week pouring over Scripture, praying, preparing and practicing. It was one of the most exciting and life-giving experiences I've ever been through.
And you know what? I wasn’t even nervous. In fact, I felt this deep sense of responsibility to deliver this message that God had so clearly given me.
I share this story with you to show you that I still experience imposter syndrome. There are still situations that put me outside of my comfort zone and make me feel unqualified. But if we let these feelings drive our decisions, we’ll never step into what God has called us to do.
That's why I want to spend some time today talking about believing in yourself and having confidence even when you're scared. Let’s get right to it.
How to Believe in Yourself
There are four things you need to “get” in order to believe in yourself and grow in confidence.
1. Get secure.
If we're honest, 99% of our fears, doubts, insecurities and anxieties come from worrying about what other people think about us.
But what if you didn't care? If you’re secure in who you are and whose you are, then when someone says something hateful on Facebook, or your crazy aunt makes a passive-aggressive comment about a decision you made, it doesn't fluster you. It doesn't rattle you. It doesn't shake you up because you have a confidence that comes from within.
Look to Scripture to learn what God has to say about you—not Instagram.
2. Get positive.
Positivity is not a personality trait—it's a skill you can learn. It's also something that will have incredible, tangible benefits in your life. So, in any situation, when the path isn’t marked, when the rules aren’t posted, or when you find yourself in a gray area, I want you to assume that you can do it, assume it will work out, assume people do like you, and assume you will succeed.
3. Get Help.
It's really easy to stop believing in yourself when you don't feel like you have any of the answers. But y’all, that's okay! We can't do everything, and we certainly don't know how to do everything. The good news is, there are endless amounts of resources available at your disposal.
There's someone out there who is a little further along who can give you advice, tips and tools. There's the internet, which has an overwhelming amount of information. There are books you can read and courses you can take. So if you want to get confidence, go out and get the help you need.
4. Get experience.
Nothing will create authentic confidence in any area of your life like actually doing the thing. For example, I’m confident in things like public speaking, coaching, and writing books because I've been doing those things for years! I have experience in those areas.
Now, if I were to try something completely new, I wouldn’t feel as confident. I’d need experience. But it’s important for us to embrace that we’re all beginners at something.
Education is theory, but experience is real life application. Nothing will prepare you for the real thing, like doing the real thing. So, go do the thing!
Friends, when you’re not feeling confident, or when you’re having trouble believing in yourself, I want you to get secure, get positive, get help, and get experience. And remember, confidence is not a special gene that only some people have and others don’t. It doesn't matter if you're an introvert or extrovert. It doesn't matter what a personality assessment says about you. Confidence is a skill that you can learn.
Faith and Belief with Mignon Francois
I'm so excited to introduce you to my good friend, and today’s guest, Mignon Francois! Mignon started selling cupcakes to make ends meet even though she had zero confidence in her ability to bake out of a box.
She did it scared, and today she runs The Cupcake Collection, a multimillion-dollar bakery with two locations!
On this episode, Mignon and I talk about:
- How to believe in yourself even when you’re in a tough situation
- Why you need to stop waiting for the right moment and just go for it
- How to believe God for bigger and better things in your life
- Why it’s so important to be grateful for where you are and what you have
Challenge: The Right Time to Play Small
“Don't shrink back.”
“Don't play small.”
“Don't diminish yourself to make others comfortable."
I’ve been seeing this message all over my Instagram and Facebook lately—so much so that I want to take a moment to talk about it.
I think, when we boil it down, this message is all about confidence, which we talk about all the time around here. However, there's another side to this message that I want to make sure we don't miss.
Just because God made you a certain way doesn’t give you permission to stay that way forever. And here's what I mean by that: We all have strengths that we should leverage and use. We also all have weaknesses, blind spots, and things we need to work on, which is what I think we miss sometimes in this “go get ’em” mentality.
We forget that we also need to grow.
I don't want you to just go big, I want you to grow as you're going.
I want you to identify your blind spots and fix them. I want you to identify your weaknesses and improve them.
Let me give you a personal example: I’m hotheaded. I'm a firecracker who is feisty, stubborn, loud, intense and sometimes aggressive. These can be great qualities when leveraged and channeled in the right way. However, they can also be weaknesses. I can bulldoze people, dominate conversations, intimidate people with different personality styles, and even hurt their feelings (but have no idea I did so).
But being that way doesn't mean that I get to barge into a room and say, “Christy Wright is here, take it or leave it. God made me this way, so deal with it.”
Absolutely not. You know what I need to do? I need to work on those weaknesses. In some instances, I do need to play smaller. I do need to be quiet and let others lead the conversation. I do need to learn how I'm perceived by others so that I can make appropriate adjustments.
Just because God made me strong and intense doesn't mean I get to use that as a permission slip to bulldoze other people.
Maybe you're the opposite. Maybe God made you soft-spoken, quiet, and gave you a sweet and gentle spirit. But you know what? God still wants you to grow. He wants you to speak up, stop being a doormat, and learn how to fight for yourself.
Regardless of your personality style, we all need to grow in our identity in Christ.
So, even though I want you to have big dreams, chase big things, speak up for yourself, and not play small, I also want you to work on your weaknesses. I want you to have people around you who are brave enough to tell you when you're out of line, when you’ve hurt someone's feelings, when you're being passive aggressive, when you’ve made a mistake, and to call you out on an area you need to grow in.
And I want you to have the maturity to receive those words and to make the necessary changes.
It's hard, it hurts, and it can be embarrassing. But I promise you, you’ll make more impact, have stronger relationships, and have more confidence in who you are when you know the right time to go big and the right time to play small.