Episode 112--Childless not by Choice Caregivers
Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life.
Welcome to episode 112!
Well, I am recording this episode from Podcast Movement 2019, Orlando, FL. I have been having a great time, learning quite a bit, as usual; and looking forward to implementing a lot of what I have learned. A great big thank you to Talk Shoe for providing the opportunity to record live, (mention the microphone being used). TalkShoe is a community-building podcast platform that offers storage, streaming, global call-in capabilities, and state-of-the-art tools you need to get noticed online. Thank you Talkshoe and Retro Voice EV microphones!
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Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me a voicemail. You have 90 seconds!
Well, here is the episode I’ve been working on, replete with info from the poll I took within our platform. I really felt like I had read or heard somewhere that most childless not by choice adult children end up becoming caregivers for their parents, but when I went searching for the information I could not find it. I engaged the members of the childless not by choice Facebook group, my local research librarian, and even another Facebook group that I belong to. Everyone seemed to have heard it said, but we just could not find it. A great big thank you to everyone in the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan and Childless not by Choice Supporters with Civilla Morgan Facebook group for responding to the poll. You helped me immensely. A great big thank you also to the group of childless women who maintain help other childless women!
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So, here are the poll results from within the Facebook groups: There were two initial questions, and then a third one was added by one of the group members. And I appreciate that because of course, it helped to better quantify the original questions:
- Have you cared for an elderly parent or family member in the past? yes=39%
- Are you currently caring for an elderly parent or family member?=25%
- Never cared for an elderly parent or family member.=36%
Here are the responses based on a total number of respondents:
Question 1= Have you cared for an elderly parent/family member in the past?=17 (39%)
Question 2= Currently caring for an elderly parent or family member?=12 (27%)
Question 3= No= 16 (36%)=
Remember in episode 111 I said I would not be surprised by the response? I still wish I could find whatever it was I had read on this subject though. If you have read or heard that most or many childless not by choice women and men are caregivers for their parents or another family member, please let me know along with the citation. It would be greatly appreciated. Knowing my brain, I will be subconsciously searching until I find it!
So, I came to Podcast Movement 2019 thinking I would be back for a second year of meeting new people, possibly getting some new people to interview or being interviewed. But a funny thing happens when you make plans: those plans get turned on their ear! What happened, and is happening, is I am now feeling a pivot. I have no idea what that pivot will be, but I feel just as we would feel the wind blowing, that it is time for change. Last year I mentioned going to the next level. And I talked about ‘the next level’ again this year, until the first day of this year’s event. Something has changed and I honestly do not know what it is yet. I am being encouraged by a new friend I met at the convention, to remain open and it will come to me. So I am doing just that.
I have had conversations at this event that I have not had in the past. I started the process a month or so ago, for something that will strengthen the reputation of the platform. When the process is complete I will let you know!
So, in the last couple of episodes and in this one, the discussion has been on grieving. I have been transparent about my loss, (episode 110), talked about how the brain handles grief, (episode 111), and I was hoping to close out the three episodes with an interview. But it did not work out that way. This episode will be the third for this series on loss and grief. If I am able to finally obtain an interview I will let you know where that interview can be found.
As we continue on with our subject matter here on the podcast, I will continue to take suggestions in the background, from those who have gone down this path before me: to lean into the grief, to feel all five of those stages of grief, and to allow myself to cry in front of others if that is when the tears come. And to take grief counseling. I am doing all of the above.
Well in the first link below under ‘Links used for this article,' There is an eye-opening article on the NCBI--National Center for Biotechnology Information website. The title of the article is ‘Bereavement after Caregiving’. In this article, they discuss ‘Caregivers at risk for poor bereavement outcomes’ and ‘Diagnosis and treatment of complicated grief’, amongst other issues. One thing that stood out to me in the article was that complicated grief could include a form of PTSD--post-traumatic stress disorder. This article is worth the read if you are dealing with loss that may include as they call it, ‘complicated grief’.
They not only provide the symptoms of complicated grief, but they discuss how to deal with it, and who is most susceptible. There was a surprise in that portion of the article. I will let you read it and see if you see it. I will say this to give you a hint: I believe how people deal with grief and grieving can be cultural. I did not say one culture deals correctly or incorrectly with grief, I am simply saying the differences can be cultural.
And yet within each culture grief can be exhibited differently by personality and upbringing. In fact, I had a wonderful conversation with a lady here at PM19 who lost her mom a year ago. She was telling me that in her culture people talk about their loss openly. But we both came to the conclusion that Western culture seems to look the other way out of fear of hurting the person who is grieving.
Lest I go down a rabbit hole, I will leave this here and continue on. It’s a short but very deep read. I hope you check out the article.
Be sure to also check out the links under Links used for this episode, and the episodes mentioned in this episode.’ The show notes are there just for you!
Articles you might find interesting:
Links used for this episode:
(leisure-time exercise for caregivers v. non-caregivers)
Episodes mentioned in this episode and suggested episodes:
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Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice!
Until next time! Bye!
‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’
‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.