Episode 118--That virus sets new boundaries
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in. Welcome to episode 118!
What is today’s show? How CoronaVirus sets new boundaries.
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CoronaVirus sets new boundaries!
If you have been a part of our CNBC family for any time, you know how much I discuss and completely believe in the importance of boundaries because I believe proper boundaries promote positive mental health. When we allow others-family, friends, co-workers, etc, to cross boundaries by guilting us into running errands because we do not have children. When we allow them to speak to us in a negative way. And when we allow people to continually push us into acquiescing to a decision we did not originally want to make because they think our voice is unimportant, we are allowing them to cross boundaries and normalize disrespect.
Make sure that you have set kind but firm boundaries in every aspect of your life. Setting boundaries takes time and patience--with yourself and with others. Be nice, keep trying, and know it will be worth it!
Speaking of boundaries, how does Covid 19 affect those of us who are childless not by choice?
- Family interactions--stay in place, stay at home, but suppose you have elderly family members who need help, it can seem overwhelming, confusing, and crazy.
- Family looks different to the childless not by choice person--as childless not by choice people, sometimes we have fewer people to interact with anyway.
- We may not have children of our own, but for many of us, there are children or young people in our lives that we care about immensely. We care about how they are doing, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. We want them to be OK. Isn’t that beautiful? We still get to share ourselves, just not in the way we expected we would. Now that many of us are ‘staying in place’, that gives us more time to get in contact, at a safe distance, with those same young people or elderly people in our lives. Do it! We will probably never have this amount of time again.
- When we are young we feel like we will live forever, but we need to follow the CDC guidelines. Many people outside of the at-risk demographic are now getting sick and even dying. Follow the guidelines. Stay home as much as you can, only going out if you absolutely need to. I know it’s not easy, but that six feet of social distancing can save your life. There is a ton of information out there and I know we are on information overload right now, but I am putting a link to a great article from All Recipes in the show notes. You may ask what does a recipe have to do with fighting the CoronaVirus, but trust me, I really like the way the article was written, and how informative it was. And I LOVE All Recipes. And no, they are not paying me to mention them here. But not only do I like the fact that they post real-life, doable recipes, but they also respond when you post a comment on Facebook! They really do exist! LOL.
- Consider those in our families who are at risk or the person who has pre-existing conditions. As I mentioned earlier, consider the safety of those around you who are elderly, and/or at risk. And remember, we may not always know who is at risk. There are many young and younger people out there who have unseen conditions. Let’s just consider each other as we go about our day, even if we are staying in place. And I would be remiss if I did not mention that on top of dealing with the overwhelming situation we find ourselves in as a world, some of us are also caregivers. We are supposed to be six feet apart at all times, social distancing; but we are also caring for an elderly parent or other family members. How are we supposed to do that? It’s not easy. But the best we can do is the best we can do! By the way, where we can, we should help our elderly or at-risk neighbors who may not have family members to help them. If we can’t help directly, we can help by donating time to an elder care center or even donating food to a food bank. There are a lot of people who have lost jobs and income, a lot of elderly who have lost support because their support has been furloughed or laid off. What is happening in our world right now is truly a major domino effect.
- Get the mental health help you need. This is so important I wanted to discuss it last, just before we end our time together. We were already battling the emotions that come with the loss of the ability to have a child, to have the family we envisioned. We were dealing with decisions we would have to make about every day, now probably innocuous events. We were dealing with life the way we were learning to deal with it as childless women and men, and then on top of that, a pandemic hits everyone. And we all know that everyone deals with these types of events in different ways. In addition to handling stress in different ways, people’s true colors begin to come out, the scam artists come out in full force to take advantage of people. There are layers and layers of things happening that cause such stress. Some people have just suffered major losses and now have to deal with this temporary new normal. If you are feeling overwhelmed please, please seek help. Speak to a trusted friend or a professional; someone who can speak with you objectively. Many major corporations offer therapy assistance through their EAP’s--employee assistance programs. Please do not be afraid to ask for help. I had to get help twice in my life: once after my hysterectomy. And then more recently when my mom passed. In fact, I am writing the content for this episode the day after her official birthday, and on the day we celebrated it. My mom always said that her mother said she was born on the 29th of March, but the hospital put the 30th on her birth certificate. They never changed it, so we celebrated on the 30th. It has been 10 months since she passed and I miss her so much sometimes I can hardly take it. She was in pain for many years, and now she is not. Now I must continue on with life, with my new normal. And then a global pandemic. It can be more than overwhelming. Seek assistance. Don’t be afraid. Please check out the links I’ve put in the show notes.
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Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!
‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’
‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.