Episode 72: Lindsay P
My name is Lindsay and I identify as both a recovering addict and a person in long-term recovery. (I believe my professional hat gives me a more open approach to some of my language today; however, my personal 12-step alter-ego loves to shine thru, too). I was born in beautiful Asheville, NC and have been on the move ever since! Moving around a lot as a kid, an only child at that, probably played a part into the insecurity and displacement I felt growing up. My solution became fantasy and attention seeking. I enjoyed making people laugh to feel validated and my need for attention was also met in times of "performing" and "pretending". I later kicked it up with drugs and alcohol. I sought the fun, feel good, easy going life. I wanted to be the life of the party and tell jokes at the sight of any real emotion to cover up the trauma of feeling lonely and different. I was growing up with an alcoholic dad and mental mom. Eventually, the party stopped and at a young age I found myself struggling to finish school parents that didn't know how to handle me. Another geographical move and somehow I managed to finish school and was pregnant with my first kid. Fast forward years later, I thought "happily ever after" would save me. Married, kids, house... happy right? Again, covering up my insides- I went back harder to the drugs and alcohol. This time, they would win. I gave up the marriage. I gave away the kids. Finding myself homeless, hopeless, and convinced I would use until I died, I had completely given up on myself. It was that alcoholic dad, a power I would later find, and a small spark of willingness to do something different that saved my life September 21, 2012. A 12-step fellowship, a final bid in county jail, a treatment center and sober living are a part of my story. I've not found it necessary to use since that day and am grateful for it beyond words.