Fela Cooties

Fela Cooties

Update: 2020-07-06


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  • Adding even more Internet to your fake Internet.

  • Hearing someone pronounce their own name wrong in a YouTube video and shaking your fist at the screen.

  • Changing your name because you're just looking to make your way.

  • The multitude of four-letter B and K names in the demo scene.

  • Promoting your album because hopefully you'll finish it before this episode is out.

  • Dreaming your friend a horrible job history.

  • A pair of tongs with a sticker on them saying "Super Atheist."

  • The guy in the pharmacy whose only job is to not give people their prescription.

  • Getting your doctorate for free because you're dating a doctor.

  • Forgetting all about Peter Schmidt.

  • Buying chord pack after chord pack and eventually giving up and buying the ultra-rare G11/F# card from a collector.

  • An app that scans your Spotify play list and generates a list of constraints to write songs under.

  • A team of researchers writing the perfect song by surveying listeners about what elements of music that they like the most.

  • A team of researchers writing the worst possible song by surveying listeners about what elements of music that they hate the most.

  • A rap opera about life on the farm with a children's choir singing holiday and corporate jingles.

  • Breaking your jaw harp because your jaw is just too strong.

  • People hating different kinds of music in 2020 from what they hated in the 1990s.

  • The identity of the accordion player on the floppy disks Jim dropped as he was arrested by time travelers.

  • Round Robin Key Clicks From A Skype Call.

  • Waiting for CD-ROMs in the 90s being faster than modern web pages.

  • Clicking on Miles Davis' face and reading about Hard Bop.

  • A topic you are interested enough in to buy a CD-ROM about it.

  • Jobs paying well until investors realize they're money-losers.

  • One person's perspective on how all electronic music breaks down.

  • Information that is thorough and well-presented memetically dominating over information that is arguably more accurate but less accessible.

  • Finding a guide to obscure music genres and worrying that they might be magic spells.

  • Eating a bunch of weird bananas and deciding that all bananas basically taste the same.

  • Militant banana forums rallying the troops to take down Jim's boring banana opinions.

  • Recognizing differences between apple cultivars.

  • Growing up eating the Red Delicious because it's red and delicious.

  • Which apple cultivar Snow White ate.

  • The apple core as a social construct.

  • Why the Japanese don't like cheese when your toddler proves that it's super easy to develop a taste for cheese.

  • Seagulls eating rats now that humans are out of the way.

  • Whether or not the Ballz Directors Cut for 3DO OST is homophobic.

  • Analyzing the music theory behind the Ballz Directors Cut for 3DO OST.

  • Getting a band together and playing a song you all remember poorly and that's it, that's the album.

  • Having heard 20 seconds of a comedy song and not needing to listen to the remaining five minutes.

  • Trying to make fun of a clown.

  • Writing questions that generate techno samples in response.

  • All protocol and format technology decisions being made by 14 year olds.

  • Whether or not Chanson is a portmanteau of Chiptune Hanson.

  • The difference between Afrobeat and Afrobeats.

  • Not adding Shoegaze to Winamp until 2010.

  • A pre-Wikipedia attempt to invent the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.

  • Making your web that is a sequel to your previous web site, so you give it the same name but add a 2.

  • Wikipedia except that instead of an editorial voice it has a poem about a pomegranate.

  • The most popular chord progressions staying about the same for the past 20 years.

  • Sliding an open chord up the neck and leaving the open strings where they are.

  • There probably being a music theory name for the musical trick you like to do.

  • Counting in binary while meditating because if you just count in decimal you'll lose track when you think of something else.

  • A classic web app where you submit a form and the server generates the HTML you will see in response.

  • Accidentally lording it over someone.

  • Having a fake thing you fool yourself into believing is important so you can procrastinate doing it and get the real work done.

  • How to abbreviate Murder Hornet Keeper into a demo scene handle.

  • Learning German from Wolfenstein 3D.

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Fela Cooties

Fela Cooties

Jim Stormdancer