George Wallace–I've Been Funny Forever
Update: 2024-12-25
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George Wallace is a legendary stand up comic. So much fun talking to him.
Host & Writer: Touré
Executive Producers: Ryan Woodhall and Ashley J. Hobbs
Associate Producer: Adell Coleman
Booker: Rae Holliday
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Transcript
00:00:00
[MUSIC]
00:00:15
What I tell you, I'm going to make sure this is what you want to do because you can't.
00:00:18
You can't want to be a comedian, you've got to be a comedian.
00:00:22
I'm going to do this, you know, you can, I've got friends want to be a comedian.
00:00:25
And they work, they go on stage and wants a week, wants a month, they're not going to work.
00:00:30
They're not going to work, you've got to love this.
00:00:32
I'm sorry, when you're into this comedy thing as a real comedian, you could be married.
00:00:37
But comedy is better be number one.
00:00:42
Why family?
00:00:44
Sometimes comes in number two or maybe they should equal, but most comedians, good comedians.
00:00:50
Number one thing to do is hit that stage.
00:00:53
You can walk into a club with your wife, girlfriend, whatever.
00:00:57
Walk into a club, if you see another comedian, you know what we say?
00:01:01
I'll be right back, be right back.
00:01:04
We got to get to the other comment, it's a small, small club, we love each other.
00:01:08
We got to have that in, yeah, in, yeah.
00:01:10
Something we cannot explain, but it's something deep down inside you love it.
00:01:16
Nothing can replace doing comedy.
00:01:19
So we tell the young people, make sure you've got to love this, be yourself, be honest to yourself.
00:01:23
Know who you are.
00:01:24
Don't worry about being on top of the mountain, just be on your way up to mountain.
00:01:33
George Wallace is a comedy legend who's been around so long.
00:01:37
It seems like he was doing comedy at the last supper.
00:01:43
The man is amazing.
00:01:44
He's hysterical.
00:01:46
And I'm just honored to have had a moment to sit and talk with him because he's been making us laugh for so long.
00:01:54
It's my man, George Wallace, on Tore Show.
00:02:07
Being a stand up comic and just like making it work for decades, like you have is a dream for a lot of people.
00:02:14
What do you love about being a stand up?
00:02:17
Let me tell you something, man.
00:02:23
I do stand up.
00:02:24
I'm doing what a lot of people don't get to do.
00:02:27
I am honoring my essence.
00:02:29
I love what I do.
00:02:31
I love to go to work.
00:02:33
I wish everybody enjoyed their life, like I'm enjoying my life.
00:02:37
By that tomorrow, the world owes me nothing.
00:02:40
Let me tell you, I don't know.
00:02:42
I hope you enjoy your life as a journalist, is that what you call yourself a journalist?
00:02:46
Yeah.
00:02:47
Why do you stir you all of those?
00:02:49
But nobody gets to do what I do every night for 44 years, every night.
00:02:56
I'm so blessed.
00:02:57
I'm choking up.
00:02:58
And I thank God every day.
00:02:59
I have a job where I go to work.
00:03:01
All I do, I sit on stage and walk on stage.
00:03:03
And I just lie.
00:03:04
I just lie.
00:03:05
I just make up shit.
00:03:07
I just lie.
00:03:09
I love lying.
00:03:13
And this is all because, and they pay me, and they say, you coming back tomorrow night?
00:03:17
Oh, hell yeah.
00:03:18
I love lying.
00:03:19
Now, how many people get to lie?
00:03:21
And this is one of my better jokes I like to do this joke.
00:03:23
I ask God, let me be the greatest bullshitter in the world.
00:03:27
Right.
00:03:28
Right?
00:03:29
I don't know.
00:03:30
Trump is kicking my ass in the bullshit department.
00:03:31
Correct.
00:03:32
Correct.
00:03:33
You know, all bullshitters know each other, right?
00:03:36
So you live in New York.
00:03:37
You live in New York, right?
00:03:38
Yeah.
00:03:39
Because we already knew.
00:03:40
Yeah.
00:03:41
We didn't know why the other people don't you understand what's going to this guy is a con man, homopobic, you know, phobic, all of this is a sojournist, all of these things.
00:03:49
He's not right.
00:03:50
And we know.
00:03:51
And I'm a bullshitter.
00:03:52
All bullshitters know each other.
00:03:53
Now, let me make this paper clear.
00:03:56
We don't know each other.
00:03:58
Right.
00:03:59
But we know each other.
00:04:00
Right.
00:04:01
Right.
00:04:02
Right.
00:04:03
Right.
00:04:04
Right.
00:04:05
So what I do, I want it to be a comedian since six years old, how many people get to live their dream and have a passion to wait a minute.
00:04:11
When you were six, what did you see that made you say that?
00:04:16
I saw a man named, I didn't see him at the time.
00:04:21
Yes, I did.
00:04:22
The reason I'm in the business is a community named Rich skeleton.
00:04:24
You're not old enough to remember him.
00:04:26
I remember the name.
00:04:27
He did a lot of the characters and he was a cook.
00:04:31
He was just wonderful on TV.
00:04:35
I tell you, I'm getting respect, but it's a lot of dangerous.
00:04:40
Red buttons, red fox, mums, mabley, Jets, Pete, me, Markham.
00:04:46
I could go down the line, even Richie, prior, and all of these, especially the black entertainers, Wildman Steve, Amoson, Andy, I got them all on the floor here, all pictures of my favorite comedians,
00:04:58
Eddie Murphy, just mums, maybe who else is there?
00:05:03
You could just go down the line.
00:05:03
I just love comedy.
00:05:05
What I would do when I was in high school, I would listen to jokes on the tonight's show and I would tip them back to school tomorrow and I would do those jokes and people would laugh.
00:05:15
So when I walk into the room, it caused happiness.
00:05:18
That's my job today is to give back.
00:05:20
When you walk into a room, if you don't cause someone to smile, then there's something wrong with you.
00:05:27
If you don't want to walk into the room, here's something I'd go, speaking out of dailgal.
00:05:34
Let me tell you something, I could go on and on, how blessed I am to do what I do and I get paid for it.
00:05:41
Forty-four and a half years of doing, I say nothing, I'd be the first to tell you, I do nothing, but it's probably the hardest job in the world to do.
00:05:51
I have to work 24 hours a day.
00:05:53
I'm listening to the news and we call that the comedy news, that work.
00:05:59
I'm listening to CNBC, I'm listening to the 11th hour, I'm looking to Rachel, I'm listening to Sibou from the time John and Morton, I'm listening to everything.
00:06:09
Everything is a joke.
00:06:10
If I go to a funeral, you got to get a joke out of it.
00:06:12
So break it down for me, how do you write a joke?
00:06:16
I have no idea.
00:06:17
I just start talking, and you can't say anything stupid to me, I'll just pick it up.
00:06:28
You know, here's a simple joke, I don't know where I called Delta Airlines and I said, I need a flight to New York City around noon and the agent says, is that 12 noon?
00:06:40
I said, no, there's two noon, you're stupid, you're stupid.
00:06:44
So I take these moments and I just put them on stage and you know, it's like lying and things just come out of my head, like everybody's lying,
00:06:54
life is based on a lot.
00:06:56
Everything you do, our parish lied to us and you go to church, they lie, we all lie, everything is whatever in life you see, there's a lie involved somewhere.
00:07:06
Just go in the church.
00:07:07
I don't know whether you grew up in the church, but I'm from Georgia, if I never go to church again in my life and I put my time in, okay, we had to go to school, we used to go to church on Sunday, we didn't get out to Tuesday,
00:07:18
that's too much damn church, okay, and I'm still going to church.
00:07:21
But I used to notice things like jokes were popped up in my head in church, a little bit in the preacher would say, the doors of the church are open,
00:07:31
locked down the ass, would turn around to see those doors now and over, you know, I don't know if that's a book, I want to leave.
00:07:40
Yeah, let me get out of here, but I'm going to take a little things like that and I turn into joke, like the preacher would say, the preacher would minister and say, every Sunday,
00:07:50
even today, the minister says, whatever about to close your eyes and prayer.
00:07:55
You might call me in those eyes, but you might call me in those eyes.
00:08:01
Wait a minute, wait a minute, there's, it seems to me there's two kinds of comedians.
00:08:07
There's people who have well-constructed material like your friend Jerry Seinfeld, every word and syllable is plotted out exactly where it's supposed to be,
00:08:18
Chris Rock is like that.
00:08:20
And then there's people like who could just read the phone book and they have a funny voice and they have funny intonation, they just make you laugh like a Bernie Mac, you know, kind of like Eddie Murphy can kind of be like that.
00:08:32
What do you, where do you think you are?
00:08:34
I think I'm in the middle of everything because I'll sit on it and write a joke and the next thing, you know, I'll just go up and another thought will pop up like I say just there.
00:08:42
Even ending with that joke, I had to, you know, every day and I'm still adding jokes.
00:08:46
I got jokes 40 years old that I'm bringing back that are going to be new because you never heard this joke.
00:08:51
I was talking about your preaching, this church is everybody close your eyes and you never close your eyes.
00:08:55
And my mama would say to me, close your eyes, boy.
00:08:56
I don't know how you know you close your own there, man.
00:09:00
So running jokes for me is just repeating things observational and then sometimes I'll just sit down and I see stupid things and listen to this welcome to the grocery store.
00:09:21
I said item that says he evaporated milk and I'm thinking, well, what the hell is in the can?
00:09:27
Like that goes through my head, I'm crazy, I'm wacky, I don't play by the rules.
00:09:33
I have my book, I wrote a book, I don't play by the rules, I do stupid stuff.
00:09:38
So the joke machine is going all the time, it better be, it better be.
00:09:42
That's why you get to do jokes for 40 years.
00:09:44
If the machine is not continually old and running, you will run out of jokes.
00:09:49
Can you, can you, can you put it like what percentage of them are good and good enough for the stage, what percentage of them are, okay, throw that one out.
00:09:59
Oh, man, you got the wrong person because I have listened to me.
00:10:04
I live with this.
00:10:05
I live with the yellow legal pad every day I'm writing, okay?
00:10:10
I love this and I'm the one that, I don't know, when I invented it, but 1993, I'm the one would go out on or send you with the pad and say, I got some new jokes here,
00:10:21
they might be funny.
00:10:22
They might not be funny.
00:10:23
I don't know.
00:10:24
I don't give a damn.
00:10:25
I'm doing these new jokes.
00:10:28
I got some new jokes I'm doing and I get this on my sendio.
00:10:31
I got Lennyman next week.
00:10:32
I got to make sure this shit works.
00:10:37
And you know what, when you're just honest and being yourself, people laugh at it.
00:10:41
And I would do joke number one, joke number one, whatever the subject matter is, work real good, social distancing, work real good.
00:10:49
Work number two, work real good, I like it, that's work, work number three, needs work.
00:10:55
If it wasn't funny, needs work, that turns me on.
00:10:59
It's kind of like, you know, I remember Johnny Carson used to do a joke and then joke didn't work.
00:11:04
Okay.
00:11:05
You know, with that attitude, I love it when it didn't work.
00:11:07
Then I go to joke number four and I go, okay, jokes funny, or do it sucks.
00:11:13
They go berserk, but I turn on it and then I will try to do my acting and they said, no, go back to the other part, let's do some new jokes.
00:11:19
So I love doing it every day, I don't want to say joke machine, but it's it is work.
00:11:24
It's a one thing about a Johnny and some comedians, but I definitely remember with Johnny, if a joke didn't work, now he could get really funny, because he might comment on that,
00:11:36
comment on you, comment on himself.
00:11:39
And then that joke ball moment, he would get really way funnier than the scripted material.
00:11:43
And that's what I do sometimes, I'll do a joke, that joke where I might, the orders might go boo.
00:11:51
You'll be telling that joke tomorrow, like, I'll talk about my buddy Steady One a lot, because we go to the same church and I talk about him and he going through his concerts and things like that.
00:12:03
And what a great person he is and having his kids at the show one night and have his two little boys were there, one of the boys was 14 and one of the boys was 12 and one of them was white and one was Japanese and you know,
00:12:17
I wanted to tell him, and then the people go, you crazy, it cuts across your life, you're talking about his kids and he's doing it, he isn't she lovely, isn't she mad or less,
00:12:29
I'm going like, was he asking us or was he too?
00:12:34
So I can do it, and sometime you get a, let me tell you what I do, my personality allows me to do things that other people can't get away with because, you know, with the political being politically correct now,
00:12:45
I talk about everybody and say, I don't give a shit, I'll talk about it.
00:12:49
I was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin last night, no matter where you from, I was there last night, that's my new, then people coming in from Cleveland, I was there last night, where you people found Singapore?
00:12:58
I was in Singapore and people going, did you just say he was in such a, such a last night?
00:13:02
So that was a lot of fun, but I tell the joke, I was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, I talk about about a blind lady walking late.
00:13:09
Well, I chewed her ass out.
00:13:11
I didn't get to say to the blind lady, I said, "How the hell you walk up in here late?
00:13:15
You got somebody leading, God, joy, us around.
00:13:18
You walk in here late."
00:13:19
I said, "Look at all these other people in this room."
00:13:21
Tell her, "I got to stop, then people got to lie to go to look at all these other people in the show."
00:13:26
To the blind lady.
00:13:28
And I said, "And you ain't that dumb blind me because you just didn't have a clue on that me, you punched straight at me."
00:13:34
So I have a personality where I can get away with things you're not supposed to do.
00:13:37
I first thought, "Are you fearless on stage?"
00:13:42
No, because now you've gotten to my drugs, you've gotten to my sex.
00:13:46
Now, this is my domain, this is what I love.
00:13:51
I never did any drugs.
00:13:52
I haven't had that much sex either.
00:13:56
But when I get on the stage, don't you laugh at me.
00:13:59
Don't you laugh at me.
00:14:00
But I get all I need on that stage, man, and I tell you what, there's no...
00:14:04
You can't get a high, like you can on stage.
00:14:09
I'm out there working, sometimes I've worked for a room, a room in Las Vegas, 750 seats.
00:14:15
Sometimes I get to work for 30,000.
00:14:16
I've worked for 70,000.
00:14:18
These people don't know me.
00:14:19
And you walk up stage and you go like, "Oh, man, what a high.
00:14:23
I can't even explain it to you.
00:14:26
It's most rewarding job you could ever have.
00:14:29
And you can show it by yourself.
00:14:31
It's not with a band.
00:14:33
It's not with anybody.
00:14:34
It's really, really, really happening.
00:14:38
Even to talk about doing comedy, don't a job that you love.
00:14:41
I'm high right now, man.
00:14:44
Hi, just sorry about it.
00:14:47
Some comics I know talk about, they have a certain ego of like...
00:14:52
I'm fearless.
00:14:54
I'll say anything.
00:14:55
I don't care if they don't laugh.
00:14:56
They don't laugh.
00:14:57
But I'm going to say whatever I want to say.
00:14:59
Some people are a little more like, "I hope I'm funny."
00:15:02
I feel like you're fearless.
00:15:05
You'll say whatever you want.
00:15:06
I'll say whatever I want.
00:15:07
You don't want like Dave Chappelle on "Send Night Live" three weeks ago.
00:15:14
Now, some people thought he was okay.
00:15:17
Some people thought he was funny.
00:15:18
Some people had different judgments.
00:15:19
I thought he was great because he is Dave Chappelle.
00:15:22
He does have a name.
00:15:23
He has a point of view.
00:15:25
And I thought it was great that he could make a statement on what his thoughts were.
00:15:29
And we know he's funny, but to come up sometime and make a statement, I think that's great.
00:15:34
Fearless.
00:15:35
Just tell it like it is.
00:15:36
Tell it like that.
00:15:37
I feel like Chappelle is sort of taking the form in a new level.
00:15:41
I mean, he's like one of the all-time greats.
00:15:44
Do you think he's one of the all-time greats?
00:15:46
Well, at this level, yes.
00:15:49
Because he got away with some things you're not supposed to do on TV.
00:15:53
Is he great?
00:15:54
Yeah.
00:15:55
You don't care?
00:15:56
I mean, time to end word was used.
00:15:58
Right.
00:15:58
You know what?
00:15:59
He's Dave Chappelle.
00:16:00
Right.
00:16:01
I said, don't get angry when people come up and ask you about the niggle lesson.
00:16:04
You go, "Who you hear that?"
00:16:05
You know?
00:16:06
Right.
00:16:06
You just invited them to do that.
00:16:08
Right.
00:16:09
So.
00:16:09
But that's okay.
00:16:10
That's okay.
00:16:10
Some of the things that he does, he'll tell very long stories.
00:16:16
Yes.
00:16:17
Interweaving with other stories.
00:16:19
I can't repeat this because it's a 20-minute story with important digressions and all those sort of things.
00:16:24
And it's amazing.
00:16:25
Well, in some communities can do that.
00:16:28
Me, I'm out over the place.
00:16:30
I'll do a joke, happy joke now, the other half, 15 minutes later, and I'll close out with the other half.
00:16:37
And I tend to call those recalls.
00:16:39
Right.
00:16:40
But I love every type comedy there is.
00:16:46
I like props.
00:16:48
I like what intellectual comedy for some people might not think it's funny.
00:16:56
You know, like we used to have a guy name at Franklin Chi.
00:17:00
A lot of people didn't think he was funny because he was so smart and intellectual.
00:17:03
I loved him.
00:17:04
I like everything everybody.
00:17:05
You know what I really like?
00:17:06
I like comedians, I think it's so-called female comedians.
00:17:12
I think they have the toughest job in the world.
00:17:13
You think I've got it tough, but later to walk out on stage and be really funny.
00:17:18
Because some ladies don't even appreciate the other ladies.
00:17:21
That's a tough job, man.
00:17:23
So I watch this like Kathleen Madigan.
00:17:25
You know, I love these ladies.
00:17:27
And I got in the springs.
00:17:28
I just love these young ladies working.
00:17:31
I never forget being about 10 years old and sitting in my dad's car.
00:17:39
And he was listening to live on a sunset strip.
00:17:42
He's a prior, his favorite guy.
00:17:45
And he loved it so much that he was listening to it in front of me.
00:17:49
Even though he knew he was like, you're supposed to hear this.
00:17:52
But I got to play this and he was dying laughing and I was 10 years old.
00:17:56
I wasn't really getting it, but I knew he loved it.
00:17:59
And I just I never forget.
00:18:00
That's one of the moments that I always remember with him.
00:18:03
Tell you knew Richard Pryor.
00:18:05
You worked alongside him.
00:18:06
Tell us about what made Richard Pryor so great.
00:18:09
Okay.
00:18:10
Let me do the first thing.
00:18:11
Let me tell you this.
00:18:12
You being 10 years old as a kid.
00:18:14
That's how I started when I was a young.
00:18:16
We had moms, maybe, and a red box and skillingly right back in the day.
00:18:20
They called party records for the parties.
00:18:23
It was for adult human.
00:18:25
So, but when the parents were leaving, go to church.
00:18:28
That's when we played these albums and we learned to win.
00:18:32
I'm supposed to hear them.
00:18:33
But that's what's funny.
00:18:35
We were kids and that's adult human.
00:18:36
But that's how we started to.
00:18:38
Now, Richard Pryor, the days, live on sunset.
00:18:41
I love Richard Pryor in the 70s and the 80s.
00:18:45
The sky was killing.
00:18:46
His last album.
00:18:47
He went to the communist store.
00:18:49
He wouldn't do anything new.
00:18:51
You're talking about terrible, awful.
00:18:55
Richard Pryor refused to do any old jokes.
00:18:59
And everybody went out.
00:19:01
He may have been funny before, but this is, this is terrible.
00:19:04
This is terrible.
00:19:05
For a whole week, this is terrible.
00:19:09
He come back next week.
00:19:10
Every night coming to store.
00:19:11
Well, at least it's a little better than it was last week.
00:19:16
We come back to third week.
00:19:18
Okay.
00:19:21
Okay.
00:19:22
Okay.
00:19:22
Okay.
00:19:23
Third week.
00:19:23
And it's getting better.
00:19:25
It's getting better.
00:19:27
Six weeks.
00:19:28
Oh my god.
00:19:29
This shit is starting to get come this coming together.
00:19:32
There's much live on sunset strip.
00:19:36
The album made.
00:19:39
We sent him.
00:19:40
I saw him go from 0 to 10 and for months.
00:19:43
What a great genius fantastic guy.
00:19:46
Love him.
00:19:47
Love this work.
00:19:48
And Richard Pryor came along under a time when the black communists had just entered the avenue where you could say what you want to say because you know,
00:19:59
we started off on tonight's show and and we're gripping.
00:20:03
We had to be clean.
00:20:04
We had to be clean.
00:20:05
So Richard is one of the guys that really broke out.
00:20:08
And Bill Collie was probably pissed at him for saying what he did.
00:20:12
No Bill calls me called it.
00:20:14
You're too too much.
00:20:15
And what did it mean for him to have a kiss my other than have a coke or something like that.
00:20:21
Richard Pryor saw him go to everything.
00:20:23
What a great guy he was too.
00:20:25
Love him.
00:20:26
He was really honest too.
00:20:27
Yeah.
00:20:28
The honesty.
00:20:29
Pryor could get at, you know, the reality of being black of, you know, I mean, I remember a bit he did also about just like a baby being born.
00:20:39
Yeah.
00:20:40
He was like, oh my god.
00:20:42
Like that, that, that was amazing.
00:20:43
I don't know.
00:20:44
He did a bit that I thought I would never say that.
00:20:48
A sexual moment he had.
00:20:49
You might know the one I'm talking about.
00:20:50
I did that before.
00:20:51
God damn, I would never admit that.
00:20:53
I just thought that was great man.
00:20:57
You can really, really, really just be honest and just tell the truth.
00:21:01
And what a great comedian Richard Pryor was.
00:21:04
And well, you're on the same stage with him and before him and follow him.
00:21:08
I came along the time.
00:21:09
That's who was on stage.
00:21:11
Richard Pryor, David Letterman, Robin Williams, Elaine Bousler, Jay Leno, and I have the greatest life ever.
00:21:20
And you mentioned all those names.
00:21:22
I'm going to tell you something.
00:21:23
You're not going to believe this, but I am the most successful comedian you have ever met.
00:21:27
You need to know that it's not how much money you make.
00:21:30
It's how you enjoy your life while you're living.
00:21:34
I've done everything.
00:21:35
I've been everywhere.
00:21:36
I, you know, they call me the new Mr.
00:21:38
Vegas.
00:21:38
I've worked Las Vegas longer than any African-American I've done more shows.
00:21:43
I never was interested in doing TV or movies, even though I do them.
00:21:47
The people call me and just do it.
00:21:50
All I ever wanted to do was a PA.
00:21:51
Fisional appearances.
00:21:53
And I went to Las Vegas.
00:21:57
I've been in Las Vegas since 1979.
00:22:00
2004.
00:22:01
I thought I'd go in and start my own show.
00:22:03
I own this show.
00:22:03
Let's make it fair for good clear.
00:22:05
I don't work for the hotels.
00:22:07
I own this show.
00:22:07
I'm going to produce it.
00:22:09
I'm the director.
00:22:10
I do all of the marketing.
00:22:11
I do all of the advertising.
00:22:13
That's me.
00:22:14
You got to be stupid to do something like that because you can lose a lot of money.
00:22:18
And most people do.
00:22:20
But I had the niche of knowing how to advertise because you know, my degrees in marketing advertising and you living in New York City, a lot of people don't know this about me.
00:22:30
All of the board's inspectors at Times Square, all of the 5,000 buses in some ways in New York City.
00:22:37
I was vice president of that company doing the advertising, selling the space.
00:22:40
So I made a lot of money doing that.
00:22:42
So I knew how to advertise myself in Las Vegas and make it work.
00:22:46
Tell me something.
00:22:47
I know you got a philosophy on this sort of stuff.
00:22:51
What makes people laugh?
00:22:52
What makes people laugh?
00:22:54
The truth?
00:22:54
The truth?
00:22:55
Just tell the truth.
00:22:56
If you hear some, you know what's funny.
00:22:59
The most simple things in life are funny.
00:23:02
Like I talk about my family sometimes.
00:23:04
My family is just like stupid.
00:23:06
I have an uncle that lived next to order us before he died.
00:23:11
He could just say stupid stuff.
00:23:12
And I think back I said, you know, I need to talk about that more because he was a better liar than me.
00:23:17
He would say things like Atlanta Braves.
00:23:20
He used to love their Atlanta Braves, but he hated them at the same time because they're such a terrible team back in the day.
00:23:25
I left Atlanta Braves too.
00:23:26
It was back in the day.
00:23:27
I was a kid turning a TDS.
00:23:29
And they would play the braves at 2 o'clock in the morning of the earlier game.
00:23:34
My dad, my ass, I'm watching like, well, remember they're going to win this time.
00:23:37
It's the same game all the time.
00:23:38
Listen to him.
00:23:41
My uncle, he didn't lie.
00:23:42
He said the braves can't play baseball.
00:23:44
They do better.
00:23:45
If they let the depiction is so bad, they do better.
00:23:48
If they let the opposing team throw up their own barrel and hit it like we did for real kids.
00:23:52
He would say things like that.
00:23:53
You get asked my wife, Ruby, and Ruby would tell you right now, when I was a young man, I played baseball over the backstopper.
00:24:01
That's how old he was, a hind catcher, you know, a catcher.
00:24:04
So that's how well I am.
00:24:05
I said, hind catcher or the catcher.
00:24:08
He said, I was so good.
00:24:10
When that boy on first base steal and go down the second, he said, I wouldn't throw that barrel down there.
00:24:16
I run and then take his ass out.
00:24:17
That's my wife, Ruby.
00:24:19
He would just lie, just make up shit.
00:24:20
He just make up.
00:24:21
So amazing.
00:24:22
It's funny.
00:24:23
It's so funny.
00:24:25
He's the same guy, but I ask you a question and answer it at the same time.
00:24:28
If you pay attention, this is what I do.
00:24:30
It's my job.
00:24:31
See, I don't know what you do, journalism, accountants.
00:24:33
We don't know what they do.
00:24:35
That's what they do.
00:24:36
But it's my job to interrogate and learn what is funny.
00:24:39
So I pick up on things that people do.
00:24:42
Like my uncle, but we'll ask you a question and answer it at the same time.
00:24:46
You know, maybe people like ask you a question.
00:24:48
My uncle say, how you all get up here?
00:24:50
Walk?
00:24:52
Tell your dad, we're what time to get off six o'clock?
00:24:54
Ask you a question.
00:24:56
What's your mom cook and chicken?
00:24:58
Just ask your question.
00:24:59
Why are you walking like that boy?
00:25:01
You'll be here.
00:25:01
Why are you calling a doctor?
00:25:04
You sick?
00:25:04
Listen, you can just go on and on and on.
00:25:07
You put all that together.
00:25:08
The next thing you know, you got an hour, you got two hours, three hours, five hours, much here, and your stores and stores and stores.
00:25:14
Then you start making up shit.
00:25:16
I mean, you're right.
00:25:16
You're right.
00:25:17
Like when the comic says an observation that you're like, oh my god, that's so true.
00:25:24
I never realized that.
00:25:25
But now that he's pointed out and now she's pointed out it's like, oh my god, that's so real.
00:25:30
And that you laugh really hard.
00:25:32
Like, oh, wow.
00:25:33
Like that's real.
00:25:34
Yeah, that's real.
00:25:36
It's like I used to make up the joke about people would jump in the fence from the President of Barack Obama was in the office.
00:25:41
And I said, you know, most of them was white people, right?
00:25:44
Because you see black people jumped at this.
00:25:46
No, not many black people jumped at this.
00:25:49
No, because let me tell you why.
00:25:50
They teach those dogs to eat black people.
00:25:53
They teach the, no, listen, they had to retrain those dogs and not to eat President of Barack Obama.
00:26:00
This shit is true.
00:26:03
I'm making up.
00:26:04
That's what I was telling people.
00:26:05
This is true.
00:26:06
I said, you ever see President Barack Obama get off that helicopter?
00:26:10
Every time he gets up that helicopter, what was he doing?
00:26:12
Because the dog was chasing his ass.
00:26:16
So you make up with things like that.
00:26:17
The truth and you just put a twist on it.
00:26:20
Here's how you write a joke.
00:26:22
A, B, three.
00:26:23
One, two, three.
00:26:26
You got to subject.
00:26:27
You got to sentence.
00:26:28
And then you have your twist at the end.
00:26:30
So that's our job as a person saying, you said you get the subject.
00:26:33
You got the what?
00:26:34
That's the, the meat.
00:26:36
You know, the substance on your, your, your, your little, you know, subject.
00:26:41
You get the substance and then twist.
00:26:42
Yeah, yeah.
00:26:44
So that is a twist.
00:26:45
And then there's a twist at the end.
00:26:46
Yeah, because there's got to be a surprise.
00:26:48
There's got to be a surprise.
00:26:49
There's got to be a surprising element.
00:26:51
The surprise is what makes you laugh.
00:26:53
And then you tell the truth on things.
00:26:55
Here's one.
00:26:56
Here's a good one.
00:26:57
You just stop lying in church.
00:26:59
I said, I'm always talking about this.
00:27:01
Always a lie.
00:27:02
What's the first thing your pastor says when he woke up in the pool pit?
00:27:05
I won't be long.
00:27:06
That's a lie.
00:27:07
I won't be long.
00:27:09
That's a, no matter what you do, no matter what you say, I'm finding something funny.
00:27:15
People that need to ask kicked.
00:27:17
People that ask you on their three way, then go slower than you were going.
00:27:21
Little things like that.
00:27:22
Police officers, hold me over.
00:27:24
Just, just pop up out of your head.
00:27:26
Is there a big difference between the things that tend to make black people laugh as opposed to the things that tend to make white audiences laugh?
00:27:38
Oh, hell yeah.
00:27:39
That's different things that we do.
00:27:41
You know that.
00:27:42
My best friend is white and I go to his house.
00:27:44
I hope you don't hear this.
00:27:45
I hope he doesn't hear this.
00:27:47
But they were all the pizza man.
00:27:49
Four or five pizza.
00:27:51
Four or five pizzas.
00:27:52
No meat.
00:27:53
Get them.
00:27:54
No meat on just plain pizza.
00:27:56
They're white people do stuff like that.
00:27:59
You better give me some pepperoni and some sausage on this pizza.
00:28:03
And they just, and when they eat, people eat, they go, oh my god.
00:28:08
Oh my god, it's so good.
00:28:11
It's so good.
00:28:14
And I'm just, and I'm looking, this actually happened in the side of the house.
00:28:18
This is the best ever.
00:28:20
And I'm just saying, you know when black people, we get such a really good, we have one word on it.
00:28:25
So yeah, there's certain things you can talk about.
00:28:32
You can talk about in the black church.
00:28:34
You can talk about things.
00:28:35
But I tend to talk about things.
00:28:37
I try to make everybody relate to it.
00:28:40
You know, just certain things on TV, all sharp, John, have you seen him lately?
00:28:46
And we need to start to go feed me on his ass.
00:28:50
Just kind of, I look at little things like that, you know?
00:28:54
I know.
00:28:55
Hey, I know the rev.
00:28:57
He's not eating.
00:28:58
That's what happened.
00:29:01
That's what he's this guy get any skinnier.
00:29:03
I mean, when the microphone is on, Mike, he's barely eating.
00:29:09
I talk about him.
00:29:10
He does.
00:29:10
He did a thing once.
00:29:11
Now listen to me.
00:29:12
This was wrong with me.
00:29:15
I talk about anything now.
00:29:16
He had a funeral for the inward.
00:29:18
You might remember this.
00:29:19
They had a funeral for the inward.
00:29:23
People came from all over the world to bury their, they really wanted the old people, really want to get rid of the end word.
00:29:29
They didn't want to hear that word, that inward at all.
00:29:31
So they had a funeral for the end word.
00:29:33
They had a regular three-hour service black illness.
00:29:36
They talked about the end word and took the end word.
00:29:39
They put the end word in the coffin and they prayed over the end word and they're quiet saying over the end word and they took the end word.
00:29:45
They closed the coffin with the end word and they took the end word in the coffin out of the church.
00:29:50
They took the coffin down to the cemetery and they buried the end word.
00:29:56
They buried the end word.
00:30:01
But on that third day, it froze back up.
00:30:06
So I look, see I'm paying attention to everything that's going on right now.
00:30:15
It's just, so that's how I come up with my jokes and the next thing, you know, we just haven't found it.
00:30:20
Next thing is, if it's a cheap hotel, somebody sent some stupid at the airport, here's a joke I do.
00:30:26
So I'm walking through the airport and I said, in Pittsburgh, and somebody said, hey, Mr.
00:30:31
Wallace, you in town?
00:30:32
And I just let shit like that go, you in town.
00:30:34
It's a simple thing like that.
00:30:37
I'm working with church.
00:30:39
I'm working with my church.
00:30:40
What's any of the church around the Christ?
00:30:42
We're doing a Christmas show and never storming like hell outside.
00:30:45
Somebody there walked and she said, it's raining outside.
00:30:48
So I made that a joke.
00:30:50
Of course, it's raining outside.
00:30:52
What do you come in here?
00:30:53
Of course it's raining outside.
00:30:55
So I do a little thing.
00:30:57
Sometimes it's timing.
00:30:58
Things that you don't think is funny.
00:31:00
But if you do the right timing, you get to the right mindset.
00:31:03
The timing, the timing, the timing takes it from you, you talk about your, your man, Jerry Seinfeld, one of your best friends.
00:31:09
You were best man at his wedding.
00:31:11
You guys have been close for decades.
00:31:12
I'm actually the real George.
00:31:13
I'm actually the real George.
00:31:15
I told you that, you know, I'm his roommate for 13 years.
00:31:18
Okay.
00:31:18
Oh, you ended his wedding.
00:31:19
Oh, because he ends up, he ends up, he ends up was based on you.
00:31:22
Well, it's actually roommate that, you know, it's kind of mixed up all different kinds of ways, but I'm his actual roommate for 13 years.
00:31:30
So you're the actual we're going to do, we're going to go back and try to buy the place that we shared back in the 70s and 80s.
00:31:38
Make it a historical landmark.
00:31:40
So talk about, I mean, Seinfeld's one of the great comedians of modern, but he has more money than anybody.
00:31:46
Does that make him the greatest?
00:31:48
He's got so much money.
00:31:49
He's the, this guy is so rich, man.
00:31:51
No, it's an amazing, it's an amazing TV show, but, but, but, but, but him is a standup.
00:31:55
He is a, he is one of the great modern standups.
00:31:58
What makes him so great as a standup?
00:32:00
His writing, his writing is so good and he does it every day still to this day.
00:32:08
For one hour, he says, tell him about the legal path.
00:32:09
We both old school, you know, the young kids walk on the stage with the telephone.
00:32:13
We still walk out, but they yell a pad and I'll have the pad.
00:32:17
He has the piece of paper.
00:32:18
His writing, so such a prolific writer and it's just so sharp, his mind and once you get into the groove and any comedian and once you get them and youth and that pattern was thinking about it,
00:32:31
he's so sharp, his, his material is so good.
00:32:34
Sometimes we write together and he can change the joke around and he's just good.
00:32:38
He's one of the best.
00:32:40
I mean, I know he talks about being like a wordsmith and just like.
00:32:44
Yes, place of the joke and the beat makes all the difference.
00:32:48
And the words for him, you know, so he's the wordsmith.
00:32:53
That's something I like to be.
00:32:55
That's what you are to as a wordsmith.
00:32:56
I have no idea.
00:32:57
I need to go back to college.
00:32:58
I don't know nothing.
00:33:00
I don't know.
00:33:01
But do you have, do you have writing time like morning, afternoon, whatever it is, like I'm going to spend an hour or two with the pad and see what's coming out.
00:33:10
Dude, we write 24 hours a day if you're in a restaurant right on the napkin, put it on a match cover.
00:33:16
We write, oh, do you wake up in the middle of the night, write it down.
00:33:19
In the middle of the night, you wake up, go, that's funny and you wake up at eight o'clock and you go, what the hell is this?
00:33:24
You can't even read your own hand writing.
00:33:27
What the hell is this?
00:33:28
But yes, that's what we do.
00:33:29
Committees are 11.
00:33:31
We work 24 hours a day.
00:33:33
You can sit down and write out a whole bit.
00:33:35
Let's see, what do we got over here in the pad?
00:33:38
Right now, I have this book, this new book and it's I do the top five.
00:33:41
It's called Bootswit.
00:33:43
This is a new book I have about right now.
00:33:45
George Wallace dot net.
00:33:46
What do you get the guy that has everything?
00:33:48
Get him Bootswit.
00:33:50
He's the ramlings in my head.
00:33:53
So I want to write a joke today.
00:33:54
I want to do the top five cuts in the world.
00:33:57
Cut C-U-T-E, top five cuts in the world.
00:34:00
So I got down paper cut.
00:34:01
I have down center cut.
00:34:03
I think that's what they call a stake or something like that.
00:34:06
I'll have down Connecticut and I got down a haircut and then somebody additionally going to have how about cut one,
00:34:17
somebody cut one.
00:34:18
So little, this is the crazy things in my head that you're not real jokes because you got to treat them out in less than 240 characters,
00:34:28
started 180 characters, right?
00:34:29
So it's like crazy thoughts in my head.
00:34:33
How poor we were.
00:34:34
We were so poor.
00:34:36
Now I'm from Atlanta.
00:34:37
We were so poor.
00:34:38
It's just true story here.
00:34:40
We were so poor that we could only listen to the tips.
00:34:43
We never knew about the Gladys.
00:34:49
We never knew about it.
00:34:50
Gladys is like, never.
00:34:53
There's two guys when you were young, you ever heard of Sam and Dave?
00:34:57
Yeah.
00:34:57
We never knew about Dave.
00:34:58
Never knew about Dave.
00:35:00
Little thoughts like that.
00:35:02
So I like writing every day and I watch the news every day.
00:35:07
So whatever's on the news, you just write, write, write and can't wait to get on stage to present it.
00:35:15
So that's how the creative stuff comes.
00:35:16
Talk a little bit about the business stuff.
00:35:18
How do you make a career out of it?
00:35:20
Because it's got to be, it's more than just going to comedy store up to comedy store now.
00:35:25
It's got to be more to it than that.
00:35:28
Great.
00:35:28
Let me tell you what you just said, magic words.
00:35:31
It's two words we use when we get it.
00:35:33
It's called show.
00:35:34
Right.
00:35:35
Business.
00:35:37
Right.
00:35:37
You got to know the business side.
00:35:40
I'm much, I'm so angry at a lot of people that mostly sports guys that make all this money and the next thing, you know, they're broke.
00:35:47
You got to, you know, you make it all this money when you're, you see these guys, these boxers and sports guys, they make millions,
00:35:58
millions of dollars.
00:35:59
And the next thing, you know, they're broke.
00:36:01
They go out and they go crazy.
00:36:03
They buy these big homes, a 10 million dollar homes.
00:36:06
And the management, first of all, you don't even get but half the money you make it.
00:36:10
Okay, those agents, managers, PR people, IRS, RS, RS, RS.
00:36:18
So they take half your money.
00:36:21
And what you got to do is prepare for that.
00:36:24
Because sometimes they think when they, they think the contract is going to go forever, you can get hurt the next week.
00:36:29
No money is coming in.
00:36:30
Just what, when no money is coming in, the bills are still coming in.
00:36:33
The tax on the profit is still coming in.
00:36:36
So show business.
00:36:37
How do you, how do you do it?
00:36:39
You plan, you plan.
00:36:41
Don't go crazy spending money.
00:36:43
You don't need 15 brand new cars unless you're making just wild money.
00:36:47
But you find out at the end, you don't need all of that stuff.
00:36:50
That's what I think.
00:36:50
I could be wrong.
00:36:51
I really be, I really want people to live the lives they want to.
00:36:55
But I think you plan.
00:36:55
I'm doing okay.
00:36:56
If I never work a day again in my life, I'm okay.
00:36:59
Is it normally like, you know, let's, let's be somewhere 50 weeks a year?
00:37:04
No, no, I, I've been all over the world.
00:37:11
You know, I was in Singapore yesterday.
00:37:13
I'll tell you that.
00:37:13
I just like doing comedy every night, every night.
00:37:21
I just don't happen to like lost Vegas.
00:37:23
But I go all over the world.
00:37:24
You know, I'm on tour, I go on tour with Samoa, I go on tour with Mike Epps, I go on tour with Chris Tucker, DC Youngfly.
00:37:34
I love going all over the world.
00:37:35
I love going into Constitution Hall in Washington, DC.
00:37:38
I love going into Madison Square Garden in New York City.
00:37:42
And an audience to me is an audience, people that I love and they love to laugh.
00:37:47
There's nothing better than that or so.
00:37:49
So I'm in Las Vegas.
00:37:51
Why I just, since I own it, I just do it.
00:37:54
I walk across the street.
00:37:55
I have an apartment in the hotel.
00:37:58
People come to see me from all over the world.
00:38:00
That's just my choice.
00:38:02
But I think what most comedians do, they do travel a lot.
00:38:05
That doesn't bother me.
00:38:07
Okay, I love traveling too.
00:38:08
Let's make that perfectly clear.
00:38:10
My first degree is in transportation.
00:38:12
I love, I love traveling.
00:38:13
Of course, I have my own jet.
00:38:15
So let's make that perfectly clear.
00:38:17
You do?
00:38:17
My own jet.
00:38:18
When you have some idiot, some idiot went up there the other day and wrote girls on the top of it.
00:38:22
That just pissed me off.
00:38:23
You know what I'm saying?
00:38:24
It's pissed me off.
00:38:26
Same.
00:38:26
I find so much that I, I'm pretty much on the fly.
00:38:36
I have like, I have over seven million miles just flying.
00:38:42
And even this year, I've already done, I've done 110.
00:38:45
If you see folks, younger folks coming up who want to be comics, want to have long careers in the game like you, you know, what do you tell them?
00:38:55
What's some of the best advice you ever got?
00:38:58
Well, I tell young comedians, make sure this is what you want to do because you can't, you can't want to be a comedian.
00:39:05
You've got to be a comedian.
00:39:06
I want to do this.
00:39:07
You know, you can, I've got friends want to be a comedian.
00:39:10
They work, they go on stage, wants a week, wants a month, they're going to work, they're going to work.
00:39:16
You got to love this.
00:39:17
I'm sorry.
00:39:18
When you're into this comedy thing as a real comedian, you could be married, but comedy better be number one.
00:39:25
Why family?
00:39:27
Sometimes comes in number two or maybe they should equal, but most comedians, good comedians.
00:39:35
Number one thing to do is hit that stage.
00:39:37
You can walk into a club with your wife, girlfriend, whatever.
00:39:42
Walk into a club.
00:39:43
If you see another comedian, you know what we say?
00:39:45
I'll be right back.
00:39:47
Be right back.
00:39:48
We got to get to the other comic.
00:39:50
There's a small, small club.
00:39:52
We love each other.
00:39:53
It's something, once, once, once made a step, you got to have that in yet, in yet.
00:39:58
It's something we cannot explain, but it's something deep down inside.
00:40:02
You love it.
00:40:03
Nothing can replace doing comedy.
00:40:06
So we tell the young people, make sure you don't love it.
00:40:09
Be yourself.
00:40:10
Be honest to yourself.
00:40:11
Know who you are.
00:40:12
I'm also teaching the young comedians like, don't, there's a lot of hateful people out there.
00:40:18
They haters.
00:40:19
You know, just do you, be you, whatever you do, there's a market for you.
00:40:24
You don't have to make all the money in the world.
00:40:26
It doesn't matter.
00:40:28
And you don't have to be number one.
00:40:29
I've been doing it long enough to know that there's a lot of problems with being number one.
00:40:35
Look at Richard Prior.
00:40:37
Look at Michael Jackson.
00:40:39
Look at Arthur Ash.
00:40:40
Look at Dr.
00:40:40
Martin Luther King.
00:40:42
Everybody got all of those problems.
00:40:44
It's like traveling.
00:40:46
When you have, you have too much luggage, they charge you for it.
00:40:50
So I'm teaching the young comedians.
00:40:52
Don't worry about being on top of the mountain.
00:40:53
Just be on your way up to mountain.
00:40:55
Do you, um, I know you write a lot.
00:40:58
Do you have joke jokes that you love?
00:41:02
I used to know every joke in the book, but I forgot most of my jokes.
00:41:09
I get my joke jokes, but you know who mount one of my favorite comedians is Joe Austin.
00:41:15
Who?
00:41:15
Joe Austin, you know, the preacher.
00:41:24
He will not start a sermon.
00:41:25
Well, he not.
00:41:26
He will not start a sermon without always like to start off a little funny story.
00:41:31
I heard and jokes are so good.
00:41:34
And every now and I love jokes.
00:41:36
I'm sure they're going to come back because everything is cyclical after 30 years, you know, I'm sure they're going to come back.
00:41:42
Here's a joke right here.
00:41:43
Um, an old couple was sitting on the front porch and the rocking chairs and it was just rocking and just rocking and just rocking.
00:41:50
And I don't know where the wide just turned over and just slouched the head of the husband.
00:41:55
He goes, what the hell was that about?
00:41:59
She says that's for 57 years of bad sex.
00:42:03
So they said, no, unfortunately, just rocking and just rocking.
00:42:09
All of a said not to know where.
00:42:11
I am he co-cocks and knocks off the porch.
00:42:13
She comes back up on the porch.
00:42:15
He says, well, you do that.
00:42:17
He says, that's for knowing the difference.
00:42:20
So I love jokes jokes are good, man.
00:42:26
You start telling jokes jokes are the jokes of funny, man.
00:42:29
Maybe somebody should come back into God, God, we give, uh, give it God they told a lot of jokes jokes are funny.
00:42:35
Joe Austin told a joke when he said, a little boy turned 16 years old.
00:42:38
He went to his dad.
00:42:39
He said, that I'm 16.
00:42:40
Today, I got my driver's license.
00:42:42
I'd like to use the family car.
00:42:44
His dad was a minister.
00:42:45
He said, sound, I know you want to use that family car.
00:42:48
But I think we have other priorities.
00:42:50
He said, sound number one, you need to improve your grades.
00:42:53
He said, sound number two, me being a minister, it'd be very nice.
00:42:57
It would look just like you, just like you.
00:43:00
Be very nice if you were to start reading the Bible.
00:43:03
And sound number three, you need to get a haircut.
00:43:06
So six months later, the little boy came back and said, Dad, I love you.
00:43:12
I try to obey you.
00:43:12
Do everything you ask me to do.
00:43:14
You asked me to improve my grades.
00:43:17
I said up late at night, Dad, it was hard to do, but here's my report card.
00:43:21
I want to thank you, Daddy.
00:43:23
I want to thank you, Daddy.
00:43:25
We did it.
00:43:25
I'm proving my report card.
00:43:28
Dad number two, you being a minister, making me read that Bible.
00:43:33
I really got to thank you for making me read that Bible.
00:43:36
He said, Dad, you know, when I was reading the Bible, do you know I read that something had long hair?
00:43:42
Thank you, Dad.
00:43:43
He said, Dad, I continued to read the Bible more and more and more.
00:43:48
Dad, I even read a passageway.
00:43:49
Moses had long hair.
00:43:51
Thank you, Daddy.
00:43:54
He said, Dad, I got to tell you, you being a minister, making me read, I read the whole Bible, Dad, and even Jesus had long hair.
00:44:04
And as Dad said, and if you remember why you were reading, if what he went to watch, you need to get a haircut.
00:44:15
So that's one of my favorite clean jokes, Dad.
00:44:20
Let me see if I get my dad told me this one from, it's all the way.
00:44:28
I am your real daddy.
00:44:30
I'm your real daddy, okay?
00:44:31
There's a white family, a white boy in the kitchen.
00:44:36
His mom is making a chocolate cake and they got the chocolate batter there.
00:44:42
And mom turns around and he dunks his face in the batter and spreads it all around.
00:44:47
And he says, and look, Mommy, I'm black.
00:44:51
And she takes off her belt and she beats the shit out of her living room and show your father what you've done.
00:44:58
And he thinks Dad's going to get it and he goes, look, Daddy, I'm black.
00:45:02
And dad takes off his belt and beats the shit out of the kid.
00:45:06
And he could go on the porch and show your grandfather what you've done.
00:45:09
Now he knows what's going to happen.
00:45:11
And look, Grandpa, I'm black.
00:45:13
And he takes a switch off the tree and beats the last bit of piss and tears out of the boy.
00:45:19
And he's crying.
00:45:20
Now go back in the kitchen with your Obama.
00:45:22
And he goes back to the kitchen.
00:45:23
The mom says, I hope you learned your lesson.
00:45:26
And the boy says, I sure did.
00:45:27
I've been black five minutes and I already hate all you white motherfuckers.
00:45:31
You heard that?
00:45:33
You heard that before.
00:45:37
I know every joke in the fight.
00:45:38
Let me tell you a good joke.
00:45:38
Corey, let me tell you a good joke.
00:45:43
So Easter Sunday, right at church Easter Sunday.
00:45:47
The Bishop comes up in the pulpit and the church is full.
00:45:51
He's never seen this many people in the church where he says, Oh my God, I am so blessed today.
00:45:55
You know, I wanted to come out and talk about the risen record of pride.
00:45:58
I just, but I got to change my name today.
00:46:01
I never seen.
00:46:01
I got to speak on sand.
00:46:02
He said, ladies and gentlemen, God bless all of you becoming today.
00:46:05
He says, I got to speak on sand.
00:46:07
He said, I want all of you number runners and gamblers.
00:46:09
I want you to get up and get on this side of the church over here.
00:46:13
He says, I want all you dope dealers, dope being dope addicts.
00:46:18
I want you to sit in the middle of church.
00:46:20
I want all you holds and prostitutes and homeowners just sit on the left right hand side of church.
00:46:25
So for the next 15 minutes, everybody's getting up going to the different sections.
00:46:30
So, after everybody's seated, he looked in the back.
00:46:35
There's one, one good looking little guy standing up by himself.
00:46:39
Everybody else has said the preacher said, well, young man, you're still standing.
00:46:42
Why, why are you standing?
00:46:43
He said, well, pastor, you didn't call my category.
00:46:46
So the preacher said, well, what is your category?
00:46:49
He says, pastor, I'm a clock sucker.
00:46:53
So the preacher said, well, you can end up here in the paper with me.
00:46:56
I got something for you.
00:47:06
I got a job for you.
00:47:08
Let me see if you heard this one.
00:47:11
Guy walks into a bar and the bartender starts talking to him and the guy says, what do you do?
00:47:17
And the guy says, well, I'm a professional gambler.
00:47:20
He says, well, let's make a bet.
00:47:22
And the guy says, you don't want to make a bet with me.
00:47:24
I never lose.
00:47:25
The bartender's always got to lose some of the time.
00:47:27
The guy says, all right, I bet you that I can lick my left eye.
00:47:32
The bartender says, what?
00:47:34
That's impossible.
00:47:35
$100 on the bar.
00:47:37
And the guy takes out his left eye and puts it on his tongue.
00:47:41
Glass eye.
00:47:41
Bartender says, what?
00:47:43
That's amazing.
00:47:44
And the guy says, all right, I'll bet you $500.
00:47:47
I can lick my right eye.
00:47:48
And the bartender says, well, you can't have two glass eyes.
00:47:51
You walked in here.
00:47:52
$500 on the bar.
00:47:54
The guy takes out his dentures and puts it on his like, oh, God damn it.
00:47:58
The guy says, all right, I'll give you one more chance.
00:48:01
I'm going to walk around the bar.
00:48:02
I'm going to cup one.
00:48:03
So he goes off in the corner with the Japanese businessman and hangs out with them for a while.
00:48:08
He comes back on the bar and he says to the bartender, okay, I'll bet you $1,000 that I can stand on the bar and pee into that bottle of vodka over there and not miss a drop anywhere.
00:48:24
And the bartender says, okay, $1,000 because that's impossible.
00:48:28
So the guy pulls out his pants and he pees all over the bartender and he doesn't get any in the vodka bottle.
00:48:34
And the bartender is dripping at pee.
00:48:36
And he's like, yay, I beat you finally.
00:48:39
And he's like, why are you not upset?
00:48:41
And the bartender and the guy says, well, I bet those guys $10,000 that I can stand on the bar and pee on you and you'd like it.
00:48:49
You didn't say a word, right?
00:48:50
That's exactly right.
00:48:53
I know that joke.
00:48:54
Here's a joke.
00:48:54
Now, this is the original joke that I wrote.
00:48:56
Now, if you're into jokes, this is this is Johnny Carlson's favorite joke.
00:49:01
And wanted to guys get it on a shirt.
00:49:04
Clint, Clint Eastwood did it in the one in the movies.
00:49:08
I wrote this joke.
00:49:10
Two Jews are Mexican and a black walked into a bar.
00:49:13
The bartender is a yellow, get the fuck out of here.
00:49:16
That's the joke.
00:49:21
That's not even going through the bullshit.
00:49:24
Just get the fuck out of here.
00:49:27
I saw all of you.
00:49:28
You're right.
00:49:29
I don't know how you get any of you.
00:49:30
You get the fuck out of here.
00:49:31
Get the fuck out of here.
00:49:37
Jokes are fun.
00:49:44
Funny is serious.
00:49:46
It's a lot of work.
00:49:49
And you got to love it.
00:49:50
And there's a big time for you.
00:49:52
Do you know even if you didn't get paid how rewarding it is to make people laugh?
00:49:57
I talk about laughter.
00:49:58
It's the greatest medicine in the world.
00:50:01
And we don't stop laughing because we grow older.
00:50:03
But we do grow older because we stop laughing.
00:50:06
You got to keep laughter in your life no matter what.
00:50:08
You can't even take a smile without feeling better.
00:50:10
Look at your right now.
00:50:12
Go ahead, go ahead and go and smile.
00:50:14
It's something to it.
00:50:15
Look at you.
00:50:16
Look at you.
00:50:17
You feel better.
00:50:18
So keep laughing your life.
00:50:20
Well, part of the beauty of what you do is it's involuntary.
00:50:24
Even if I don't like you, you say something funny, I'm going to laugh.
00:50:29
I can't control it.
00:50:30
You know, so that's part of what makes it so great.
00:50:33
It's been an honor and a privilege.
00:50:36
Well, I wish I could say the same.
00:50:37
You see how it totally works.
00:50:42
I wish I could say the same.
00:50:44
I'm sitting there spending my time bullshitting with you.
00:50:46
I could be somewhere sitting doing something.
00:50:49
Taking my tickets and giving them a gun, I'm stripping hamburgers and shit.
00:50:53
I'm here talking to you, all right.
00:50:55
What's that?
00:50:59
You don't know.
00:51:00
I ask you how to do for insane.
00:51:02
Oh, a little bit.
00:51:03
Yeah.
00:51:03
African African.
00:51:08
I apologize.
00:51:09
I apologize.
00:51:10
No, it's okay.
00:51:11
I should know better because I live in Atlanta.
00:51:14
Did I take it about, you know, have you been to my hometown, Atlanta?
00:51:17
Yeah.
00:51:18
Yeah.
00:51:19
You have an African name.
00:51:20
Did you ever think you I was talking to?
00:51:22
What's the name of the night?
00:51:23
I had to know.
00:51:24
And I had to ask him.
00:51:25
He showed me Africa.
00:51:27
When you get off the plane in Atlanta, they shut the shit out of you.
00:51:30
You never saw them in a black people in your life.
00:51:32
It's not a black people.
00:51:34
You said that to him.
00:51:35
Yeah.
00:51:36
You know, it's the truth.
00:51:37
There's more black people in Atlanta than Africa.
00:51:41
I told you I went to I went to Emory.
00:51:45
I spent three.
00:51:47
So you know, yeah, I spent several years in Atlanta.
00:51:51
You know, it's it's a great town.
00:51:54
It's a crazy town.
00:51:55
It's like even so many black people don't allow.
00:51:59
You know, they make the movie black town for here.
00:52:01
Right?
00:52:02
Yep.
00:52:03
They're in it to make it in Africa.
00:52:04
And it's just true story.
00:52:05
They actually want the Africa to make the movie.
00:52:08
But when they got the African story, they didn't have enough black people.
00:52:13
So they had to call Delta and start back to Atlanta.
00:52:19
I love talking about that.
00:52:21
I love to tell people if you ever want to go to Africa, just call Delta.
00:52:25
They'll fly you to Atlanta and you won't know the difference.
00:52:27
There's so many black people here.
00:52:30
The good thing about Atlanta, black people own everything.
00:52:35
That's what I can brag about.
00:52:36
The number one Mercedes-Benz dealership right here in Atlanta.
00:52:39
I can talk about things like that.
00:52:41
Black people own everything in Atlanta.
00:52:43
Chinese restaurants, you go over there on the west side.
00:52:46
They got Chinese restaurants.
00:52:48
They got auctioned fried rice, cooking all kinds of crazy shit.
00:52:52
It's just it's crazy in Atlanta.
00:52:54
I left the city.
00:52:55
So when you come here, you you can just laugh.
00:52:57
Look around and laugh.
00:52:58
We got the Mercedes-Benz stadium.
00:53:02
I called it the Chick-Fil-A stadium.
00:53:05
Well, it's the Chick-Fil-A stadium because of the Falcons for there.
00:53:08
And they both are closed on Sunday.
00:53:10
So you just find all kind of life here in Atlanta.
00:53:13
We got two bears in Atlanta.
00:53:14
I can't go out in Atlanta.
00:53:16
Hawks in Atlanta, Falcons, near the Ancomt line.
00:53:18
So I love talking about my hometown.
00:53:21
And you know, you live here, right?
00:53:23
We've got a place in Atlanta called College Park.
00:53:26
Remember that?
00:53:27
Yeah.
00:53:28
College Park.
00:53:29
Yeah.
00:53:29
More college.
00:53:30
And more park.
00:53:32
So it's still the nicest city in North America for African Americans.
00:53:39
And we got great mayors.
00:53:41
We got Stacey Abrams here.
00:53:42
We're all her good as she is.
00:53:44
I love Atlanta.
00:53:46
I love Atlanta.
00:53:47
Thank you.
00:53:48
See we got everything.
00:53:49
We got president and kept your dollar.
00:53:51
We got longer.
00:53:52
Now keep your dollar.
00:53:53
That joke out of that joke.
00:53:54
It's been 20 years.
00:53:55
You're still funny.
00:53:56
Keep your dollar.
00:53:57
Thanks so much for listening to Torre Show.
00:54:07
Torre Show gives you fuel to power your dreams because you can use your dreams like a rocket ship to blast you into a life you never imagined.
00:54:14
You can make your dreams a reality.
00:54:16
And maybe this show can help.
00:54:18
Good to find me on Blue Sky at Torre and on Instagram at Torre Show.
00:54:22
And of course on TikTok at Torre Show.
00:54:25
Torre Show is written by me Torre and produced by Ashley Hobbs, our editors, Ryan Woodhall, our bookers Ray Holiday.
00:54:31
And we're distributed by DCP Entertainment.
00:54:34
And we will be back next Wednesday with more amazing guests because the man can't shut us down.
00:54:40
[MUSIC]
00:54:50
(upbeat music)
00:54:53
