Written by ChatGPT. Narrated by Michelle Tandler.

Tonight’s bedtime story is about what happens when you give a socialist a city.Not just any city — this city. New York.It’s a fairy tale.Except it’s real.Sleep tight.

Once upon a time, in the land of Gotham,There lived a boy-prince named Zohran.He wore sneakers to City Hall,And dreamed of abolishing it all.

He came from a kingdom of wealth and fame,But claimed oppression all the same.His father called Israel “the endgame of Nazism,”His mother made Bollywood films with great rhythm.

He’d never run a business or paved a street,But he had very nice shoes and liked to tweet.And one day, the people — tired and bored —Elected him mayor. (Or maybe just ignored.)

Mayor Zohran had a plan so grand:“To build a world with no cops and no jails in the land!”He slashed NYPD’s budget in halfAnd told all the burglars to “unlearn the craft.”

Shootings rose — just a little at first —Then the subway became a Hunger Games curse.But no one could complain, lest they sound “right-wing,”So instead, they just moved to New Jersey in spring.

In schools, he banned the Gifted and Talented test,Because it made some feel slightly less than the rest.He hired his friends to run every bureau,Even if all they’d run was a Marxist book club in SoHo.

They banned charter schools, canceled grammar and grades,Replaced gym class with chanting and decolonial charades.Parents protested — they begged and they cried —But Zohran said, “This is equity,” and the critics were fried.

Rents rose, of course — because no one built —And landlords were fined for the city’s guilt.Taxes soared and the subways stalled,And pretty soon, no one answered when 311 called.

Wall Street fled, and Midtown emptied.The bodegas closed. The pigeons wept gently.Even the rats filed for change of address,Citing “hostile urban working conditions” and stress.

At first, the city’s Jews tried to stay,But it got harder with each passing day.The mayor’s friends shouted “Free Palestine” at Shabbat,While graffiti of swastikas peppered the lot.

Hate crimes rose, but Mamdani just sighed:“Let’s understand the root cause,” he replied.So the Jews packed their bags, hopped in cabs, took the bridge,And joined their cousins in Tenafly or Scarsdale Ridge.

By year three, the budget was deep in the red,But Zohran still posted, “Capitalism is dead.”And though trash was piled up to the 10th floor,He tweeted, “My vision is worth fighting for.”

Meanwhile, in swing states from Scranton to Reno,Fox News ran nightly clips of Zohran’s debacles in vivo.Republicans swept the House and the Senate,And took the White House — and yes, they meant it.

And so, dear children, here ends our taleOf a city that flirted with a socialist fail.Goodnight, potholes. Goodnight, screams.Goodnight to all the progressive dreams.

Goodnight crime stats and broken schools.Goodnight to utopians and their Twitter rules.Goodnight cops, who moved to the South.Goodnight New York, gone quiet from doubt.

The YouTube version can be found here:

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit michelletandler.substack.com/subscribe