Gospels Pt. 7 – The Birds are Satan
It’s a parable filled episode and we dig into the storytelling of Jesus. Is he a great storyteller like Homer or Aesop? Or more like a Blue’s Clues reject writer, getting pissed off when the kids don’t understand what the hell the mustard seed means? Where the moral lessons aren’t to give to those in need or don’t be sexist, no matter how helpful those would have been to hear. The moral lessons are to believe in Jesus and that’s it.
Josh pucker’s some Christian buttholes by pointing out that Christianity started as an apocalyptic cult. “The end is neigh” mentality comes up throughout the gospels a lot more than folks realize.
Jesus’ family tries to have him committed. So that’s weird. It’s almost like Mary didn’t remember him being a virgin birth and God getting her pregnant.
The disciples interrupt Jesus’ circadian rhythms for a minor issue of a storm sinking the boat. We’re pretty sure it was while he was all warm and cozy as angels protected him from rain. Again, he gets pissed at his disciples for freaking out over something as stupid as a storm at sea.
Jesus casts out a famous demon and simultaneously raises the question of why a Jewish community would have a herd of 2,000 pigs.
Jesus DOESN’T raise a girl from the dead. He wakes her up. Of course, if she was dead does that mean Jesus pulled her out of heaven? Wouldn’t that make being on earth worse? However, Josh was convinced that the little girl went to hell due to her not being a Christian.
We find out how John the Baptist was killed. In Game of Thrones family tree looping fashion Herod Antipas’s wife’s daughter/his niece did a belly dance and asked for his head.
Get your humors in balance by pouring some of this in your ear holes.