How Does a Narcissist Become a Narcissist? 

A Personality Disorder is a deeply ingrained pattern of behavior that deviates markedly from the norms of generally accepted behavior. These patterns can begin as early as age 8 when children start to realize responses from others. Typically by late teens to early adulthood the pattern is ingrained & diagnosis is possible.

Factors involved:
Inherited Genetics
Cultural Environment (Western)
Parenting & Home Environment

Early evidence supports the brain plays a role in narcissism and can be passed down to next generations. In brain scans of people with narcissistic traits, researchers have discovered less volume of gray matter in the insular and prefrontal areas. This is where empathy, emotional regulation, compassion and cognitive functioning occur.

Our Western Culture has been increasingly breeding narcissism according to authors as far back as the 1970’s. Time magazine published an article in May 2013 titled “The Me Me Me Generation - Millennials are lazy, entitled narcissists who still live with their parents” discussing the rise of narcissism due to Baby Boomers’ parenting, technology, and social media, among other factors. 

Not surprisingly, parenting and home environment weigh heavily in creating a narcissist. The Baby Boomer “Me generation” parents:
Gave excessive adoration
Overvalued their kids
Were lenient disciplinarians 
Awarded children for everything (remember awards for showing up and trying?)
Which resulted in children feeling entitled and expecting similar treatment outside of their parental home. These ingrained patterns of expectations rank on the narcissistic spectrum.

The reverse of this is the abusive, negative upbringing where children are exposed to:
Excessive criticism
Child abuse or neglect
Inconsistent parental care
Unrealistic expectations
Manipulative parents (e.g. they are themselves narcissists)
Children in these environments do not establish emotionally mature and stable identities, self-esteem and feelings of compassion for others. They continuously seek external validation.

** PERSONAL IMPACT **

Learning about my husband’s childhood brought forth my own empathy towards him which he in turn used to manipulate me to give more and more of myself and my assets. I believed it was my responsibility and commitment to take care of my husband so I did and it cost me everything. I lacked the ability to set boundaries with him. I didn’t believe it was my place to set those boundaries. I was supposed to support my husband no matter what. 

How wrong I was. I’ve since learned the value of boundaries and the JOY that comes from setting them!