Digest

This podcast delves into the complexities of lying, exploring its various forms, motivations, and consequences. The hosts discuss their personal experiences with lying and deception, sharing anecdotes about their own encounters with liars and their attempts to navigate the challenges of trust and honesty in relationships. They also interview a licensed psychologist specializing in pathological lying, gaining valuable insights into the psychology behind deception and the potential for change. The podcast covers a wide range of topics, including the different types of lies, the impact of lying on anxiety, the role of executive functioning in deception, the prevalence of lying in dating, and the challenges of detecting and confronting lies. The hosts offer practical advice for taking better photos with your phone, avoiding common pitfalls that can ruin a good shot. They also recommend the Octobody phone grip as a versatile tool for capturing photos and videos. The podcast concludes with a discussion about the importance of honesty in relationships and the potential for liars to change their behavior with the right motivation and support.

Outlines

00:00:00

Introduction, Upcoming Tour, and Jackson Hole Trip Planning

The podcast begins with a discussion about dating and lying in relationships. The hosts then excitedly talk about their upcoming tour, particularly the Vegas show, and how many friends are coming. They also discuss their upcoming trip to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, and their excitement about the Western wear and cowboy culture. They share their plans for the trip, including attending the rodeo, horseback riding, and hiking.

00:00:56

Listener Encounter, Photo-Taking Etiquette, and iPhone Photos

One of the hosts recounts a funny encounter with a listener in Lake Louise, Canada. They asked a young couple to take a picture of them in a canoe, and the girl recognized the host from the podcast. The hosts then launch into a rant about people's photo-taking etiquette, particularly the tendency to change settings, zoom in, and hold the phone at awkward angles. They discuss how this can ruin photos and how they prefer to take photos themselves. One of the hosts expresses frustration with iPhone photos taken by others, particularly the tendency to change settings and framing. They share anecdotes about bad photos taken by friends, family, and even strangers.

00:31:51

Best Photo Shoot with a Stranger, Octobody Phone Grip, and Skims Soft Lounge Collection

The hosts discuss their best photo shoot experiences with strangers, highlighting the importance of finding someone who understands photography and framing. They share anecdotes about good and bad experiences with Uber drivers and strangers. One of the hosts recommends the Octobody phone grip, a small, versatile tool for taking photos and videos. They share how they use it for time-lapses, selfies, and even sticking it to mirrors. The hosts discuss their love for the Skims Soft Lounge collection, particularly the long slip dress and the fold-over pants. They highlight the comfort and versatility of the clothing, and how it's perfect for lounging around the house or dressing up for events.

00:38:06

Armra Colostrum and Interview with Drew Curtis, PhD

The hosts introduce Armra Colostrum, a bovine colostrum supplement that they have been using for its various health benefits. They discuss its role in strengthening the immune system, improving gut health, and enhancing hair and skin radiance. The hosts welcome Drew Curtis, PhD, a licensed psychologist specializing in pathological lying and deception. They discuss the prevalence of lying, the different types of lies, and the challenges of dealing with compulsive liars.

00:50:21

The Nature of Lies and Anxiety, The Psychology of Lying, and The Impact of Lies on Relationships

This chapter explores the relationship between lying and anxiety. The speaker discusses how lying can reduce anxiety in the moment, but often leads to guilt and remorse later. They also delve into the character traits of people who lie frequently, particularly pathological liars, and how they may not always be aware of their own deception. This chapter examines the psychological factors that influence lying, focusing on the role of forecasting consequences and moral considerations. The speaker explains how most people avoid lying because they anticipate negative consequences and feel it's morally wrong. They also discuss how adolescents, particularly pathological liars, may have a deficit in executive functioning, leading to impulsive lying without considering the consequences. This chapter explores the impact of lies on relationships, particularly in romantic contexts. The speaker discusses how lies can be more prevalent in the early stages of a relationship, often used for impression management. They also delve into the different motivations for lying between men and women, with men often exaggerating resources and commitment, while women tend to focus on youthfulness and physical appearance.

01:02:52

Trust and Deception in Relationships, The Difference Between Big Lies and Little Lies, and Detecting Lies

This chapter delves into the complexities of trust and deception in relationships. The speaker addresses the question of whether it's possible to trust someone who has lied, particularly in cases of infidelity. They emphasize that while most people are honest most of the time, the consequences of lying in close relationships can be significant, making it harder to regain trust. This chapter explores the distinction between \"big lies\" and \"little lies\" in relationships. The speaker argues that while infidelity is often seen as a major betrayal, it can sometimes be understood as a situational response to relationship problems. They express greater concern about frequent, seemingly insignificant lies, as they suggest a deeper pattern of deception and a lack of regard for truthfulness. This chapter discusses the challenges of detecting lies. The speaker emphasizes that there is no single \"tell\" or behavioral cue that reliably indicates deception. They highlight the importance of evidence and confession as the primary ways people discover lies. They also introduce the \"ostrich effect,\" where people may choose to ignore or avoid confronting potential deception to maintain a sense of normalcy in their relationships.

01:14:45

The Impact of Discovering Deception, The Value of Honesty in Relationships, and Can Liars Change?

This chapter explores the emotional impact of discovering deception on the person who has been lied to. The speaker acknowledges the common feelings of self-blame, doubt, and a sense of being \"stupid\" for not recognizing the lies sooner. They argue that it's important to remember that good liars are skilled at deception, and it's natural to trust people who claim to be honest. This chapter emphasizes the importance of honesty in relationships, even when it's difficult. The speaker shares a personal anecdote about being honest with their son about accidentally killing his fish, highlighting how honesty can build stronger relationships and foster trust. They also discuss the challenges of confronting difficult truths, particularly when it involves personal failings or betrayals. This chapter addresses the question of whether liars can change. The speaker, a psychologist, expresses optimism about the possibility of change, emphasizing the importance of motivation and willingness to change on both sides of the relationship. They discuss the role of therapy in helping individuals and couples address lying behaviors and develop healthier communication patterns.

Keywords

Q&A

• What are some common reasons why people lie in relationships?

  People often lie in relationships to protect their partner's feelings, avoid confrontation, or conceal their own mistakes or shortcomings.

• What is the difference between a white lie and a pathological lie?

  A white lie is a small, inconsequential lie told to avoid hurting someone's feelings. A pathological lie is a habitual and persistent pattern of lying that is often associated with underlying psychological issues.

• How can lies grow into bigger lies over time?

  Lies can grow into bigger lies because people often feel the need to cover up their initial lies, leading to a cycle of deception.

• How does lying affect anxiety levels?

  Lying can temporarily reduce anxiety in social situations, but it often leads to guilt and remorse later. This is because lying creates a cognitive dissonance between the truth and the lie, causing internal conflict and stress.

• What are some of the psychological factors that contribute to lying?

  Factors like forecasting consequences, moral considerations, and executive functioning play a role. Most people avoid lying because they anticipate negative consequences and feel it's morally wrong. However, individuals with deficits in executive functioning may lie impulsively without considering the consequences.

• How do lies differ in the early stages of a relationship compared to later stages?

  People tend to lie more in the early stages of a relationship, often for impression management purposes. As relationships become more intimate, the frequency of lying decreases, partly because it becomes harder to maintain a facade and the consequences of deception become more significant.

• Can people who have lied in a relationship change their behavior?

  While change is possible, it requires motivation and willingness from both parties. Therapy can be helpful in addressing lying behaviors and developing healthier communication patterns. However, if one person is unwilling to change or acknowledge their deception, it's unlikely the relationship can be salvaged.

Show Notes