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Dads love to hold the TV remote. When that little device is in our hands, we can flip on any channel we want. We hold the power! But kids don’t come with a remote. They are actually really tough to control, as much as we try. Does parenting sometimes leave you feeling out of control as a dad? Ted Lowe, Bobby Lewis, and Buck Buchanan try to figure out how to stop being so controlling as dads. 

Having a sense of control helps us feel competent, relieve uncertainty, and boost our self-worth. But, so much in life is out of our control, especially as dads. This drives many men to pursue control even more. It’s not a great quality, because when we tighten our grip, our kids tend to resist our attempt to grab control. How do we manage the urge to be a controlling parent and still show love to our children? Try these tips. 

1. Know Your Triggers 

What does your kid do that bothers you more than it should? When does your reaction not match the situation?

2. Be Realistic

Control is necessary in some situations, but not all. Just because you think something should happen doesn’t mean it will or even that it should. The more realistic we are, the less controlling we are.

3. Communicate Choices 

Kids respond to choices. If you struggle with being a controlling parent, offering kids the chance to choose between options you’ve predetermined.

4. Model Healthy Behavior

This is crucial. If you aren’t trying to control your kids, they will learn not to be controlling, too.  

5. Slow Down 

When your child does something you want to control quickly, give yourself space to let the logical part of your brain return online. That’s the part of your brain that knows you can’t make your child do anything. 

6. Choose your battles. 

The less you try to control, the less controlling you will be.

Bottom line: You can’t control your kid, but you can help them choose. 

Today’s Pro Move: Ask yourself, what is one area where you need to be less controlling with your kid?   

Other resources: 

4 Things You Can Control As A Dad 

5 Things You Cannot Control As A Dad 

4 Ways Fatherhood Teaches You To Let Go Of Control 

4 Kinds of Parental Control Dads Should Use

EXTRAS:

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