A huge part of my recovery has been coming out of denial and part of my denial journey is coming to realize that I am what’s called an Adult Child and then, once I realized that - that more traits of an adult child apply to me than I once believed. This week’s episode 193 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is part 1 of how to know if you’re an adult child- The Laundry List!

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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m reading what is affectionately called The Laundry List- the 14 traits of an adult child and sharing my experience of coming to realize how these traits apply to me- whether they were obvious to me at first or not. 

The 14 traits on The Laundry List include:

1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
4. We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
7. We get guilty feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
8. We became addicted to excitement.
9. We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”
10. We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
13. Alcoholism is a family disease, and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

These are the survival traits we adapted to represent our “false self” and protect ourselves as a result of growing up in a dysfunctional family. If these don’t resonate with you, stay tuned for part 2 where I cover The Other Laundry List.

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LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

The Laundry List 

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