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In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons:

1. President congratulates Jimmy Kimmel on 22 hit years - "Guards, seize him!!"
2. FBI Boss Kash Patel can't find own arse - "Right after I got it handed to me by Congress, too!"
3. Robert Redford's passing met with outpour of grief, fluids - "Gee his acting hit my spot!" says every woman born between 1935 and 2007

Plus more of the worst week in world history since last week: 

• FBI cyber expert William Shakespeare certain Kirk assassin to lover texts not fabricated by old Mormon c*nts - "Yae verily ist that howe doth the ex-MAGA / Groyper / pro-trans kids of twenty and two speaketh they to thineother in the not yet extant state of Utah some 512 years of our Lord, hence...eth"
• King Charles laughs off Trump's Windsor Castle State Dinner speech - "It was nothing compared to the smell!”
• Prince Andrew resumes royal duties as surprise Jimmy Kimmel replacement - "Like on Epstein Island, I just told myself 'you deserve this job'"   
• Trump defends deadly strike on Venezuelan boat that projected Epstein film on Windsor Castle - “Don Jr. confirms it was full of coke. Was,”
• Charlie Kirk bears no grudge for President missing Kennedy Center vigil - "If he could fix the aircon down here in heaven, though, that would be great"
• Instant Experts lawyers exploring if First Amendment covers Australian podcasters hoping one day for re-admission to United States - it’s not looking good
• Washington D.C. film critics savage 'Dude, Where’s My Brendan Carr?" - "An FCC Chairman likes rimming a President. Did we need four hours of it?"
• “Nyet, Nyet, Nyet!” Over pierogis in Bolshoi Ballet private box St Petersburg, conservative podcaster Benny Johnson furiously denies Russian agent allegations 
• Falkirk Wheel US expansion plans - "We'll lift Fountains of Wayne 24m higher!"
• Parsippany NJ listeners upset by Mob joke ask to meet Honk off Route 73
• Princess Katherine offers US Senate "extremely new Epstein Files evidence"
• Eric Trump: Donald is not an absent dad - "Barron met him and says he's nice"
• ANZ unrepentant after $240M fine - "Would it kill one of these corpses to answer an email??"

In the comedy podcast with all the latest news, explained by idiots - The Honk and Henry Lee. (Jimmy Fallon/Seth Meyers ICE Troops Benefit Show running very long)

Saying hi? Email: gday@instantexperts.com.au

Or Leave Us a Voicemail to play on the show, right from our home page: www.instantexperts.com.au 

All complaints to: K$h@norefunds.com (or ask for the Jalapeño Wizard)

Windsor Castle Epstein/Trump Film defs not here: https://youtu.be/cEeSC7hxClQ?si=UwQHGOsapsOxHcam

Produced, mixed, compiled, edited by Junior.  Additional editing by Special Agent Paul Lygamy, FBI Evidence Unit, Salt Lake City - Who are those guys?

Digital design and social media: Guantanamo Babe, Australia - That’s her big idea

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