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In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons:

1. WTF?! Trump says Middle East at peace but the Midwest is a Warzone!
2. Pam Bondi treats the Constitution like Kristi Noem treats dogs - With a bullet in the brain
3. US Government shutdown continues! - Except for steroid-addled Masked Childcatchers keeping the streets safe from priests, fry cooks, gardeners
4. And in sport, Brisbane Broncos beat the cast of Rent in a thriller! - Wests Tigers sacks Rent director immediately

And so much more of the week critics call "worse than Life Of A Showgirl!":

• House Speaker Mike “Throbbin’” Johnson white-knuckles through another week without release - of The Epstein Files.
• Every single Kent resident tunes to Instant Experts - Thanks K*nts for listening!
• So does Darren in Melbourne from the hot tub - "Melissa don’t know what she’s missing!"
• Henry defends his missionary zeal for AOC - “I only watch her for the articles!”
• Trump hits back at dementia claims - “Rainbow! Diapers! I Am The Greatest!”
• Trump spiritual advisor shocked by jail time for abusing underage girls: “I thought it was official White House policy!”
• US-China soybean trade up 100% in September - From zero to nil with f*ck-all somewhere in the middle 
• William 'The Refrigerator' Perry: Footballer or Wrestler? - "At least I ain't no cracka-ass ICE Nazi muthaf**ker!"
• Honk reviews Taylor Swift’s new album - “It’s no Instant Experts that’s for sure”
• Honk also reviews Guns’n’Roses back catalogue - “All their great songs suck. Everyone’s wrong but me!” [Ed.: what we have here is failure to communicate]
• Plus it's Donald Trump v Donald Trump for 'C*nt Of The Week!' - Exactly how big a c*nt can one c*nt be?

In the comedy podcast with all the latest news, explained by idiots - The Honk and Henry Lee (Kash Patel trapped in giant douche canoe).

Saying hi? Email: gday@instantexperts.com.au

Or Leave Us a Voicemail to play on the show, right from our home page: www.instantexperts.com.au 

All complaints to: pam@bondibiatch.com

Produced, mixed, compiled, engineered and edited by Junior 

Additional editing by guy from White House who crossed out all Pam's answers to Senate Judiciary Committee and replaced with "Eat my sh*tstained ***hole!"

Digital design & social media by Guantanamo Babe.

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