Is Your Husband Future Faking? Here’s How To Tell
Description
Husband future faking is when a husband uses promises about the future (trips, counseling, moving, budgets, a baby, “I’ll change”) to control what you do today, delaying consequences, buying time, and keeping access, without producing consistent, verifiable change.
Future faking = promises now, no follow-through later.
- It spikes after discovery (you catch lies, porn, affairs, money issues).
- Real change is quiet, boring, measurable for months, not speeches.
- Protect your safety and watch behavior.
10 Signs Your Husband Is Future Faking
- Vague timelines: “Soon,” “after things calm down,” no date ever sticks.
- You do the labor: You plan/pay while he “tries.” Brief performance, then slide.
- Story keeps shifting: New reasons each week why the plan moved.
- No transparency: Secret devices, hidden accounts, locked phone habits.
- Grand gestures after discovery: Big promise wave right after you find evidence.
- Love-bomb sandwich: Promise → short effort → quiet backslide → new promise.
- Pressure to trust, not verify: You’re “negative” if you ask for proof.
- Budget “tomorrow,” spending “today”: Money talks don’t match transactions.
- Therapy as theater: He “goes to therapy,” but honesty and access never change.
- Your gut stays tense: Your body doesn’t feel safer despite the speeches.
Future Faking vs. Real Change (side-by-side)
<figure class="wp-block-table">
| Future Faking (Control) | Real Change (Safety) |
|---|---|
| Big speeches, airy timelines | He does the thing. |
| You carry logistics & cost | He does it and pays for it. |
| Secret phones/finances | Full access (devices, locations, budget) |
| Mood swings around scrutiny | The thing he said would be done is done. |
| Short “streaks,” then relapse | Months of consistency, verified |
</figure>
To see if it’s real, you don’t need to chase updates. The thing he spoke about will come to fruition without you checking up on it.
Why Husbands Future Fake
- Delay consequences: Pause separation, legal steps, or financial boundaries.
- Maintain access: Home, money, sex, reputation, kids.
- Manage your emotions: Replace your alarm with hope—then run the same play again.
How to Know If He’s Future Faking
Document behavior, not speeches
Create a promise log (date → promise → deadline → outcome → notes). Screenshot texts, calendar invites, bank statements. Patterns beat arguments.
Move from talk to tests
In your mind, move to thinking about observable checkpoints (e.g., “By [date], I’ll check to see if I have access to the bank account.”)
(Notice: no threats, no explanations. You protect your peace and watch behavior.)
Examples of Husband Future Faking
- “We’ll start counseling next month.”
- “I’ll quit porn; you have to trust me.”
- “I’ll fix the money stuff.”
FAQs About Husband Future Faking
Is husband future faking a form of emotional abuse?
Yes. It manipulates your decisions today with promises that rarely materialize, keeping you in harm’s way emotionally.
How long should I wait for “real change”?
Look for months of quiet, consistent, verifiable behavior, without you bringing it up again.
Should I confront him about future faking?
Debate often feeds the cycle. Document, set boundaries, and observe from a safe distance.
Next steps (support that centers your safety)
- Living Free Workshop: step-by-step effective boundaries (thought, action, communication) with practical examples.
- BTR Group Sessions: live, daily online groups to support you.
- Free Emotional Abuse Quiz on btr.org to name what’s happening and get tailored resources.
Transcript: Is Your Husband Future Faking? Here’s How To Tell
Anne: So, I have a member of our community on today’s episode. We’re gonna call her Mackenzie. Welcome.
Mackenzie: So I happened to be at a conference, and there was a wonderful speaker there, and she introduced him. She talked a little bit about his story and sort of a larger context. And she’s a wonderful speaker and writer. She really sold him. So when I met him in person a month later. I had such a favorable impression.
Anne: This happens with people who maybe get set up or people who attend the same congregation or workplace. Where his reputation sort of precedes him. It’s coming from other people, there’s kind of an automatic trust, because other people have vouched for him ahead of you meeting him.
Mackenzie: Absolutely, yeah, when you have multiple solid professionals, people in the public eye. Who have these favorable relationships. There was a counselor, and they were a strong supporter, even financially with some of his work. So there was just a legitimacy.
Early Red Flags of Husband Future Faking
Mackenzie: Is my husband a jerk? And now with the benefit of hindsight, and more than a decade later, I can see that he carefully crafted this image. At least at the time I met him, he had done a pretty good job of it. He had obtained some prestigious fellowships. You know, you’re like, how did I not see it? But the truth is, how did they not see it? I was new in that space with important people surrounding him, and he really exploited that.
I felt a little awestruck that he and I would have a conversation. Our relationship developed because he reached out and asked me to be part of these different groups. I think he added me on social media, and sent me a message. He started to ask me to do things, and I think that’s really important, because it was a low time in my life. And feeling like I could make a difference for a cause greater than myself was appealing.
I was at the tail end of being part of a religious group, and I was looking for a place to belong. You hear a story of suffering, pain, and injustice. Regardless of the origin of the story, there’s a tenancy toward wanting to help. He wanted to use my speaking and writing skills for his organization. Kind of an informal, volunteer sort of thing. We would have different touch points, whether it was like a meeting, action or activity. He was definitely orchestrating the crossing of paths.
How Husband Future Faking Lures You In (Moving In, Promises, and Red Flags)
Mackenzie: I was taking the LSAT. I had ambitions of being a lawyer. I think he felt that between my skills with writing, speaking, and then studying the law, I would be really helpful. Whether it was can you write this grant proposal for me? When you’re a good writer, it’s apparently an in demand skill that not great people want to access for themselves.
It was a perfect storm. I had no idea what I was getting involved with, none. Never in my wildest dreams did I believe that a person who presented like this could use other people around them to cover up. I was really, really conflicted when he showed interest.
Anne: Talk more about the conflict you experienced.
Mackenzie: He claimed he and his ex spouse had attorneys working on their case. We are separated, it’s nearly done. I was so naive. He began to ask me, do you want to live with me in this fancy high rise apartment downtown? He didn’t live there, and he never ended up living there. Because he was future faking.
Anne: Also, there’s probably some manipulation in terms of flattery. This person everybody else says is amazing, thinks I’m worth his attention. And this is how good they are at manipulation.
Mackenzie: Yeah, it’s true. I wasn’t in need of anything from him. But I was lonely. I moved in with him. I had never had intercourse before. And I had my own career.
Around the time I was like, it’s just not working. It’s just toxic. Too much conflict. I found out I was expecting my child. And I was raised in an environment where a two parent family is everything.
Discovering the Truth: When Husband Future Faking Turns Into Betrayal
Makenzie: I was trying my hardest to make that work for what I believed was the right thing for my child. I even remember like a physical change in mysel
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