For anyone under the age of 50, that phrase was made famous by The Three Stooges in their 1934 Academy Award-nominated short entitled “Men in Black.”

Louisiana’s football fans are starting to feel like they are under the care of those three lovable-but-inept doctors in the past two weeks.

We have covered LSU’s recent firing of the $54 million man, Brian Kelly.

Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry took to the media’s microphones last week to add his thoughts on the LSU coaching conundrum.  The Governor vocalized his displeasure about Coach Kelly’s generous exit provisions as part of an employment agreement made with LSU (under a previous governor’s administration, of course).

Indeed, LSU’s football coach will be walking out the door with a wheelbarrow full of Jed Clampett-sized cash.  

Whale doggies, indeed!

Last week also brought the firing of LSU’s Director of Athletics, Scott Woodward.  You might remember that Woodward was hailed as the person able to hire Coach Brian Kelly away from Notre Dame.  The new coach was rewarded for moving to Baton Rouge with that very lucrative 10-year contract worth nearly $100 million.

Coach Kelly’s contract buyout is going to cost $54 million.  Don’t forget that former AD Scott Woodward’s contract buyout adds another $6 million to the exit fee tab.

By the end of last week, Louisiana State University was operating with an interim President, an interim Athletics Director (Verge Ausberry), and an interim head football coach (running backs coach Frank Wilson).

Did someone say “operating”?  “Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard!”

On Tuesday, LSU announced the hiring of a new university president.

Former McNeese State University president Wade Rousse (pronounced “Roos”) was announced as the new CEO at a press conference.  Rousse was considered by many to be the favorite choice of Louisiana governor Jeff “I’m not Huey Long II” Landry.

Within hours, the internet rumor mill circulated that LSU’s brand new President was planning to quickly remove the “interim” title from the school’s current Director of Athletics, Verge Ausberry.

That made two solid moves by LSU in a matter of one week.

LSU’s coaching hire is going to be a lot trickier and will receive a lot more scrutiny

Dr. Rousse (whose PhD was earned in Economics) and LSU’s new AD Verge Ausberry must now collaborate to find and select a critical hire to direct LSU’s football program.  They will be closely watched by Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry and media pundits willing to pounce on any missteps by the new Dynamic Duo at LSU.

The Governor expects (a) a winner who will (b) do a better job at recruiting and (c) coach football better than Brian Kelly for (d) a lot less money and (e) for a shorter contract term.

The new football coach must fit this rather precise “needle-in-a-haystack” wish list by LSU.

I actually believe it is possible for LSU to find and sign such a person. 

The school’s new management tandem (trio – if you include the Governor) must do a lot of research and stick with their game plan.

It would be wise to stay away from the greedy agents who push the latest and greatest (translated: most expensive for the longest term) currently successful football coach.

Someone like – perhaps – Ole Miss coach Lane “Please beg me to come to LSU” Kiffin

I think Lane Kiffin has been a perfect fit at Ole Miss.

Those with 20/20 hindsight believe that LSU would have fared better had the Tigers hired Kiffin instead of a well-intended Midwesterner named Brian Kelly in 2022.

Pursuing Lane “Did you know I make $9 million per season?” Kiffin will cost LSU even more money than Brian Kelly’s $10 million per year.

Coach Kiffin (or any other college football coach not named Nick Saban) cannot guarantee any more wins than Brian Kelly was able to deliver annually to Bayou Bengal fans.  Kelly’s dour personality didn’t help him build a bond with the massive base of loyal LSU fans.

The next LSU coach needs to be much more like affable former LSU coach Ed Orgeron and more down-to-earth than the attorney-like Brian Kelly.  The success of LSU’s next coach will be defined by winning but also his ability to connect with athletes and fans in this football-crazy state.

The selection of Dr. Rousse (a Louisiana native who grew up in Golden Meadow) and Verge Ausberry (who hails from New Iberia and was a former linebacker on the LSU football team) seems like a good pairing as they try to jump-start LSU’s football rehabilitation process.

In soap opera style, these questions remain:

Can these two gentlemen find the right person to become the newest head coach of LSU – and keep the state’s meddling Governor happy?

Will they find someone who has a love for the state and can (figuratively) put a fence around Louisiana’s talented high school football prospects?

Can the newest football coach quickly return LSU into contention for the College Football Playoffs in the next year or two?

Stay tuned!

Meanwhile, in New Orleans (well, Metairie to be exact)…

The NFL’s New Orleans Saints were humiliated 34-10 on the road by the Los Angeles Rams Sunday afternoon.

This newest incarnation of the Aints (remember to decorate your paper bag to wear while watching the next game!) collected only ten first downs Sunday compared to 30 for the Rams.  Los Angeles ran 77 plays for 438 yards of offense compared to just 40 plays and a miserable 224 yards in total offense for New Orleans.

Time of possession?  Los Angeles had the ball for nearly 44 minutes to just 16 minutes for the Saints.

Sunday’s loss was a complete and utter disaster for New Orleans.

“Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard!!!”

The 1-8 Saints are tied for last place in the NFL with the terrible Tennessee Titans and are just ½ game worse than the woebegone 1-7 New York Jets.

Unlike the LSU