DiscoverTopic LordsLook At An Octopus While You Shower
Look At An Octopus While You Shower

Look At An Octopus While You Shower

Update: 2020-06-29


Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early!

This is the show we recorded live at Duckfest 2020!




  • Plugging an activity nobody but you can do.

  • Eating trash out of the dumpster and fighting over dead skunk carcasses.

  • Recognizing jerks and being rude to them.

  • Feeding tiny bento boxes to nearby ravens.

  • Mobbing random strangers to demand a tiny bento box.

  • The ravens constantly pooping on your shoulders but it's ok because it's just your work shirt.

  • Meeting your shitting on things quota.

  • Befriending Odin's ravens and becoming Odin.

  • Being the one who operates firearms in this relationship.

  • Replacing taxes with a mobile game targeted at Elon Musk.

  • Elon Musk being defeated at a PVP mobile game by a seven year old in a Tinkerbell outfit and deciding he doesn't like the game any more so the company forms a team whose only job is to lose to Elon Musk.

  • Creating a GoFundMe to pay your rent while you save the world.

  • Whether Jenni is the raven or the game designer in her relationship.

  • Sharing DNA implying shared consent.

  • Explaining parents.

  • How consent works with conjoined twins.

  • All three hosts having a different interpretation of the listener's question.

  • Puzzles created in the before-times where if you solve them you see the face of god and then die.

  • Cool ways to die in video games.

  • A game that is great for people who have a lot of free time and don't have a child.

  • Requesting ideas for sea monster themed bathroom decorations and getting answers six months after you finished remodeling you bathroom.

  • A plunger shaped like a tentacle where the plunging part is just a huge suction cup.

  • All of your failings as a wife being forgiven by your ability to use a firearm.

  • Not knowing how to safely use a gun so you just kick it down the hill.

  • Guarding the coast from sea monsters but not being allowed to talk about it.

  • A shower curtain shaped like an octopus so you can paint a negative space octopus out of water all over the bathroom.

  • Failing to plan your sister's bachelorette party and she's still waiting to get married eight years later.

  • A COVID-19 Zoom Bachelorette Party eight years in the making.

  • Having a Mukbang instead of a bachelorette party.

  • Whether or not a pirate is a sea monster.

  • Marrying an indie game developer for the money.

  • Messaging your future husband on OkCupid because he thinks about Arnold Schwarzenegger wiping his ass a lot.

  • Being a piler of things.

  • Owing your wife a game about trolls but first having to train your son to be a game artist.

  • Skipping a step and having your child draw directly on the fridge.

  • Being asked to do something about the badger bothering people on the beach and making a joke about the badger badgering people.

  • The consequences of your county's limited animal control budget.

  • A badger hiding underneath the bench in the changing room.

  • Catching a badger with a dog catching stick even though it's not a dog at all.

  • Having a badger at the end of a stick.

  • What they call closets in the park district.

  • Riding in the back of a pickup truck wrangling a badger between your legs.

  • Carrying around a rattlesnake from a picnic area by putting it in a garbage bag and the snake repeatedly biting through the bag with venom dripping through the holes.

  • Restraining a snake inside your esophagus until you're ready to release it.

  • Latin being way older than the girl scouts.

  • Moving a snake with a steam shovel.

  • Only moving snakes where if you accidentally slice them in half they become two snakes.

  • A toddler smashing a drinking glass on the kitchen floor and saying "mess!"

  • Your child's milestones coming with commensurate levels of danger.

  • Hitting the ground with 1/10ths of the force as your dad when you fall.

  • Talking only about animals on this episode and the animal expert heckling you from the Discord.

  • The glass-like quality of a White Spotted Clearwing becoming revealed against the dappled light of the forest understory.

  • Making sure your transparent wings don't reflect light by covering them with nanopillars.

  • The butterfly not getting a cut of your profits from the invention you based on its wing design.

Support Topic Lords

In Channel
Download from Google Play
Download from App Store








Sleep Timer


End of Episode

5 Minutes

10 Minutes

15 Minutes

30 Minutes

45 Minutes

60 Minutes

120 Minutes

Look At An Octopus While You Shower

Look At An Octopus While You Shower

Jim Stormdancer