Play along at home with the lyrics:

[Intro]
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you, yeah

[Verse 1]
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need (And I)
Don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace (Ah)
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas Day

[Chorus]
I just want you for my own (Ooh)
More than you could ever know (Ooh
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You, baby

[Verse 2]
Oh, I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow (And I)
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick (Ah)
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click

[Chorus repeat]

[Bridge]
Oh, all the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere (So brightly, baby)
And the sound of children's Laughter fills the air (Oh, oh yeah)
And everyone is singing (Oh yeah)
I hear those sleigh bells ringing (Oh)
Santa, won't you bring me the one I really need?
(Yeah, oh, oh)
Won't you please bring my baby to me?

[Verse 3]
Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for (Ah)
I just wanna see my baby
Standing right outside my door

[Chorus repeat]

[Outro]
You, baby All I want for Christmas is you, baby (You)
All I want for Christmas is you, baby (Ah, oh, ah, oh)
All I want for Christmas is you, baby (You)
All I want for Christmas is you, baby (All I really want, baby, ooh)
All I want for Christmas is you, baby (All I want, all I really want is you)

Jump to section:

(00:11 ) Pretty short introduction

(00:30 ) Christmas cracker/bon-bon jokes

(07:45 ) Mariah Carey = Merry Christmas

(09:43 ) The price of wanting you for Christmas

(13:01 ) Wasted presents under the tree

(15:35 ) Rental terms or ownership?

(16:22 ) Wish-slacktivism

(16:58 ) Purpose, hunger, skins

(17:54 ) The music videos and spin-offs

(22:57 ) Fertility struggles

(25:30 ) Sad scenes, bargaining, deals, Bee Gees

(27:54 ) TAKEN VII: the Revenge

(30:06 ) Get straight with Santa

(22:29 ) Flirting with evil

(36:01 ) Deep dive on Saint Nicholas, Necromancer

(39:01 ) Murder and/or manslaughter

(43:43 ) Reindeer click (singular?)

(45:29 ) Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

(47:42 ) Other theories from the internet

(50:34 ) Misheard lyrics

(51:30 ) Notable trivia and legal wrangles

(56:26 ) Surprise AI song #178

(01:00:04 ) Farewells

Would you like to appear (well, vocally) on the show? Do you have a pop song or ear-worm from the SMOOTH FM genre that’s infested your mind and needs to be investigated? Visit this page ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://speakpipe.com/lyrics⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to record us your own voicemail hot-take on your specific smooth song of suckiness. You could be on a future episode! (you can always email sound files or text your thoughts to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠poidadavis@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ if that's easier). Cheers!

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Sound clips are included for educational reference, criticism, satire and parody in fair use. Clips remain the property of the respective rights holder and no endorsement is implied. All information and opinion is performed and expressed in-character and does not reflect reality or genuine commentary on any persons (living or dead), bands or other organisations, or their works, and is not recommended listening for anyone, anywhere.