Mira Kirshenbaum | The Biggest Myth About Arguments & How to Deal With Finances In A Relationship
In today’s episode, we cover relationships and conflict resolution with Mira Kirshenbaum. Mira is the author of eleven books, the co-founder and clinical director of The Chestnut Hill Institute in Boston, an internationally recognized center for research and psychotherapy for couples, families and individuals, and has been a workshop leader and trainer for medical professionals at Harvard Medical School and other institutions.
Despite what Hollywood tells us, relationships are not easy and are not always pleasant, so why do couples fight, how do we resolve conflicts in a way that both partners can be satisfied with the outcome, and how do we reframe love in the 21st century to be a reasonable goal we can work toward?
What to Listen For
- Why Do Couples Fight - 1:57
- Why do couples fight and what do you need to stop doing to prevent future fights?
- Why do we imitate the power moves of our parents in our own relationships?
- What does it mean to feel disempowered in a relationship?
- How do people use distance to hurt their significant other and what can we do to overcome that?
- The 8 Core Experiences of Love - 11:00 (starts with AJ saying, “When we think about fights…”)
- What should you do everyday to build and maintain healthy relationships with the people you care about?
- What does it mean to be fair in a relationship?
- What question should you ask to find out how best to support your significant other when you’re not sure what to do?
- What does it mean to show respect for your significant other?
- Is passion a one time thing in a relationship, or is it cyclical?
- Conflict Resolution in Relationships - 28:30 (starts with AJ saying, “Now we had Annie Duke on our show…”)
- How can you use quantification to solve arguments in your relationships?
- What is the 1-2-3 method and how can you use it to stop arguments from blowing up?
- What questions can you ask your partner to better understand their concerns about an issue you two are facing?
- What are the 2 magic questions you should always be ready to ask when you and your partner are facing an issue?
- What can you do to handle the financial side of a relationship so it doesn’t ruin a great partnership?
- What do power moves look like that revolve around money?
- Reframing Love in the 21st Century - 46:00
- What is the biggest myth about love in modern times and what can we do to reframe love so it is not based on fairy tales?
- How much work is necessary for maintaining a successful relationship?
- What are the 4 kinds of relationships and what can you learn from them so you know what to avoid in the future?
- What are the most important steps to take and conversations to have before you have children?
Relationships are often portrayed as the happy ending and the beginning of a trouble-free life filled with love and affection. But any healthy relationship is going to take a lot of work and communication - they don’t just happen. People are too different from one another to be able to come to a quick & easy agreement on everything. We all have different beliefs, thoughts, and expectations about love and relationships, and even life. We must be willing to learn about each other and if you want a relationship to last, both of you must put in the work to maintain it.
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Resources from this Episode
Why Couples Fight by Mira Kirshenbaum
Check in with AJ and Johnny!
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