DiscoverManHeartedPlease Talk Like a Man—Bogey, Don Draper, and Rhett Butler
Please Talk Like a Man—Bogey, Don Draper, and Rhett Butler

Please Talk Like a Man—Bogey, Don Draper, and Rhett Butler

Update: 2021-06-06
Share

Description

Tired of circuitous speech, vocal fry, upspeak, endless qualifiers, and the word "like" in every sentence? Asher goes through examples of categorical speech from Mad Men, Humphrey Bogart movies, and Gone With the Wind. He calls for us to embrace rather than fear ManHearted communication. Asher argues current, fashionable speech patterns and fad-banter lacks heart, soul, and brains.

Personally, I've always chafed at walking around on eggshells versus using plain blunt speech, which is itself a speech pattern. And we've taught a generation of adults that ingratiating apologetic, cautious circuitous in making a point language is more adult. So imagine if Rhett Butler had said possibly Scarlet, and I'm not saying this is like the only way to like look at it, but I don't so much care as maybe you would like hear that question at the end. Or what if bogey said, I feel like maybe I shouldn't have a hundred percent change from scotch to like martinis, and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with martinis, but I'm not going to talk like that. I hope you're not going to talk like that. And I think something fundamental is missing when we force ourselves into that external shell, that if we're truly adults, instead of using plain direct blunt speech, we have to be so circuitous that we can't be understood.

One of my favorite films is lay on the professional. And by the way, if you have not seen the international version, which is called lay on the professional, if the only one you've seen as the American bowel, the rise cut down safe, nice version called the professional. You haven't seen the movie. Everyone else in the world is seeing one with three scenes that haven't been cut out for our safety and protection, which are kind of stupid. And it's a different topic, but I encourage you to watch the uncut version for a variety of reasons. We can talk about if we ever address the topic of film, which I'm sure we will lay on the professional. You know, it's got Natalie Portman and John Reno and Gary Oldman as the dirty DEA agent the mega villain, et cetera. And I just love this, you know, he's, he's just gotten through eliminating an entire family along with his crew of agents in a busy apartment building.

And so they hear sirens and everybody says, ah, let's leave. And he says to one of his guys, you stay here. So the police are coming out. Yeah, you stay here. What should I tell him? He says, tell them I was doing my job. I love it. It's that simple. There's not that he didn't say like, just kind of convey that like we were, you know, in the process of trying to be pre none of that crap, he said the words, and you could say this is because it's movies, but I think that movies reflect the intention of a culture and the model that we're holding up for the kinds of people that we want to be. And I've seen a distinct evolution in movies and in popular media, in song, in film, in literature and in every other venue in political speech on Twitter and Twitter demands that you now it's 320 characters, but it used to be 140 demands that you be terrorist.

And we still see people mostly not saying it anything because they may Andrew to get to the point. I love it. When the police do confront Gary Oldman, his character says, I have time for this Mickey mouse. So I want to do a quick tour of some of the lines that we've come to know and love if you're my age or even 10, 15 years younger than me, or you're really young and just have a fancy for the kinds of film and TV that I like. So in other words, if you like things like Humphrey Bogart, you know, Maltese, Falcon, and you, you see in those some signs of what we might call or universally understand to be manhood. If you like that kind of stuff like me, then you're going to recognize some of these lines. Let's start with Rhett Butler. Because I actually think that a Rhett Butler does not get as much play as the classic tough guy, classic male icon as he should.

And it's all because what, you know, it's a deep Southern campy romance, a Gothic romance, et cetera. And I think there's a lot to look at when it comes to Rhett Butler. So obviously we all know the line, frankly, my dear, I don't give a classic, epic, clear. There's nothing to trim in that statement. And I'm not arguing for brevity. I think a lot of people that like to quote Shakespeare brevity is the soul of wit forget that it was a moron in Shakespeare's play. That said that the guy, not only was it brief, he went on and on and on. It was comedy. His point was that he was Witless. So I don't give a lot of credence to it. I think if you have something to say, use the words necessary to convey the substance of your point. But frankly, my dear, I don't give a, it's a lean phrase.

There's nothing to remove. I don't give a it's like, off. It's just that you can't say that in gone with the wind, right? You should be kissed. And often by someone who knows how love that, if you've ever just wanted to look into a woman's eyes and tell you exactly what you felt, this is a, a more artful way of saying it. But you don't have to artful to be plainspoken and direct. How about this? God helped a man who really ever loves you you'll break his heart by darling. I've said that. Sure. Some of you have with enough courage do without a reputation. That's my favorite line. Let's switch to Bogart his line. The problem with the world is everyone is a few drinks behind, you know, what people would reject about that phrase today. They would reject the idea that it's categorical, it's unqualified.

It expresses an opinion without buffering it with, I kind of sort of feel or putting the word like in so that somebody understands. You're just portraying your own personalized take on things. The problem with the world is like, I don't know, everyone is sort of like, you know, like a few drinks like behind. You have to ask it as a question too, because you're not allowed to be sure of yourself. Imagine Bogart, not sure for himself, but he says, I always cry at weddings, especially my own. That kind of stuff is seen as toxic now. And I'm thinking the guy knows what he thinks. He knows what he wants. He knows what he's going to do. He knows how he sees you. He has an understanding of himself and how he sees the world. You can't berate generation of men for a lack of self knowledge and then criticized the behavior that is indicative of that self knowledge.

When he says, I should have never switched from scotch to Martinez. It's a given that it's an opinion. He doesn't say in my opinion, I kind of, sort of, it doesn't have to say it's an opinion. He can just say the thing itself and skip the line I gave up drinking. It was the worst afternoon. My life, same expression. You're not a star until they can spell your name and Karachi. He doesn't qualify that with, oh, I, I'm not saying anything in particular about Karachi. And I hope this isn't racist. He doesn't sit around hoping it isn't racist. He says what he thinks and lets the chips fall where they may acting is like sex. You either do it and don't talk about it or you talk about it and don't do it. That's why I'm always suspicious of people who talk too much about either.

This is a guy who's saying, look, I size up the world and filter pretty quickly. Here's my filter. He didn't ask you if you liked it. He didn't put a question mark on the end to see if you found it was acceptable or to ensure that you're on the same page. Paris is for lovers. Maybe that's why I only stayed 35 minutes. Very similar for the wedding line. Remember in Casa Blanca where I think the guy's name is [inaudible] or something like that. And he says, you despise me don't you and Rick, which is Bogart says, if I gave you any thought, I probably would. He does a buffer. He does a qualify. He doesn't worry that someone might be listening. He doesn't say, well, I'm not saying you're bad. The person who [inaudible]. And I think you get my point. So a few other lines from bogey, just because you can never get enough bogey.

And if you can, you haven't seen enough of his movies. It's such a lot of guns around town and so few brains. So he just called somebody more on without having to apologize. I stick my neck out for nobody. Great philosophy of life summed up in one sentence. If you can't sell me your philosophy of life up in a sentence, you haven't thought about it enough. If you can. I don't care what I don't care. If you say, hell is other people. From my point of view, you have a point of view and you're sticking with it. I admire that more than a guy that means Andrews for half an hour. And I still don't know what he said. Here's looking at you kid. When's the last time you heard a man stand up and give a toast that made any sense and was catchy memorable.

That kind of thing. I, it comes out of a pattern of speech that you have to develop before you stand up with a drink in your hand, if you're not that kind of guy your toast is going to be lame. So a couple of other observations let's get into Don Draper with a guy. I like Don Draper. The philosophy is sort of on steroids. He says how he sees the world without saying that you have to see the world the same way, but it's clear when you listen to Draper mad men. If you have a watch mad men that he doesn't care. If you agree, if you see the world differently, he still thinks he's right. I've heard that before. You know, what's offensive about the way you talk is that you think you're right. Well, if I thought I was wrong, I would change my mind.

If I thought I wasn't right. I wouldn't say it in the first place. If I walk around and it'd be Willard fog where everything I think is hypothetical. I don't know anything for sure. I live in a world of neolistic uncertainty and moral relativism and all I can say as well, I don't really know, but I kind of a hundred. I'm not a hundred percent sure, but I kind of sorta thing. If I have to do that with everything, it begs the question of why have a tongue? Just if I tongue offend the, cut it out, just get rid of it and stop talking. God, we can't listen to you. So here's Don Draper and his best success comes from standing out. Not fitting in. That's not a question. There's never a question in Don Draper's tone. You're born alone. You die alone. This world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts.

Again, just a categorical statement. Well, I hate to break it to you, but there's no big lie. There's no system. The universe is indifferent. You get the impression. This is a guy that will look at a little girl with a lollipop who says, you know, everything will work out in the end. Magic saves the day and love conquers. All right? He's like, I hate to break it to your kid. He says things like you can't tell people what they want. It has to be what you want. That's not a strategy. That's two strategies connected by the word. And he's critical without wasting your time. If he thinks what you're saying is. He just says that he then moves on. I have a life and it only goes in one direction forward. There's his statement of focus. There's his philosophical statement. Everything comes out of that.

If you listen to that one statement and then listen to all the other statements, they could be sub bullets in an outline. You tell them the next thing will be better because it always is. You tell them I don't have time for this Mickey mouse. Tell them I was doing my job. People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be. It's not just a way of speaking. Is it? You begin to wonder if maybe the way of speaking comes from a way of thinking, maybe clarity of thought terseness of thought. Maybe thoughts without having the burden of multiple calls back to your cerebrum to qualify. Make sure no one's offended. Make sure you've included every possibility. So they're immune from deconstruction. Make sure that all the different possible mental audiences you have as they heard it, they're going to be okay with it.

Make sure even then you kind of subjectify it because you're convinced that you can't know anything for certain, maybe thinking like that produces the kind of speech patterns I'm criticizing. And maybe thinking with clarity like Don Draper produces the kind of speech pattern we're hearing change is neither good or bad. It's simply is this is a guy that looks at a thing as though that thing is the thing he sees. We're really here right now. This is really a we're having this conversation. The table is real in front of me. You're actually sitting in your chair and your car wherever you are. Don Draper says, people want to be told what to do so badly that they'll listen to anyone and you get that. He's not just holding to his position, but he understands Jane's that there's a, a way of looking at life that is opposite.

His, that is out there that he rejects to accept a premise is to reject a new. And, and he essentially says that subjectivism that system of believers things, because you want to, that's the thing I reject. I want to switch gears a minute because many of you are probably going to write in to the comment section on the website and which is man hearted.com and suggest some other quotes. And I want to give you a little bit of perspective because I know what I'm going to hear. Some of these feel free to white, write what you want, but I'm going to probably hear the lane, tough guy quotes. Oh, go ahead. Make my day dirty Harry, I'll be back Arnold Schwartzenegger Yippiekiyay. At some point, those words work in a backdrop of explosions. They only work in a scene where the guy's about to leap off of a precipice or fire a machine gun.

Those words require bullets. The other guys were our bullets. And that I think is a fundamental difference. I'm going to shift to some examples of the way people speak from political culture, because I find that kind of interesting. And we all know that speech writers hand them speeches and they read prepared comments and so on. And they're better that way. Even Donald Trump can sound semi-literate if somebody hands him a speech and a teleprompter and waves, cotton candy behind the teleprompter so that he has something, you know, or there. Geez. So he has something to look at. I'm going to pick on, okay. Casio, Cortez AOC for a second. Don't worry. I'll hit Ted Cruz right after that. But for now, this is not about which side of the political aisle you're on. I don't really care but much like Donald Draper. People want to be told what to do so badly.

They'll listen to anyone. What I'm saying is listen to how this sounds versus the stuff we just heard. So Casio, Cortez, thank you. Madam speaker. I'd also like to thank many of my colleagues. Blah-Blah-Blah about two days ago, I was walking up the steps of the Capitol representative. Yo-Yo suddenly turned a corner and he was accompanied by representative Roger Williams and accosted me on the steps right here in front of our nation's Capitol. I was minding my own business, walking up the steps and representative Johann, put his finger in my face. He called me disgusting. He called me crazy. He called me out of my mind and he called me dangerous. Then he took a few more steps. And after I had recognized his comments as rude, he walked away and said, I'm rude. You're calling me rude. I took a few steps ahead and I walked inside and cast my vote because my constituents send me here each and every day to fight for them and to make sure they're able to keep a roof over their head and they'll be able to feed their families and that they're able to carry their lives with dignity.

I walked back out there really she's going back for a second dip. I walked back out and there were reporters in the front of the Capitol. And in front of reporters, representative, yo-yo called me and I quote a. These were the words that representative Johann levied against a Congresswoman the Congressman that not only represents and it goes on and on because all of us have to deal with this in some form, some way some shape. And he really had to say it three times. You choose any two words that anyway some shape at some point in our lives, I want to be clear that representative yo, whose comments were not deeply hurtful or piercing to me because I had worked a working class job. I've waited tables in restaurants. I've written the sub. Really she's going to cite the subway. I've written the subway.

I've walked streets in New York city and this kind of language is not new. So it's the language you don't like. Which one? The word or the word. Cause either one of those, we're going to say on this show frequently, that's it by saying this kind of language is not new to me. You are offended by it. You don't even have the Coneys to say the truth, which is I was bothered by that because that'll make you look weak. And you know, I've encountered words uttered by Mr C. She's still going on about the words. I've encountered words uttered by Mr. Yoyo and men uttering the same words. Here we go. Triple dip on the words as Mr. Yoyo, while I was being harassed in restaurants, I have tossed men out of bars that have used language. Here we go forth. DEP like Mr.

Yohan, I have encountered this type of harassment, riding the subway way in New York. This is not new. And that is the problem, blah, blah, blah. And on it goes not only a far cry from Yippiekiyay, which she should have just said in the guy's face, when he called her a bet, she should have looked at him and said yet PKA. That would have been epic. That would have been a soundbite, right? But instead, listen, Don Draper, I have a life and it only goes in one direction forward. Why can't you talk in one direction forward? Don't quadruple dip on the same point again. And again, God, it's annoying. We have to learn how to be. Plain-Spoken say what we mean, say what we think without qualifying. You know, that thing, you make a statement like in some way in some, at some point in some form, all of which means the same thing.

You're saying it because you don't want to commit to any one phrase and you want to make sure you cover all the bases rather than just take a breath, choose your words, pick what you want to say. And if you mean, you, I'm going to be the worst of your nightmares. Say that. And don't back off. Don't say I kind of sort of feel don't qualify. Don't say what I mean by that is your worst nightmare as a. And what I mean by that is I'm going to you out until it's a nightmare. Just pick one. All right. Let's pick on Ted Cruz. It, isn't hard to pick on Ted Cruz. I mean, AOC can take it right? You can beat up AOC and Twitter all day long. She just comes back for more. I feel sorry for Ted. I mean, cause it's so embarrassing after the whole thing, the ASCA with going to Cancun to watch him hang his head and blame his daughters and then blame his wife and then relay a message back to us that my wife's not very happy about you reporting.

I mean, you know, this is a guy that gets sent to the store for milk at 11 o'clock at night, because we want to make sure we have some for our frosted flakes. He's bullied, he's cowed. He can't say no. And of course, who's he going to blame? You know, the wife sent me, it's not fault for Ted. So he's at the C pack conference. And you know, this is right after the point where people are going freedom, freedom. You know, if you're a Scotsman and you're not offended that they ripped off William Wallace and made it chincy here, then you should be William would would have stuck a sword right through that guy. Ted has going on, listen to William Wallace. And let me tell you, the media here looks the men and women gathered here at the young people gathered here as dangerous radicals, the rebel Alliance and Vader and the...

Comments 
00:00
00:00
x

0.5x

0.8x

1.0x

1.25x

1.5x

2.0x

3.0x

Sleep Timer

Off

End of Episode

5 Minutes

10 Minutes

15 Minutes

30 Minutes

45 Minutes

60 Minutes

120 Minutes

Please Talk Like a Man—Bogey, Don Draper, and Rhett Butler

Please Talk Like a Man—Bogey, Don Draper, and Rhett Butler

Asher Black