Man touches himself at a Kum and Go. Wife punched husband to death for not taking her to Dubai.

Serial Pringles can pooper caught. Russian prisoners forced to listen to Bon Jovi and Moby.

Dog farmers threaten to release 2 million dogs. Space flight causes erectile dysfunction.

McDonald's bans teenagers after 6pm. Men break into closed jail, lock themselves in a cell, call 911

Floridaman gets naughty on neighbor's porches. Floridaman assaults his wife with Oreo cookies.

Daryl Hall gets restraining order against John Oates. Hospitals remove crucifixes after attacks.

Drunken Taco Bell Holiday orgy anyone? Brown Friday is the a plumber's Thanksgiving nightmare.

Helicopters create crocodile orgies? Hospital released the wrong dead bodies to families.

Floridaman poops on a dead possum in public. Woman shoots her sugardaddy in front of his girlfriend.

Christian Furries judged for being Christian? Marathon runner banned for using a car in a race.

Horse gets loose on board a plane. Boy attends his own murder hearing to prove he's in fact alive.

Santa gets a DUI while driving kids on Santa's Train. Murderer released from prison for obesity.

Daycare workers ran children's fight club. CVS replaces toilet paper with pictures of toilet paper.

Disney has a "Poop Hallway". Floridaman takes a bath with his 5 alligators.

Hiker brings home deadly snake to show the kids. Catholic Church warning about fake priests.

Snake Pizza offered by the Hut. Robot worker kills another human and the robot wars begin!

People with tattoos commit more crimes, study says. Cocaine Hippos of Columbia are a problem.

Naked house cleaner is very trusting. man not allowed to wear Gimp suit and hump the street.

Florida police warn of the Booty Patrol. Buy a new roof, get free AR-15 and a free turkey.

Volcano owners not liable for visitor safety. Offensive bird names will be replaced by nice ones.