S4E1 - That Smell
April 3: DAVE, Johnny, and DAVE
Dave puts together a “Fan Letter” to send to the guy at the bar that wanted our schedule. In honesty, the “Fan Magazine” is really a flyer for a drummer. Dave sets out to the local music stores and tacks up the flyer. While he is there he gets a few numbers. In calling the first number (guy looking for a country/oldies rock band) Dave finds “Dave” who just moved to the area from Tennessee. Sounds like a real country boy. He sounds hungry for a band. Unfortunately, he lives near new Philadelphia (deep south Ohio). Meanwhile, Kevin has finally made contact of Johnny Rodregous. Johnny is the drummer of a band called “Little Country.” It’s nice to have prospects. Dave also has another number to use if needed. John on the other hand has now received a call from Glen at the Tangled Spur. Glen has talked to this guy, and he wants in the band. The drummer again named “DAVE” was in the house band at the tangled spur.
“Tennessee Dave” will be coming over this Tuesday to audition. Unfortunately, Seth will be having his wisdom teeth pulled this weekend and may not be functional by Tuesday. He’s really worried about “going under the knife.” John will be moving into his new house in Boliver this weekend.
April 7: Tennessee Dave Stinks
Dave walks in behind John. Tennessee Dave has beat everyone to the house. As Dave and John move towards the stairs, they hear the sound of a dead groundhog being thrown into a fan (thump, chunk, gutta, whack). Dave voices, “that didn’t sound to good” to which John mutters, “maybe he is tuning up.”
Tennessee Dave (who will be referred to as TD) is one eager beaver. He’s really nervous. To make it easy on him, we let him pick the first song. He picks Margaritaville. While not exactly a hugely technical piece, we will be able to test his meter. The song starts and TD takes off. While his meter isn’t too bad. He is playing some kind of “cha-cha beat” on acid. The band mentally scratches its head.
The launch into another song. It’s official he sucks. He says he has been playing for 17 years. Apparently, he plays one day a year. The band launches into Grundy County Auction - at warp speed.
Kevin and Dave giggle as they try to keep up with the pace.
The meaning behind the looks as the band glances at each other is priceless. TD makes remarks between songs that make Lee’s comments sound like he was related to Einstein (more head scratching). TD is into Merril Haggard.
The crowning touch was as we did “Fast as You.” It was just awful. As John put it, “I don’t think he could hold his meter for more than a measure.” He was really making Lee look good. Dave usually ready to blast off, cuts the lead short. That’s how bad he sucked. Realizing the practice was a waste, the band plays The Dance ala Maggot brain. At least we all get a good chuckle.
We also get a good whiff. Dave was curious before we started to play, but it’s official now. Not only does TD suck on the drums, HE SMELLS. NOW WHAT DO WE DO? The band politely interviews him (realizing that Hell is not freezing over, and he’s not getting hired). Seth had left after two or three songs to attend to his diarrhea (thanks for sharing). TD strums Dave’s guitar and sings. Dave just wants to scream IT’S OVER! YOU SUCK. HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW YOU SUCK?!! Kevin and John remain polite. Dave is trying to send the body language to get this guy out and let's make some phone calls. The band finally gets the hint when Dave starts turning off the lights. He finally leaves. Wow, that was a truly memorable experience.
April 14: No Luck
Dave and Kevin have been phoning different numbers they have picked up, but can’t get anyone to return their calls. Oh well.
April 21: Good News Bad News
Dave gets a call from Kevin. We have a drummer coming over tomorrow. This relieves Dave who was getting ready to resurrect the “Magic Drummer” tape. The interesting news is that it’s Dale from page 3.
On May 16th Dale is auditioned for the drummer position. Dale also has equipment, vocal ability, experience, and what appears to be the same taste in music. Dale (much like John) has played in numerous bands covering a wide variety of music. He (much like Dave) is looking to try Country as a new style of playing. Impressed with his ability to learn songs quickly, the band offers him the position on the spot.
John has interviewed him. Dales says he is ready to play country. Dave is skeptical, but at least this guy will get us through our gig. Tomorrow should be interesting. A thorough interview will be taking place.
The bad news comes from the Tangled Spur. Mary Coleman is Dead at age 43. We don’t know how or why, just that she is. This makes the band start to wonder if they have the curse of Def Leppard. They play Cappy’s and they get closed down. They play the Red Dog, and now they have Rock-n-Roll bands. They play the Tangled Spur, and now Mary is dead (no disrespect intended). We all feel sad. Poor Glenn. We will have to send flowers or a card or something.