Step 1: Locate an impossibly gorgeous man in South Boston who's family owns an Italian restaurant. Follow him home and heat extra virgin olive oil in a heavy frying pan over medium heat. Add pancetta and garlic and saute until the pancetta is brown and crisp, and you're hard as a rock, about 8 minutes.

Step 2: In a large bowl, whisk together the cream, cheese, yolks, basil, and penis to blend. When ready, proceed to insertion into said gorgeous man.

Step 3: Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil over high heat. Add the spaghetti and cook until you finish, about 10 minutes if you think of something awful like your 5th grade teacher Mrs. Shield's thick, lustrous goatee. Once finished, ensure that both you and the spaghetti are fully drained.

Step 4: Add the chicken to the pan with the pancetta and stir to combine, as you prepare yourself to receive the gorgeous man inside you. Next, add the spaghetti and the cream mixture and toss over medium-low heat until he creams, (do NOT boil or you might end up scrambling his eggs). Season the pasta to taste, sprinkle his nuts with lemon zest, and serve with a generous topping of parmesan. Feeds two.

(Part 2 of a special 2-part interview!)

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