Sarah Silverman on being wrong — and treating trolls with kindness
2Digest
This episode of the "WorkLife" podcast features a conversation between comedian Sarah Silverman and host Adam Grant, exploring Silverman's unconventional approach to dealing with negativity. Silverman attributes her boldness to her upbringing, where she was encouraged to challenge societal norms. She shares her strategy of responding to online trolls with compassion and empathy, aiming to disarm them and create a more positive interaction. This approach, which she calls "aggressive kindness," is rooted in the idea that kindness can be a powerful force for change, even in the face of aggression. Grant connects Silverman's approach to psychological principles, highlighting how countering expectations and showing empathy can diffuse aggression. He also discusses the potential for self-policing systems to encourage positive behavior change. However, they also acknowledge the potential downsides of Silverman's empathetic approach, including the risk of reinforcing negative behavior. They emphasize the importance of finding a balance between empathy and setting boundaries. The conversation delves into the importance of open communication and having a support network. Silverman shares a story of accidentally forwarding an email argument with her boyfriend to him, which led to a conversation about the importance of open communication and having a support network. She also emphasizes the importance of embracing flaws and the power of apology, believing that acknowledging mistakes and taking responsibility for their impact can be a powerful form of growth. The episode concludes with a lightning round where Silverman shares her worst and best advice, an unpopular opinion, and her prediction for the future of comedy. She emphasizes the importance of staying connected to the evolving landscape of comedy and avoiding becoming out of touch. Grant also shares his own journey of seeking more, attributing his interest in psychology to his experiences as a shy and introverted child. He describes a pivotal moment in middle school where he was ostracized by his friends, which led him to question human behavior and seek understanding.
Outlines
Sarah Silverman's Boldness and Aggressive Kindness
The episode introduces comedian Sarah Silverman and Adam Grant, the host, and discusses Silverman's boldness and how she developed it. Silverman attributes her boldness to her father teaching her to swear at a young age, which led to her finding joy in shocking adults. The conversation shifts to Silverman's unique approach to engaging with online trolls. She shares a story of responding to a troll with compassion and empathy, ultimately forming a connection and even offering to pay his medical bills. They explore the idea that kindness can be a powerful force for change, even in the face of aggression.
Aggressive Kindness in Action and Psychological Foundations
Silverman describes her use of "aggressive kindness" as a way to diffuse negativity. She shares her experience playing Call of Duty and responding to toxic players with kindness, which often surprises and disarms them. Grant connects Silverman's approach to psychological principles, highlighting how countering expectations and showing empathy can diffuse aggression. He also discusses the potential for self-policing systems to encourage positive behavior change.
Balancing Empathy and Boundaries
The conversation explores the potential downsides of Silverman's empathetic approach, including the risk of reinforcing negative behavior. Grant and Silverman discuss the importance of finding a balance between empathy and setting boundaries. Silverman shares a story of accidentally forwarding an email argument with her boyfriend to him, which led to a conversation about the importance of open communication and having a support network. Silverman emphasizes the importance of embracing flaws and the power of apology. She believes that acknowledging mistakes and taking responsibility for their impact can be a powerful form of growth.
Lightning Round and Personal Journeys
The episode concludes with a lightning round where Silverman shares her worst and best advice, an unpopular opinion, and her prediction for the future of comedy. She emphasizes the importance of staying connected to the evolving landscape of comedy and avoiding becoming out of touch. Grant shares his own journey of seeking more, attributing his interest in psychology to his experiences as a shy and introverted child. He describes a pivotal moment in middle school where he was ostracized by his friends, which led him to question human behavior and seek understanding.
Keywords
Aggressive Kindness
A strategy for diffusing negativity by responding to aggression with unexpected kindness and empathy. It aims to disarm the aggressor and create a more positive interaction.
Pro-social Jujitsu
A metaphor for redirecting negative energy towards something constructive. It involves using the force of aggression to create a positive outcome.
Empathy
The ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It involves recognizing and acknowledging the emotions of others, even when they are negative.
Call of Duty
A popular first-person shooter video game known for its online multiplayer mode, which can sometimes be characterized by toxic behavior.
Toxic Chat
Online communication characterized by negativity, hostility, and offensive language. It can create a hostile environment for other players.
Self-policing System
A system where members of a community are responsible for monitoring and regulating their own behavior. It can be used to address toxic behavior and promote positive interactions.
Challenge Network
A group of people who provide constructive criticism and feedback, helping individuals to grow and improve.
Q&A
How does Sarah Silverman approach engaging with online trolls?
Silverman responds to trolls with compassion and empathy, trying to understand their pain and connect with them on a human level. She believes that kindness can be a powerful force for change, even in the face of aggression.
What is the psychological basis for Silverman's approach to diffusing negativity?
Silverman's approach aligns with psychological principles that suggest countering expectations and showing empathy can diffuse aggression. By surprising the aggressor with kindness, she disarms them and creates an opportunity for positive interaction.
What are the potential downsides of Silverman's empathetic approach?
There is a risk that Silverman's approach could reinforce negative behavior by giving trolls the attention they crave. It's important to find a balance between empathy and setting boundaries to avoid enabling harmful behavior.
What is the significance of Silverman's experience with her boyfriend and the email argument?
This story highlights the importance of open communication and having a support network. Silverman's experience shows how having people to talk to about relationship issues can provide valuable perspective and support.
What is Silverman's prediction for the future of comedy?
Silverman believes that comedy will continue to evolve and find new ways to be relevant. She emphasizes the importance for comedians to stay connected to the changing landscape of comedy and avoid becoming out of touch.
Show Notes
Sarah Silverman is a comedian, actor and writer who doesn;t shy away from saying what she thinks. Her bold, distinctive voice has taken her from Saturday Night Live and Seinfeld to Broadway plays, late-night TV and Disney animated movies. Sarah shares surprising stories about turning haters into fans, and she and Adam discuss strategies for defusing anger, finding courage and forging connections when we don't see eye-to-eye. Transcripts for ReThinking are available at go.ted.com/RWAGscripts
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