DiscoverPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Stearns MandelSeason 2 Episode 15: She is Not Your Rehab: A global invitation to men to end abuse of women & children through radical self responsibility & healing
Season 2 Episode 15: She is Not Your Rehab: A global invitation to men to end abuse of women & children through radical self responsibility & healing

Season 2 Episode 15: She is Not Your Rehab: A global invitation to men to end abuse of women & children through radical self responsibility & healing

Update: 2021-08-24
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For men's violence against women to end,  men need to  talk to other men about change and responsibility. At the same time, many men who are abusive, have often experienced their own traumas at the hands of their parents or society at large.  An emerging voice in the effort to invite men to healing  is Matt Brown,  co-creator with his wife, Sarah Brown  of the "She is  Not Your Rehab" global movement. 

Matt believes that because so many boys & men are traumatized & wounded in relationship with parents/caretakers, taking radical self ownership of their own healing journey, their own behaviors is the best way to heal that trauma. This  self ownership never excuses abuse even when it recognizes the trauma & learned behaviors of abuse which can be an attempt to protect from pain & fear by inflicting pain & trying to control others.

In this conversation with Ruth  and David, Matt a barber, speaker and author of the best-selling book "She is Not Your Rehab," talks about how he translated his own healing journey into a message of  personal responsibility, behaviour change and healing for men so they may step more deeply into connected, healthy, nourishing relationships which do not continue the cycle of violence.

Read the 7 Principles of the "She is Not Your Rehab" global movement
 1. She is not responsible for your emotional rehabilitation.

2. Your healing is your responsibility and yours to take initiative for and manage. 

3. Any healing needed for you, cannot come at the expense of her healing, health and wellbeing. (David & Ruth's personal favorite!) 

4. She can support you but she can never do more for you than you are prepared to do for yourself. 

5. Regardless of what anyone has done TO YOU, it is now time FOR YOU to take ownership of your own life and be committed to living it wholeheartedly enough to do any work needed. Your childhood trauma wasn’t your fault but your healing IS now your responsibility. 

6. True change comes from genuine growth. Growth happens once we heal. Healing starts when we begin to FEEL our pain. 

7. Hurt people inevitably hurt people because what we will not transform, we transmit on those around us and healed people do indeed heal people. The question is WILL YOU have the courage to heal?


Order the book "She is Not Your Rehab"

The barbershop where men go to heal | Matt Brown | TEDxChristchurch

Other related podcasts
Season 2 Episode 11: “We need a revolution:” Integration of trauma healing and behavior change for people who choose violence

Season 2 Episode 6: The Male Victim

Season 2, Episode 1: 6 Steps to Partnering with Survivors

Episode 21: Listening to the Voices of Children and Young People Harmed by Fathers Who Choose Violence


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Season 2 Episode 15: She is Not Your Rehab: A global invitation to men to end abuse of women & children through radical self responsibility & healing

Season 2 Episode 15: She is Not Your Rehab: A global invitation to men to end abuse of women & children through radical self responsibility & healing

Ruth Stearns Mandel & David Mandel