ShameProof Parenting and Ending Parent Shame with Mercedes Samudio
You’d be hard-pressed to find a mother who hasn’t experienced parent shaming or mom guilt. Today’s guest, Mercedes Samudio, is a licensed psychotherapist, parent coach, speaker, and bestselling author. She has started the hashtag #endparentshaming and coined the term ‘Shame Proof Parenting’ in an effort to show parents that they are already great guides for their children to experience happy and healthy lives. During this episode, you will hear about Mercedes’ non-traditional upbringing, which sparked her interest in child-parent relationships. She talks about the impossible standard of perfection for parents or children, how our lack of understanding results in parent shaming, and why it is so powerful to ask how a parent has developed their values and beliefs in order to have them reassess how they are parenting their children. We discuss the identity changes that occur when you become a parent and with each additional child, and Mercedes explains that the reason for parents becoming overly permissive or restrictive is not about bad parenting, but comes down to internalized beliefs from their own experiences. You’ll also hear Mercedes’ thoughts about managing screen time, and her reassuring belief that being a good parent is not about being perfect, but you should always be mindful. We hope you join us to hear from this inspiring psychotherapist today!
Key Points From This Episode:
- Why she believes the best way to provide a healthy environment for children is to stop shaming the people who are caring for them.
- How the standard of perfection for parents creates impossible standards for children.
- The Parental Identity Development Model that looks at what type of parent you want to be.
- How an identity shift happens every time you bring a new child into your parenting space.
- Why parent shaming occurs when we don’t understand what it means to be a parent.
- How there is a disproportionate focus on the child, leaving parents unequipped.
- An example of a parent who felt fear about her teenage child expressing her womanhood because of an underlying fear of sexual assault.
- The power of asking how a parent came to have the values and beliefs that they have.
- Why parents becoming overly permissive or restrictive is not about bad parenting, but internalized beliefs from their own experiences.
- Identity changes that occur as your children’s identities change.
- How seeing the world through your child’s eyes is an opportunity to reparent yourself.
- Separating your parental identity from your identity as a whole to combat parent shaming.
- How a child acting out is not always a sign of ADHD or mental health, but often reflects what is going on with the family.
- Introducing your children to different cultures in order to raise non-racist kids.
- The power of telling your children you don’t know the answer and researching it together.
- The goal of becoming a full human and showing your child how to be a full human as well.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
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