“He says, ‘In America, everyone is a gynecologist.’”

You’ve been waiting. You’ve been wanting. And now we’re going to give it to you. Distinguished Professors. Verhoeven. Showgirls. Topics covered include Berres’s first bad movie ka-tet (hat tip to Dave and Jessica), the pointlessness of the VH-1 TV version, the not-so-hidden misogyny of Joe Eszterhas, the good parts (which actually do exist), a disastrous lack of clear direction, the campy awareness of Cristal Conners, attempts to make Nomi a round character, parallel with A Knight’s Tale, our inability to connect with Nomi, the worst dance scene ever, the constant reminders that Nomi can dance, the amazing soundtrack, the mismatch of Nomi’s naivety and her tough backstory, the fatal error of including the rape scene, the shittiness of Andrew Carver, the iconic arm move, Verhoeven hates your boner, anti-Asian racism, Verhoeven’s possible dumbness, Nomi’s nails and getting a little old for that whore-y look, the centrality of lies and truth to our plot, Penny in the sequel, the huge list of people who turned down the roles of Nomi and Cristal, the sadness of James’s life, Ver-sayce, the worst sex scene, why you don’t lick the pole at a strip club, how you determine the Christmas movie status of a movie, the weirdness of the initial Pollyanna comparison, manic without the pixie dream girl, killing the allure of boobs and the film’s anti-sex message, the hyperbolic media coverage of a topless dance revue, violations of HIPAA, Nomi as a life-wrecking idiot, and our plans for the next season.