Digest

This episode of the "Unplanned Podcast" features a "sister-in-law takeover" with guests Abby and Addie. They delve into a range of topics, starting with a discussion about the reality show "Age of Attraction." The core of the episode is a "sister-in-law edition" of the "Agree to Disagree" game, focusing on pregnancy and motherhood. Debates cover whether humanity would end if men had to give birth, the legitimacy of "pregnancy brain," crying over food, babies sensing intimacy, the difficulty of the first trimester, and the benefits of working out during pregnancy. They also explore whether pregnancy is mentally or physically harder, preparedness for postpartum, the necessity of screen time in the third trimester, and the timing of finding out a baby's gender. The conversation shifts to gender reveals, the challenges of breastfeeding, and the persistence of "mom guilt." They discuss push presents, the brand Aloe, toddler negotiation tactics, parenting styles like gentle parenting, and healthy comparisons in parenting. The episode concludes with discussions on the impact of children on marriage, pregnancy hormones, the "spouse as a roommate" phenomenon, prioritizing the marriage, tracking partners' locations, apologizing, marriage advice, scheduling romance, setting family boundaries, parenting-induced anxiety, understanding partners as parents, adopting parental traits, traveling with kids, cloth diapers, PDA, household roles, losing oneself after children, growing as a parent, being a good friend, and body image post-pregnancy.

Outlines

00:00:33

Introduction and Reality Show Discussion

The episode begins with hosts introducing the "Unplanned Podcast" and their guests, sisters-in-law Abby and Addie, who host "Always Here." They discuss the reality show "Age of Attraction," where participants date without knowing each other's ages, exploring age gaps in relationships.

00:04:14

Agree to Disagree: Pregnancy and Motherhood Debates

The "Agree to Disagree" game, sister-in-law edition, kicks off, focusing on pregnancy and motherhood. Topics include whether humanity would end if men gave birth, if "pregnancy brain" is an excuse, crying over food, babies sensing intimacy, the difficulty of the first trimester, and the benefits of exercise during pregnancy.

00:17:48

Navigating Pregnancy Challenges and Postpartum Realities

The discussion continues on the mental versus physical toll of pregnancy and whether the first trimester is the hardest. They also address the common sentiment that no one adequately prepares new mothers for the intensity of the postpartum period.

00:23:25

Life Events, Screen Time, and Gender Reveals

A brief recap of difficult life events is followed by a debate on the necessity of screen time in the third trimester. The conversation then shifts to the timing of finding out a baby's gender and a lively debate on whether gender reveals should be canceled.

00:38:31

Breastfeeding, Mom Guilt, and Push Presents

The panel discusses the often-underestimated difficulty of breastfeeding and the persistent nature of "mom guilt." They also debate whether mothers deserve a "push present" after every birth.

00:49:35

Toddler Tactics and Parenting Styles

The conversation touches on gifts, including Aloe brand workout gear, and delves into how toddlers can sense and exploit parental weakness, leading to negotiation. Different parenting styles, including gentle parenting, are discussed, alongside observations on children's behavior and parental reactions.

00:58:45

Marriage Dynamics and Children's Impact

The group explores healthy comparison in parenting and the significant impact children have on marriage, discussing whether it makes marriage harder or strengthens the bond. They also share experiences with pregnancy hormones affecting arguments.

01:04:01

Maintaining Intimacy and Boundaries in Marriage

The discussion addresses the feeling of a spouse becoming like a roommate, the importance of prioritizing the marriage over children, and the practice of tracking a partner's location. They also touch upon apologizing and who initiates it more often.

01:09:06

Relationship Advice and Post-Childbirth Realities

The value of marriage advice from single friends is debated, alongside the necessity of scheduling romance after having children. The importance of setting boundaries with family and the rise of anxiety with parenthood are also discussed.

01:14:38

Parenthood, Identity, and Family Life

The episode concludes with reflections on understanding a partner as a parent, the phenomenon of becoming one's mother, the chaos versus reward of traveling with kids, the environmental impact of cloth diapers, PDA in front of family, household leadership, losing a part of oneself after children, growing as an individual parent, the importance of friendship, and body image changes after pregnancy and birth.

Keywords

Q&A

• What is the premise of the reality show "Age of Attraction"?

  "Age of Attraction" is a reality show where individuals date and form connections without knowing each other's ages. They date in pods and then reveal their ages, exploring how age differences impact relationships.

• What is "pregnancy brain" and is it considered a real phenomenon?

  "Pregnancy brain" refers to cognitive changes like forgetfulness and difficulty concentrating during pregnancy. While some believe it's a real issue, others suggest it might be an excuse or more prominent postpartum.

• What are the differing opinions on whether men having to give birth would lead to humanity's end?

  Some believe humanity would end because men, being practical, would likely have fewer children after experiencing childbirth and not have the hormones to encourage reproduction. Others argue men would adapt and find ways to continue the species.

• How do the hosts and guests define "mom guilt"?

  Mom guilt is described as a persistent feeling of inadequacy or worry mothers experience. It's seen as a reminder to check in on parenting choices and can evolve as children grow, but it doesn't necessarily mean a mother is failing.

• Is the first trimester considered the hardest part of pregnancy?

  Experiences vary. Some find the first trimester hardest due to nausea and uncertainty. Others experience more physical difficulty in later trimesters, such as the discomfort of moving or the pain of the final weeks.

• Should gender reveals be canceled, according to the podcast guests?

  The guests largely disagree with canceling gender reveals. They view them as fun celebrations of pregnancy and opportunities for parties, suggesting they can be reframed as pregnancy parties or early baby showers.

• What is the general consensus on whether no one prepares you for how hard postpartum is?

  Opinions are mixed. Some felt prepared by friends and community, while others, especially those who were the first to have children, found it difficult to anticipate the realities of postpartum life.

• What are the perceived limitations of the Aloe brand for athletic wear?

  While Aloe is considered good quality, it's often seen as more suitable for yoga and streetwear rather than high-intensity workouts. Some users find it not ideal for activities requiring more robust athletic performance.

• How do toddlers exhibit their ability to sense weakness in parents?

  Toddlers can exploit perceived weaknesses by pushing boundaries and negotiating for more time or privileges. They sense when a parent might give in and will often test those limits to see how far they can go.

• What is the "leave and cleave" principle in marriage?

  "Leave and cleave" is a principle suggesting that a married couple should prioritize their new family unit, separating from their parents' households and establishing their own independent life together, emphasizing marital boundaries.

Show Notes