TPP 088a: Jessica Lahey Talks About the Gifts of Failure for Our Kids
My guest is Jessica Lahey, an educator, writer, and speaker, and the author of one of my favorite parenting books, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. Jess shares her insights about how we can best prepare our kids for an independent, successful adulthood in the way we practice autonomy supportive parenting versus overparenting, what it means to let our kids “fail” to help them thrive, how we can help our kids learn how to “sit with frustration,” and much more.
Jessica Lahey is an educator, writer, and speaker. She is an English and writing teacher, correspondent for the Atlantic, commentator for Vermont Public Radio, and writes the “Parent-Teacher Conference” column for the New York Times. Jessica earned a B.A. in Comparative Literature from the University of Massachusetts and a J.D. with a concentration in juvenile and education law from the University of North Carolina School of Law. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband and two sons.
Things you’ll learn from this episode
- The difference between overparenting and “autonomy supportive parenting"
- How many parents underestimate their kids and might be unknowingly fostering learned helplessness in them
- How we can build scaffolding for our kids
- What Jessica wishes parents of atypical kids knew about teachers
- Jessica’s advice for how we can best advocate for our kids in school
- How we can foster more of a growth mindset in our children, especially those who are perfectionist, as well as how to NOT foster “learned helplessness”
Resources mentioned about the gift of failure
- Jessica Lahey’s website
- The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed by Jessica Lahey
- Why Parents Need To Let Their Kids Fail (The Atlantic article)
- Dr. Ross Greene Talks About Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (podcast episode)
- The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous and Smart About Money by Ron Lieber
- Am Writing (Jessica’s podcast)
- The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Dr. Ross Greene
- Jessica Lahey’s speaking bibliography
- When Children Say ‘I Can’t,’ But They Can, and Adults Know It (NY Times article by Jessica Lahey)