TPP 293a: Catherine Newman on How Kids Can Learn Social Skills and Ways to be a Good Human
Digest
This podcast features Catherine Newman discussing her new book, "What Can I Say," a guide to social skills for children aged 10 and up. Newman shares her journey as a writer and emphasizes the critical need for social skills in today's world, especially after the pandemic impacted children's social fluency. She explains that social skills are fundamental to navigating differences and fostering understanding. The book covers emotional regulation, empathy, and difficult conversations, with content crowdsourced from kids and refined with sensitivity readers to ensure inclusivity for neurodivergent individuals. Newman advocates for deliberate social skills education, likens it to learning a language, and addresses potential pushback on topics like gender identity. She highlights curiosity as an underrated social skill and stresses the importance of modeling these behaviors. The episode concludes with resources for listeners.
Outlines
Introduction to "What Can I Say" and Catherine Newman's Background
Debbie Reber introduces Catherine Newman and her new book, "What Can I Say," a guide to social skills for children aged 10 and up. Newman shares her unique path to becoming a writer, including her academic background and early freelance work.
The Importance and Inclusivity of Social Skills Education
Newman discusses the target audience and the timely relevance of her book, highlighting the impact of the pandemic on children's social skills and the necessity of interpersonal skills in a digital age. She posits that social skills are key to understanding differences and emphasizes the enduring importance of in-person interaction for mental health, supported by scientific evidence.
Key Social Skills and Inclusive Guidance in "What Can I Say"
Newman details the book's comprehensive coverage of social skills, including emotional regulation, empathy, and navigating difficult conversations, informed by feedback from children and her experience. She stresses the importance of accommodating diverse needs, using sensitivity readers to ensure inclusivity, especially for neurodivergent individuals, and addressing sensitive topics like pronouns and racist jokes.
Deliberate Social Skills Education, Curiosity, and Modeling
Newman advocates for a deliberate approach to teaching social skills, comparing it to learning other subjects. She addresses potential pushback on sensitive topics, framing them as existing phenomena requiring supportive approaches. Newman identifies curiosity as a crucial, underrated social skill and emphasizes the power of modeling desired behaviors for reinforcing social skills.
Conclusion and Resources
Debbie Reber thanks Catherine Newman, congratulates her on the book's release, and provides listeners with information on where to find the book, Newman's website, and additional resources from Tilt Parenting.
Keywords
Social skills
Learned behaviors and communication strategies for effective interaction, including verbal/non-verbal cues, empathy, and conflict resolution.
"What Can I Say" book
A guide for children aged 10 and up, offering practical advice on navigating social situations, expressing emotions, and building relationships.
Neurodivergent children
Individuals with unique cognitive or developmental profiles (e.g., autism, ADHD) who may benefit from tailored social skills education.
Emotional regulation
The ability to manage and express emotions in a healthy and adaptive way, crucial for mental well-being and social functioning.
Empathy
The capacity to understand and share the feelings of others, fostering connection and compassion.
Inclusivity in education
Ensuring educational materials and approaches accommodate diverse needs, making them accessible and valuable for all learners.
In-person interaction
Direct, face-to-face communication and connection, vital for mental health and social development, distinct from online interactions.
Curiosity in social skills
An open-minded interest in understanding others' perspectives and experiences, fostering deeper connections and learning.
Modeling social behavior
Parents and caregivers demonstrating desired social skills through their own actions to reinforce learning in children.
Tilt Parenting
A resource and community for parents of differently-wired children, offering support and information on various parenting topics.
Q&A
What is the main purpose of Catherine Newman's book, "What Can I Say"?
The book aims to provide children aged 10 and up with practical and accessible social skills to help them navigate relationships, express themselves effectively, and get along with others. It covers a wide range of skills from introductions to expressing empathy and apologizing.
Why is teaching social skills to children particularly important now?
The pandemic has disrupted children's social lives, leading to decreased fluency in real-life interactions. Additionally, understanding and practicing social skills is crucial for navigating differences, fostering empathy, and building a more compassionate society, especially in light of current global events.
How does Catherine Newman ensure her book is inclusive for all children, especially neurodivergent ones?
Newman and her team used sensitivity readers and incorporated feedback to accommodate diverse needs, such as making eye contact optional and refining language to be accessible. The book emphasizes that skills are learnable and provides alternatives if a specific skill is challenging.
What is Catherine Newman's perspective on the role of online interactions versus in-person relationships for children?
While acknowledging the life-saving benefits of online communities, Newman stresses that the brain's reward system is primarily geared towards in-person relationships. She believes that real-life human interaction is protective of mental health and essential for well-being, even for introverts.
What does Catherine Newman consider a critical social skill that is often overlooked?
Newman highlights cultivating curiosity in other people as a vital, underrated skill. She believes that approaching others with tenderness and a genuine desire to understand their experiences, much like cracking open a geode, can lead to discovering beauty and fostering deeper connections.
How can parents and caregivers reinforce the social skills taught in "What Can I Say"?
The most effective way is through modeling the desired behaviors. Parents should practice what they preach by being present, putting away distractions like phones, and actively engaging in social interactions, demonstrating attentiveness and care for their children.
Show Notes
Today’s episode is all about social skills, but from an updated lens
that really speaks to the lived experiences of today’s kids. My guest is
writer and journalist Catherine Newman, and we’re going to dive into
her new book, What Can I Say? A Kids Guide to Super Useful Social Skills to Help You Get Along and Express Yourself.
What Can I Say is aimed at kids ages 10 and up, and it
includes practical and accessible advice to help kids and teens learn
social skills, including everything from introduce themselves, express empathy, be persuasive, and apologize to compromise, ask for help, be grateful, and comfort a friend.
In this conversation, Catherine and talk about why learning social
and interpersonal skills are more important than ever for our kids,
despite the fact that their lives are evolving to include more time
spent online. We also talk about the climate for social emotional learning and ways parents and educators can to reinforce the social skills our kids are learning.
About Catherine
Catherine Newman is the author of the memoirs Catastrophic Happiness and Waiting for Birdy, the middle-grade novel One Mixed-Up Night, the kids’ craft book Stitch Camp, the how-to books for kids How to Be a Person and What Can I Say? and the novel We All Want Impossible Things
(forthcoming, Harper, November 2022). She edits the non-profit kids’
cooking magazine ChopChop, writes the etiquette column for Real Simple
magazine, and is a regular contributor to the New York Times, O, The
Oprah Magazine, Parents magazine, Cup of Jo, and many other
publications. She lives in Amherst, Massachusetts, with her family.
Key Takeaways
- Why it’s still important to learn
social skills and interpersonal skills even though our kids’ lives are
evolving to include more time spent online
- Why it’s important to spend time learning social skills just as we would learn any other type of skill like algebra or singing
- The importance of learning
interpersonal skills that focus on empathy, setting boundaries, being
curious, and being supportive and inclusive of people with different
identities
- How OT can help neurodivergent kids grow up with advanced social emotional skills
- What parents and educators can do to support and reinforce the social skills they are learning
Resources Mentioned
What Can I Say? A Kids’ Guide to Super Useful Social Skills to Help You Get Along and Express Yourself by Catherine Newman
How to Be a Person: 65 Hugely Useful, Super-Important Skills to Learn before You’re Grown Up by Catherine Newman
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