Tandem CPAP

Tandem CPAP

Update: 2020-06-01


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  • The comfort of a Discord voice channel where everyone is muted.

  • A Discord voice channel where you go to poop.

  • Perceiving a pun and wanting to forget it.

  • Being in total agreement as to whether we should discuss topics.

  • The hidden cost of plastic coat hangers.

  • Contemplating the luxury of your collection of fancy wooden coat hangers.

  • Never having purchased coat hangers in your life but still ending up with a bunch of them.

  • Accruing heavier and heavier clothing as you age.

  • Not needing coat hangers because you just drape all your clothes over the back of a folding chair.

  • A barbecue joint where the mascot is a sapient pig that is super thrilled that you're about to eat him.

  • Alienation from the food production process.

  • The weird zone where pigs are slaughtered in an alternate dimension outside our ken.

  • Chuck E. Cheese's real name.

  • The sweetest meat you'll ever eat.

  • Sweetmeats vs. sweetbreads.

  • A restaurant with the slogan "the sweetest bread you'll ever eat" and the mascot is a talking Thymus gland.

  • Thymus glands just being in you someplace.

  • Putting soup in your humidifier and saving yourself the trouble of making breakfast.

  • Accidentally blasting yourself with mold all night.

  • Sharing a CPAP machine with your life partner, like a tandem bike.

  • Adding a splash of bleach to your soup so it won't grow mold in your humidifier overnight.

  • Taking action to ensure huge amounts of water enters your body because otherwise the water will probably just sit there.

  • Every sliding glass door having a big colorful sticker on it because once someone ran into it and broke their nose or crashed through or both.

  • The worst-designed lateral thinking puzzle exacerbating your fear of heights.

  • All the rollers in the sliding glass door being crushed so you're just dragging a huge pane of glass along the ground.

  • Sliding glass doors being perfectly safe because they cannot break; they can only become windows.

  • Increasing the amount of natural light in your home via strategic placement of mirrors.

  • Holding a mirror and pointing the sun at your face.

  • Everyone loving your ukulele cover of Smells Like Teen Spirit, but only the first time they hear it.

  • Knowing how to play a bunch of instruments but they all weigh 300 pounds.

  • Making a xylophone out PVC pipes you found in a dumpster and playing Ode to Joy on it.

  • Solving this portable xylophone problem once and for all by googling "portable xylophone."

  • A gigantic marimba that is built into the room it's in like a supercomputer of sound.

  • Wanting to go on a weird xylophone tour.

  • Being good enough to impress people who don't know anything about that particular skill.

  • Wanting to play an instrument that leaves your mouth free to have a jolly conversation.

  • Combining our powers to identify the hexagonal pirate accordion.

  • Circus jazz.

  • Scottish peasants swaying together like kindergarteners singing a jolly pagan song as the flames approach.

  • Fifty years ago, being horrified when pagans burn the character representing cops and religious authority alive, but nowadays everybody owns a guillotine and worships Alan Moore's snake god.

  • Whether the Nicholas Cage Wicker Man being hilarious at release was inspired by the 1970s Wicker Man being hilarious in a modern context.

  • Jokes that modern audiences don't have the context to understand.

  • Works written in 17th or 18th century English needing localization as much as works in a foreign language.

  • Not linking to an edifying Tumblr thread because Tumblr's threading is the worst.

  • People in the 1940s just talking like that actually.

  • Movie actors finally learning to act sometime around 1950.

  • Staying awake for 38 hours to get every star, moon and shine in the 3D Mario series.

  • Our failings as adult humans.

  • Doing game jams where you actually sleep.

  • Scoping your game development project to allow sleep during development.

  • Romanticizing the idea of staying up all night doing something fun because now you're an adult with adult responsibilities and shirt resilience.

  • Not being able to justify doing something for fun so you tack on a charity drive.

  • The shifting sense of what's important and what's moral that defines the human experience over time.

  • Whether or not you could pay us to play World of Warcraft.

  • Your guild leader getting in fistfights all the time and eventually going up jail and appointing you temporary guild leader because he doesn't realize you're a woman.

  • Training your brain to be okay playing just one video game for a while.

  • A hat that is so ugly you had to give it to a friend.

  • Giving your goth dog friend pastel outfits to wear on Bunny Day.

  • Lamenting that there is no other place or time to discuss topics.

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Tandem CPAP

Tandem CPAP

Jim Stormdancer