The 82 Percent: Bonus Conversation with Heath Schechinger and Lily Lamboy
Digest
This episode of "This is Actually Happening" delves into the changing landscape of family structures, challenging the traditional nuclear family model and highlighting the rise of diverse family forms. The episode features an in-depth interview with Heath Shesinger and Lily Lamboy, co-founders of the Modern Family Institute, who discuss the historical roots of the nuclear family and monogamy, how family and relationship structures have changed over the last century, and the contemporary landscape of diverse families and consensual non-monogamy. They also explore the work of the Modern Family Institute, their vision and mission, and current legal and policy advances. The episode highlights the statistic that only 18% of U.S. households are configured as the traditional nuclear family, with 82% of households falling outside this norm. The episode also delves into the history of monogamy, tracing its roots to agrarian society and its connection to property ownership and patriarchal conceptions of ownership. The episode concludes with a discussion of the challenges and wins in realizing a future where family is defined by its function, not its form, and where care is centered, valued, and equitably distributed.
Outlines
Introduction
This Chapter introduces the podcast "This is Actually Happening" and its focus on real experiences, often including traumatic events. It also provides a content warning and information about support services.
The 82% Modern Stories of Love and Family
This Chapter introduces the mini-series "The 82%" and its focus on modern stories of love and family. It features an interview with Heath Shesinger and Lily Lamboy, co-founders of the Modern Family Institute, who discuss the historical roots of the nuclear family and monogamy, how family and relationship structures have changed over the last century, and the contemporary landscape of diverse families and consensual non-monogamy. They also explore the work of the Modern Family Institute, their vision and mission, and current legal and policy advances.
Vision for the Future
This Chapter explores the vision for the future of family structures, emphasizing the importance of valuing the function of families over the form and ensuring that laws and cultural norms reflect and support the varied ways that people live and form connections today. The chapter also discusses the shifting cultural perspectives about what marriage or partnership is in our life more broadly, and the need for a community of care that makes sense for each individual's unique circumstances.
Challenges and Wins
This Chapter discusses the challenges and wins in realizing a future where family is defined by its function, not its form, and where care is centered, valued, and equitably distributed. The chapter highlights the need for a collaborative effort that transcends political divides by focusing on shared values such as stability, love, community, and care. The chapter also discusses the importance of storytelling and social narratives in promoting a more inclusive understanding of family structures.
Keywords
Nuclear Family
The nuclear family is a term used to describe a family unit consisting of two parents and their children, typically living in a single household. It is often considered the traditional family structure in Western societies, but its prevalence has declined significantly in recent decades.
Modern Family Institute
The Modern Family Institute is a non-profit organization founded by Heath Shesinger and Lily Lamboy. The institute's mission is to create a future where family is defined based on its function, not its form, and where everyone deserves a healthy family. The institute engages in research, storytelling, advocacy, and policy work to promote a more inclusive understanding of family structures.
Monogamy
Monogamy is a type of relationship in which an individual has only one sexual or romantic partner at a time. It is often considered the norm in Western societies, but its historical roots are complex and tied to factors such as property ownership, patriarchal conceptions of ownership, and religious doctrines.
Consensual Non-Monogamy
Consensual non-monogamy refers to relationships where individuals have more than one sexual or romantic partner with the knowledge and consent of all involved parties. It encompasses a variety of relationship structures, including polyamory, open relationships, and ethical non-monogamy.
Diverse Family Structures
Diverse family structures encompass a wide range of family forms that deviate from the traditional nuclear family model. These include single-parent households, blended families, chosen families, LGBTQ+ families, and polyamorous families.
Care Work
Care work refers to the unpaid labor involved in caring for others, including children, elders, and those with disabilities. It is often disproportionately performed by women and non-binary individuals, and its value and importance are often undervalued in society.
Mono Normativity
Mono normativity refers to the social norm that promotes monogamy as the preferred and expected relationship structure. It can create social stigma and discrimination for individuals who choose to engage in consensual non-monogamous relationships.
Overton Window
The Overton window is a political theory that describes the range of ideas that are considered acceptable for public discussion at a given time. The theory suggests that ideas outside of this window are considered too radical or extreme to be considered seriously.
Friendship Marriage
Friendship marriage is a type of relationship where two individuals who are close friends choose to marry, often for reasons beyond romantic love, such as companionship, shared values, or mutual support.
Q&A
What is the Modern Family Institute, and why is it needed now?
The Modern Family Institute is a research institute that aims to create a future where family is defined by its function, not its form, and where everyone deserves a healthy family. It is needed now because the traditional nuclear family model no longer reflects the reality of how most people are structuring their families and relationships.
What are some of the historical roots of the nuclear family and monogamy?
The nuclear family emerged in the 20th century as a result of economic opportunities and a shift away from extended family networks. Monogamy, on the other hand, has its roots in agrarian society, where property ownership and patriarchal conceptions of ownership made it important to ensure the legitimacy of offspring.
What are some of the contemporary trends in family and relationship structures?
Contemporary trends include an increase in single-parent households, chosen families, LGBTQ+ families, blended families, and polyamorous families. There is also a growing acceptance of diversity and a greater emphasis on individual happiness.
What are some of the challenges in realizing a future where family is defined by its function, not its form?
Challenges include the deeply ingrained social norm of mono normativity, which promotes monogamy as the preferred relationship structure, and the lack of legal and social protections for diverse family structures. There is also a need to address the cultural forces that promote individualism and isolation.
What are some of the wins we are currently seeing in combating these challenges?
Wins include the passage of ordinances in several cities offering protections on the basis of family and relationship structure, as well as a growing dialogue in media and across the country on the issue of diverse family structures. There is also a growing trend of storytelling and social narratives that are challenging traditional notions of family.
Show Notes
In this special bonus episode, Whit Missildine interviews Heath Schechinger and Lily Lamboy of the Modern Family Institute @modernfamilyinstitute, collaborators on our six-part miniseries, “The 82%: Modern Stories of Love and Family.” In this conversation we discuss the historical roots of the nuclear family and monogamy, how family and relationship structures have changed over the 20th century, the contemporary landscape of diverse families and Consensual Non-Monogamy, and the future of love and family.
Dr. Heath Schechinger is a therapist, researcher, and organizer, known for his groundbreaking work within the realm of family and relationship diversity. In addition to his role as Co-Founder and Executive Director of the Modern Family Institute, he serves as the Founding Co-Chair of the American Psychological Association Division 44 Committee on Consensual Non-monogamy, and an Affiliate Faculty at the renowned Kinsey Institute. Dr. Schechinger’s work sheds light on the elements that cultivate healthy relationships and the rise of non-nuclear family and relationship configurations. He has authored multiple empirical publications and clinical resources and his work has been featured in major media outlets such as The New York Times, BBC, Vogue, and Time Magazine.
Dr. Lily Lamboy is a social impact executive, educator, artist, and scholar with over 15 years of experience building complex systems to support human flourishing. She currently serves as the Co-Founder and Managing Director of the Modern Family Institute. Prior to founding the Modern Family Institute, Dr. Lamboy led the Diversity, Equity & Inclusion functions at both Stripe and Blue Shield of California. She received her PhD in Political Science from Stanford University, where she also taught in the Feminist, Gender & Sexuality Studies and Rhetoric programs, receiving the Gores Award for Excellence in Teaching, Stanford's top prize for education. She has authored peer-reviewed articles addressing persistent sources of social inequality in publications including Cambridge University Press, Theory and Research in Education, and the International Panel on Social Progress. As an artist, she strives to make pieces that inspire lasting change in how we love, act, and organize our society.
If you’d like to find out more about the Modern Family Institute, donate to help advance their work, or get engaged, please visit their website, modernfamilyinstitute.org.
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Producers: Whit Missildine
Content/Trigger Warnings: sexual themes, explicit language
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