DiscoverTopic Lords70. The Cow Tools Experience
70. The Cow Tools Experience

70. The Cow Tools Experience

Update: 2021-02-22


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  • An oddly temperate day in the park in the middle of January.

  • Not necessarily recognizing the war criminal who lives in your town.

  • Checking the box that says "I did not do the Holocaust" on the immigration form.

  • How it takes 50 years to deport a Nazi from Canada.

  • Berlin, Canada.

  • Getting a steak and a beer with the 110 year old who works with you at the grocery store.

  • Where you go if you're really young and you want to become a war criminal.

  • A thing that is strange but also very ordinary.

  • Explaining Garfield.

  • Heathcliff, the other other fat orange cartoon cat.

  • Explaining cow tools.

  • Tools that don't really look like anything but it's the best a cow can do.

  • What it means when Heathcliff wears the gravy helmet.

  • When an ancient comic strip gets funny again because the original artist finally retired and got replaced by a Tumblr user.

  • Stealing all the fish from the fish counter and the vendor can't do anything about it because you're wearing a helmet that says "fish."

  • Scrolling a web page and discovering how many helmets Heathcliff has.

  • Managing the flow of mugs in this Space Invaders clone.

  • The best electromechanical bar game that triggers your trypophobia.

  • A story-heavy RPG adaptation of an electromechanical bar game.

  • Playing a story heavy game and wishing the story and the game parts were separable.

  • How magical girl shows and JRPGs both presentationally separate story from combat.

  • Taking the fight scenes from a robot combat show and writing new scenes where the robots are going to high school.

  • Learning to fly in place.

  • Becoming a hummingbird and learning to do what hummingbirds do.

  • Consuming the densest possible foods such as lead.

  • Assuming that iron is the densest element because it's at the Earth's core and must have sunk there.

  • Searching for densest foods and Google gives you the most nutrient dense foods, which is definitively not what you asked for.

  • Arctic explorers bringing sleds full of frozen butter to eat.

  • Eating your weight in salt every day.

  • Whether 1 milliliter of water weighs exactly one gram everywhere, or just in that locked vault in Paris.

  • The Canadian hotline you can call to report bars that serve you an American pint of beer.

  • The metric pint.

  • Ounces per ounce.

  • Writing to Stephen Wolfram to complain about the dry ounce.

  • That double gotcha bar trivia question about whether an ounce of feathers is lighter than an ounce of gold.

  • Europeans getting confused when Americans talk about calories when they mean kilocalories.

  • Using more significant digits than the speaker intended when doing unit conversion.

  • Whether someone saying "a thousand" to mean "a lot" is one significant digit or zero.

  • Whether in the Bible "forty" is used colloquially to mean "a lot."

  • Taking a dialect quiz that tries to guess where you're from but it doesn't know about Canada so it guesses you're from the American Midwest.

  • Whether recycling is still a thing or in fact ever was.

  • Keeping people employed at a factory sorting plastic for no particular reason.

  • Pasta and cheese being popular all over the world.

  • How Canadians have Kraft macaroni and cheese for dinner all the time.

  • The biscuit you eat!

  • How Pad Thai is a psyop.

  • Putting fish in a bucket and waiting until it becomes fish sauce.

  • Fear of discovering the fish flavor in fish sauce and ruining Thai food forever.

  • Putting fish sauce on pizza yourself because Domino's doesn't offer it as a topping.

  • Opening a Taco Bell in Mexico.

  • Asking not for whom the Baja Blasts.

  • A can of cream of mushroom soup inside of a Shepherd's Pie.

  • Another salty MSG flavored brown liquid.

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70. The Cow Tools Experience

70. The Cow Tools Experience

Jim Stormdancer